


Til Death Do Us Part

by Liverbird



Category: Coronation Street, Paula Martin - Fandom, Sophie Webster - Fandom, saula
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-17
Updated: 2019-06-10
Packaged: 2020-01-15 16:45:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 30
Words: 50,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18502975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liverbird/pseuds/Liverbird
Summary: This is a lot different to what I have written before and will be dark in places. Scenes of sexual assault. It’s my 4th fanfic so please let me know what you think.





	1. Chapter 1

Sophie was 29 years of age and was living in London. She had moved there from Manchester over 5 years ago. Looking for a new challenge and fed up of her humdrum life, she had to escape the cobbles of Weatherfield and the memories of Paula and their rollercoaster of a relationship. What Sophie hadn’t realised is that no matter where your run to the memories go with you.

Sophie still hadn’t got over Paula and despite many offers, she still hadn’t found someone to bring out the feelings within her that Paula had. Oh Sophie has made lots of new friends and one in particular made it clear she was very attracted to Sophie and there were times Sophie had been tempted to sleep with her, to see if that erased the pain and the huge gap left in her heart since leaving Paula but no matter what she just couldn’t bring herself to do it. Sophie has telling herself maybe in time she may feel different but 5 years on and nothing had changed in that respect.

Sophie had been working at the hotel for 3 years now and she enjoyed her role very much and had even met lots of famous people. She had originally taken up a position as part of the entertainment staff but had quickly moved up the ranks through sheer hard work and dedication. 

She had missed the bus home and it was half an hour wait until the next one. It was times like this she wished she had a car but to be honest it was much easier to commute round London than to drive (and cheaper). Sophie ordinary would have phoned for a cab but with a week still to go until payday and money being tight she made the decision to cut though the park. It wasn’t pitch black and there was still a few people about. Sophie would never usually have cut through the park but she could be home by the time the next bus came along and she just wanted her bed.

Sophie put her AirPods in selected her favourite playlist and headed off. She was ten minutes from home when she felt somebody yank her from behind and pull her to the floor. That was the last thing Sophie could remember.

Paula had returned home to her apartment an hour ago. Since she got home she carried out her usual night time ritual headed to the bedroom, quick shower (sometimes she would have a bath depending how tired she felt), got ready into her pyjamas, she so wanted a drink but she was on call so had to settle for a coffee. Paula then slumped in front of the TV, periodically checking her social media. 

Paula had long given up on receiving any form of communication from Sophie. Sophie......just saying the name hurt like hell, would she ever be free from her pain. Paula couldn’t afford to think back to Sophie and the events of their demise, it was still to raw even after all this time. All Paula could do was hope and prey that Sophie had found someone else to love. Hell she probably had her own family now. 

3 years ago Paula’s career had changed direction as the police force took a massive redevelopment to help with the mountain of work Police Officers had to do. Someone thought that it would be easier and save a lot of man hours, if in some cases Solicitors where retrained to become part-time Police Support Officers used to gather information and take statements from victims in certain cases. This would then mean that no one could pick holes in the statements and meant a lot of cases didn’t fail at CPS level due to issues regarding statements. Paula had been called upon 6 times in 3 years to do this role. The new role meant Paula had to relocate to London but before doing so she had tried speaking to Sophie one last time before making a decision. When Paula called round Sally told her that Sophie had moved away and had said under no circumstances was she to tell Paula her new address. Paula had drank herself into an oblivion for the next month or so after that until her best friend came round and sorted her out. After that Paula packed her house up and said goodbye to her old life and moved forward with her new role.

Paula had just been called it was midnight and unfortunately her turn to be on-call. A woman found unconscious and assaulted with no ID on her. She was informed the victim had been taken to the local hospital. No further information was available at that time. Paula was to go to the hospital and then after speaking with the victim if possible and Doctors she had to report back to DCI Maddison. Paula got her clothes together and scrambled quickly to get herself dressed and head to the hospital.

When Paula arrived at the hospital she introduced herself as PSO Martin and asked to speak to the doctor who she was in charge of Person X. She only had to wait a couple of minutes before she was approached by Doctor Gillespie. Paula felt grateful it was a Doctor she knew as she then didn’t have to go through introductions 

“Hi Doctor Gillespie”

“Aghhh PSO Martin I take it you are here over our Mystery Person X?”

Doctor Gillespie was a fan of PSO Martin as she had been to the hospital on a number of occasions but he had yet to pluck up the courage to ask her out on a date.

“Yes Dr so what can you tell me about her?”

‘Unconscious, bruising to the neck, arms and legs. Looks like she was taken by surprise and more or less knocked out straight away as there are no signs of a struggle from her. She has no skin under fingernails or fibres of any kind. Obviously forensics will know more in regards to clothes and I’m afraid to say it almost certainly looks like some sort of sexual assault has happened”.

“Age?”

“30-35 I would say”

“Dear god the poor woman”

“Do you have any idea who she is yet PSO Martin”

“Call me Paula”

“Ok Paula any idea who she is yet?”

“No not at all, I’m afraid with no ID we will have to either wait for a call for a missing person to come in or ask around the vicinity if anyone recognises her. May I see her Doctor?”

“Yeah sure but like I said she is still unconscious so don’t get your hopes up ok”

“I know”

Paula followed the Doctor to the room. “Right she is just in there I just have to go see the nurse so I will be back in five”

“Ok, thanks Doctor” Paula walked in checking her phone had signal as she entered. She needed to call the office and let them know there was no change and see if any further in knowing who Person X was” As she got to the bed Paula looked at the woman lying in it.

Dr Gillespie went running to the room upon hearing screaming coming from the room and didn’t know what the hell had happened but was shocked to find Paul passed out on the floor. “Nurse..........Nurse come her and help me please”

A nurse went rushing in and helped the doctor get Paula into a chair.


	2. Chapter 2

Paula had been out for a couple of minutes before Dr Gillespie was able to bring her round.

“Paula what happened?”

Paula was a bit dazed at first then it came back to her where she was and what she was doing there. Oh god....she remembered Sophie. She just burst into tears sobbing.

Dr Gillespie didn’t understand what was wrong “Paula what is wrong?”

“Oh Dr I’m so sorry but I know this woman and it‘s just such a shock”

“Oh well Erm....Oh I’m sorry......is she a close friend of yours?”

“You could say that but can you excuse me Doctor I need to get in touch with DCI Maddison. The sooner I can tell her who she is, they can let Next of Kin know and family members”

“Yeah sure but give me her name too, so I can check our systems for any medical history, put her correct name down and get rid of the Person X above her bed”

“Her name is Soph” another sob caught in Paula’s throat, “sorry it’s Sophie Webster”

“Ok well will you be ok while I just go check the systems for Next Of Kin details?”

“Erm Yeah sure I can’t even give you her mum’s number as I no longer have it”

“I’m sure it’ll be fine” Dr said as he walked away.

Paula walked over to Sophie’s bedside and the tears started pouring down her face. She couldn’t believe that her beautiful Sophie was the one lying in the bed. Despite the bruising and all the wiring Paula could still see how gorgeous Sophie was, she still pulled on her heart strings. She pushed Sophie’s hair out of her eyes. Paula looked at Sophie’s neck and could see the hand marks red raw around her neck and then the words “almost certainly looks like some sort of sexual assault has happened”. Paula ran over to the sink and threw up in it. After she had been sick she cleaned up the mess and swilled her face. She couldn’t think of her Sophie being hurt in this way. Please god, please let her not have been sexually assaulted. Pure innocent Sophie”

The Doctor walked back into the room looking either very confused or concerned. “Dr what is it? what’s the matter?”

“Well I’ve located Sophie on our system and she has her Partner listed as her next of kin”

Paula felt like someone had punched her in the stomach and like she could throw up again any minute. Of course Sophie would have moved on, after all it’s been what? At least 5 years since they were together. 

“Oh well have you....Erm have you been in touch with them?”

“No”

“Why not?”

“Well the thing is I don’t know quite how to say this Paula but she has a Paula Martin down as her Next of Kin and relationship status is Partner! Is that you Paula? are you the Paula Martin that’s down as Sophie’s Partner?”

Paula was absolutely stunned. Why has Sophie not changed her details? after all it had been over 5 years. Then again if Sophie hadn’t needed to attend a hospital in that time, then why would she change them! This is just going to open up a lot of wounds and memories that Paula knew in herself has not healed yet!

“Paula”

Paula forgot the Doctor was waiting for her answer. “Sorry Doctor Erm the thing is...well the thing is she is my ex partner”

To say the Doctor was shocked was an understatement. He had definitely read the signals wrong and felt relieved he hadn’t yet plucked up the courage to ask her out as he would have made a fool out of himself and thankful now that he had been saved from an awkward situation and rejection.

“Oh well I think you need to sort things out your end as once DCI Maddison knows you have a personal interest in this case then I think they want to reassign you”

“I will come off this case but I will not be leaving her alone until she wakes and tells me to”

“Ok well I will leave you for a while and come back later. Do you want me to contact DCI Maddison for you?” 

“No it’s ok I will speak to her in a minute”

“Ok then I will see you later any change then give the nurse a call and if you need anything get them to page me”

“Ok thank you Doctor”

Paula walked over to her bag took out her mobile and stood looking out the window as she made a call.

“DCI Maddison”

“Hi Rebecca”

“Paula hey are you at the hospital?”

“Yes”

“So What can you tell me about our victim?”

Paula got a lump in her throat hearing Sophie being described as a victim and she knew Sophie would hate being referred to as that.

As a tear fell down Paula’s cheek she replied “I can tell you her name”

“Wow fantastic how on earth did you manage to find that out. You’ve saved us a lot of time”

“There is something else you need to know”

“What?”

“You need to reassign someone else to this case”

“What? No way Paula you are my best PSO and you know how much I like working with you and what I think about you”

Oh yes Paula knew alright “Rebecca I cannot work this case. I’m afraid you will need someone else as I’m not doing it”

“Paula babe listen I’m sure whatever is the matter we can sort it as it’s not like you to quit a case”

Rebecca Please don’t call me that”

“Ok Sor....”

“I can’t work this case because it’s Sophie”

“Sophie what do you mean Paula?”

DCI Maddison then had a memory of a conversation once taking place between her and Paula one evening.

“Oh you mean... THE Sophie as in your Sophie?” she said with a little hint of jealousy. 

“Don’t speak about her in that way Rebecca but Yes it is Sophie and her full name is Sophie Webster. You will need to contact her parents Sally Metcalfe and Kevin Webster, Coronation Street, Manchester. She is unconscious and has been badly beaten. Possible signs of a” Paula couldn’t bring herself to finish her sentence.

“Don’t worry I have that information from the officers who attended. Are they her Next of Kin?”

“Er......No”

“Well who is her N.O.K?”

“I am”

“What?”

“I’m her N.O.K that’s another reason I have to step away from this case”

“I don’t understand, you told me that you had finished. If that’s not the case then why did we....”

“It is the case and I am not going to go through this right now Rebecca. I have given you all the information you need to contact her parents. So can you please do that and have someone else reassigned to the case?”

“Fine”

Paula could tell Rebecca was pissed but to be honest right now she didn’t care.

“Good. If you need anything I will be here at the hospital. Have someone let me know when her parents have been informed please”

“Ok so are you staying there all night or shall I come over to yours when I finish?”

“Rebecca I’m staying here until Sophie wakes up and tells me to go. I let her down once before but I can promise, I won’t be doing it a second time round, not when she needs me most!

“Paula what about...”

“Goodnight Rebecca”

Paula hung up the phone, grabbed a chair and sat next to Sophie’s bedside. She held her hand and brought it to her lips, placing a gentle kiss on it.

“Oh Sophie sweetheart I’m so sorry for everything that happened. We will get the bastard who has done this to you believe me. I know I let you down Soph but I promise you I am not going anywhere, even if you try and push me away Sophie I will fight to stay right where I am. So please, please wake up soon”

Paula placed her head down on the bed and fell asleep holding Sophie’s hand.


	3. Chapter 3

Paula woke to the sound of voices outside the door. Voices she recognised as Sally and Kevin’s. She looked over at Sophie unfortunately she could see there was no change in her condition. She lifted up Sophie’s hand and placed a gentle kiss on top, before gently placing it backdown and straightening herself up ready to face whatever onslaught was going to come her way. 

The door opened and Sally entered with Kevin following behind. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“Sally”

“Don’t Sally me. Is this anything to do with you? Some sort of retribution?”

Paula had tried to keep her composure but the shock, the situation and her concern for Sophie plus having Sally go off on her like that pushed Paula over the edge.

“Don’t be so ridiculous Sally why on earth would I be responsible for anything like this. I wouldn’t let anyone hurt Sophie I love her”

“Oh really Ha love her.... wouldn’t let anyone hurt her..have you heard this Kevin”?

“Sal”

“Don’t Sal me Kevin it’s about time someone told her some home truths. Turning to Paula Sally continued “Love... pfft you don’t know the meaning of the word. You used Sophie and spat her out when you no longer wanted your bit of fun and as for never hurting her, not all pain is visible! Just because you can’t see her mental scars Paula doesn’t mean Sophie wasn’t hurting. You left her heart broken and humiliated. A state of which she has never fully recovered from. You Paula caused Sophie more hurt than she has ever endured in her whole life, well before this happened”

Paula couldn’t hold back the tears that were now in full flow down her face. As much as she hated to admit it, the majority of what Sally had said was correct.

“So now Kevin and I are here there is no need for you to be here. So you can be on your way back out of our lives for good. So go crawl back under that rock of yours”

“Sal”

“Shut up Kevin”

“I’m not going anywhere”

“You have no right to be here. You’re not family. You’re no one and if need be I will get you removed”

“Actually Sally I am still down as Sophie’s next of kin so I’m afraid you can’t do anything about me being here. I am staying and I’m not leaving until Sophie wakes up and tells me to go”

“We’ll see about that” said Sally as she stormed off out of the room to try and find someone to remove Paula.

Paula turned to look at Kevin who was just stood staring at Sophie with tears in his eyes. “Kevin I’m sorry I really didn’t want to argue with Sally. I just want to be here for Sophie and when she wakes up”

Kevin held his hand up for Paula to stop talking. “ I get that, but Paula do you honestly think Sophie would want you here, after everything you put her through? Sophie is only in London as she felt she needed to get away from everything, from what happened and from you”

“Kevin I can’t lose her for a 2nd time and I certainly don’t want any conflict with you or Sally but I am her N.O.K so until she tells me anything different then you are both stuck with me!” She walked over, sat down beside Sophie and held her hand before saying “Sophie sweetheart if you can hear me please, please wake up”

Sally came back in the room looking as angry as she was when she left. “There has to be something we can do? This isn’t right....YOU SHOULDN’T BE HERE”

“Sally look let’s just try get Sophie through this, then we will see what she wants to happen. Right now I don’t care who is here as long as she pulls through”

Sally just walked over to Sophie. “Don’t worry Sophie I’m here now and so is your Dad the ones who love you unconditionally and when you are better we are going to take you back home and help you come through all this AGAIN” Sally then glared at Paula daring her to say otherwise.

Paula was to exhausted to argue and besides as long as she was sat holding Sophie’s hand everyone else could disappear for all she cared.


	4. Chapter 4

A few more hours passed when Dr Gillespie called back to the room to make some checks on Sophie.

“Any news Doctor” 

“Not yet the scans haven’t shown anything that we need to be concerned about. However the next 24/48 hours will be critical for Sophie we cannot see why she is still unconscious. 

Paula bowed her head and squeezed Sophie’s hand, silently preying for her to open her eyes.

“If you leave your number we will get someone to call and keep you updated, there really is no need for you to be here” Sally said looking at Paula

Paula took a deep breath in and sighed “I’ve told you I’m not going anywhere until Sophie tells me to”

“This is just ridiculous Dr surely you can tell us something” snapped Kevin  
It had begun to take its toll on him. The bitching going on between Sally and Paula, Another of his children in hospital in a serious condition, Kevin didn’t know how much more of this he could take.

“Mr Webster we are doing everything we can but sometimes it’s up to the patient themselves or Divine intervention to get them through it”

“Do you even know what you’re doing?” said an irate Kevin

“Mr Web....”

Paula could tell Dr Gillespie was getting annoyed and was probably going to ask Kevin to go calm down and knowing Kevin he would fly off the handle, so she quickly intervened. “It’s ok Dr I’ve got this” and turning to Kevin “You are going to have to keep a hold on things Kevin or they won’t let you stay here” Kevin just glared at her then turned to walk out the door he said “I need 5 mins Sal”

Kevin left the room and the Doctor turned to both women “I’m sorry I can’t tell you much more. The nurses will be doing their observations throughout the night and if you see any changes let us know. Dr Taylor will be the consultant on tomorrow so she will see you in the morning Dr Gillespie walked over to Sophie and said “I hope to see you awake when I return tomorrow evening” Sophie and then he left the room.

Sally walked over to Sophie, stroking her head “Come on Sophie love....you are tougher than this. Your Dad is worried sick and Jack misses you terribly. We can’t lose you Sophie... we just can’t and then she broke into sobs. 

Paula was debating whether to go try and console Sally although she would probably be rebuffed, when all of a sudden she felt Sophie squeeze her fingers.

“Sa....Sally”

“What?” snapped Sally

“Go get the Dr I just felt her squeeze my fingers”

“Ar....are you sure”

Sophie squeezed Paula’s fingers again and this time Sally seen it for herself

“OMG Soph”

“Sal go and get the bloody Dr” Paula said exasperated 

Sally went off and Paula continued trying to stimulate Sophie into doing or saying something else by rubbing her hand, squeezing it and saying “sweetheart come on you can do this, we know you can. We love you very much Soph come on pull through this”

Just as she said that last word a groan came from Sophie which just so happened as Dr Gillespie entered back into the room.

Fifteen minutes had passed and the Doctor had examined Sophie, no further movements or sounds had occurred. Doctor Gillespie assured the women that these were positive signs and that the longer she is sleeping the better her body will heal. He also informed them that maybe it’s best if only two are to be in the room throughout the night at any one time.

Kevin (who had returned to the room upon hearing Sally call for the Doctor) could see this was going to turn into an argument so he offered to wait in the waiting area.

It was 2am and Paula still wasn’t asleep Sally had fallen asleep on the opposite side in a chair against the wall. Paula kept having flashbacks of snip-it’s of their relationship. She was just thinking about the first time they actually kissed when she felt her hand being squeezed again. Paula’s heart stopped and she didn’t know if she had actually felt it or imagined it. She stared at their hands waiting to catch any kind of movement and there it was again. Paula looked up sharply and was shocked to see Sophie was staring back at her. 

“Oh my god Sophie you’re awake thank god” Paula was kissing the hand off Sophie. 

Sophie started sputtering and this woke Sally.

“Sally go fetch the Doctor....She’s awake, Sophie’s awake”

Sally went running out to find the Doctor. “Soph sweetheart try not to move until the Doctor comes in ok?” Sophie just nodded her head in response to Paula. Paula couldn’t believe how Sophie was looking at her. The eyes were full of love and it had been years since Paula had last seen Sophie look at her like that, her heart skipped a beat. 

A Doctor returned with Sally and started doing her checks. “Sophie I am going to take this mask off let you catch your breath but you may cough for the first couple of minutes. Don’t worry there is some water here for you ok?”

Again Sophie just nodded in acknowledgment.

The Doctor took the mask off and Sophie did burst in to a coughing fit. Paula quickly got the glass of water and held it to Sophie’s mouth for her to have a sip, before placing it back down on the side.

“How does that feel now Sophie?” The Doctor asked.

“Better now that’s off” Sophie’s said with a raspy voice.

“Good. Now Sophie do you know where you are?”

“I think a hospital?”

“Yes that’s right my name is Doctor Taylor, now do you know why you are here?”

“Not really no?”

“Ok can you tell me who these people are in the room?”

“Well this is Paula my Partner” said Sophie smiling and looking at Paula with utter love and then turning to look at Sally she said and “this is my Mum Sally”

Paula and Sally stood looking at one another as they could tell something was definitely wrong.

“Ok Sophie where do you live?”

“With Paula in our house in Manchester don’t I babe”

Paula felt sick the Doctor just looked at her with a look as if to say don’t say anything.

“Ok and what year is it?”

“2013”

Sally was dumbstruck Sophie had gone back 6 years and her mouth just hung open but lucky enough Sophie wasn’t looking at Sally so she hadn’t registered something was wrong.

“I’m feeling quite tired now”

“That’s ok Sophie go back to sleep we can talk more in the morning”

“Babe you will stay with me won’t you?”

“Of course sweetheart I’m not going anywhere”

“Well for the next five or ten minutes she will just be outside as I need to speak to her and your mum but your dad is outside and he is waiting to pop in if that’s ok?” Replied the Doctor

“Mmm ok” said Sophie but before any of them even left the room she was asleep again.

Outside Sally quickly told Kevin what had happened before he went in and sat with Sophie. She then went and joined the Doctor and Paula.

“Why is she saying it’s 6 years ago?”

“Mmm I think she may have what we call Amnesia. Sometimes the brain will go back to their happiest time which erases any traumatic events Mrs Metcalfe”

“What does that mean?”

“It means that her memory of the last 6 years has been wiped” said Paula

“Oh that would suit you down to the ground wouldn’t it snapped Sally. “Well we all know what other traumatic event she is trying to wipe out. If you think that I’m going to let her forget everything you have done you’ve got another thing coming” Said Sally as she plonked herself down on a chair.

“I’m afraid it might not be that simple” said the Doctor

“What do you mean by that” Paula said

“Well it can be just as damaging pushing and forcing memories onto Sophie that she doesn’t have then to let them come back gradually or introduce them slowly in the correct way and environment.

“So wha....what you’re saying is we just have to play along?” Paula asked

“Yes and given the reason she is here in the first place this is only the beginning of a long journey. She still has to be told about the assault and that needs to be done delicately and might not even be able to be discussed for a good while yet as that will then bring about why she is here in London. So for now I don’t want you correcting her or doing anything other than going along with her at least not until a Neurologist has examined her and they will discuss with you what the next course of action is. Now I’m going to check she is still asleep then go and speak to the relevant people, I’m sure there will be a lot of tests getting conducted tomorrow”

The Doctor walked off and It was now Paula’s turn to slump down in a chair. It was all too much and she just burst into tears and put her head in her hands.

“I don’t know why you are so upset?” snapped Sally “you get the chance to play a doting girlfriend all over again and worm your way back into her life again”

“Oh ffs Sally can you just shut...just shut the fuck up... you don’t get it do you?”

Although taken aback regarding how Paula had just spoken to her, Sally was wondering what the hell she was going on about. “What are you on about now?”

“Did you hear what she has just said”

“Yes I am sat here you know”

“It means we have to lie to Sophie..It means we can’t tell her what has happened to her yet and it means that because she thinks I am still her partner, I have to go along with this charade”

“Pfft well I’d of thought you would have loved the opportunity to get back with Sophie, you can use this to your advantage”

“Really you think I would want to be back with her under these circumstances? I love Sophie and want nothing more Sally but not like this. Despite what you think I have never ever lied to her and don’t want to start now”

“Whatever Paula, but I know inside you are jumping for joy”

“No Sally I’m not, bec....because what this means is that one day and we don’t know whether that is sooner or later, I am going to have to break Sophie’s heart and lose her all over again”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m glad everyone is enjoying this story. I was worried about the angle of the story so the positive comments have helped. Like always I value any feedback. X

It had been five days now and the whole situation was starting to take its toll on Paula, she was really struggling to keep up the charade. Part of the struggle was that Sophie was constantly reaching out for her and placing kisses on her. Paula had tried her best to keep a distance but on the second day Sophie got really angry with her asking didn’t she find her attractive or love her anymore?” It was the first time Paula was able to be honest with Sophie. “I will always love you Sophie and you are the most beautiful Woman I have ever seen”

“Well kiss me how you normally do then Paula because every time I’ve tried you pull away and I am missing how you feel, how good you taste, I miss you and I miss us”

Sophie was right Paula was pulling away for reasons Sophie was not aware of. The next minute Sophie had her hands round Paula’s neck and said “show me you love me Paula” Paula was lost, all the feelings she had locked away and was trying to protect herself from showing, came out in that one kiss. The kiss was getting heated, when thankfully someone coughing disrupted them. Paula was dazed and Sophie just said “Wow, thank you” before looking up to see who had disrupted them.

“Hi Mum”

Paula turned to look at Sally who was stood there looking like she was about to explode.

“Erm yeah hi Sally”

“Morning Sophie I was going to ask how you are this morning but I can see you must be feeling better?” Sally replied with a bitterness to her voice!

“Mum I don’t understand why you are being like this with Paula, I thought we had all got past this?” 

Sally realised that she had to keep up the pretence but she was furious as Paula had said she would keep a distance and not get involved in that way with Sophie. “Sorry Sophie I just think it’s best you take things easy for now” 

“For gods sake it was only a kiss Mum”

“Still you need to be careful....you need to rest”

“Sweetheart your mum is right we mustn’t get carried away until the doctors tell us you are out of the woods. By this Paula meant until Sophie’s memories had come back but sadness took a grip as she also knew that meant she would lose Sophie all over again and never feel those lips again.

Sophie seen the look of sadness wash over Paula’s face but thought it was because they couldn’t be intimate and that she was struggling with it just as much as Sophie was. “Babe don’t look so sad I’m sure it won’t be too much longer until we can go home”

“If only” thought Paula

A nurse came in to take Sophie’s observations and Sally used this as an excuse to get Paula outside and talk to her about what she had walked in on!

“What the hell was that little display I walked in on?”

“Don’t blame me, what am I meant to do when she is begging me to kiss her and forcing herself on me”

“What? like you need any encouragement in that department”

“Oh ffs Sally I’m only human” before pacing the floor with her hand rubbing her temple. “We need to talk to the Doctor find out how much longer this charade has to carry on for”

“Getting tired of her already are you?”

“Don’t be so ridiculous if anything it’s the opposite.you don’t understand do you Sally? Imagine being in love with Kevin even after you have separated and then him having amnesia and thinking you are both still together and you having to go along with that, knowing one day you will have to let him go all over again”

For a minute Sally felt sorry for Paula but that disappeared when she remembered why Sophie and Paula had separated in the first place.

“You only have yourself to blame Paula and truth be told if you hadn’t done what you did in the first place, Sophie wouldn’t be in this situation now” Sally said crossly as she went back into Sophie’s room.

Paula knew Sally was right. Deep down Paula had been struggling with the feelings of guilt and felt she was to blame for Sophie’s assault because her actions caused Sophie to flee to this godforsaken city in the first place!

Later that afternoon Paula and Sally were able to have a meeting with the Neurologist in charge of Sophie’s care.

Dr Jones was a woman about 40 years of age and had a friendly emphatic demeanour about her.   
“As you are aware Sophie has Amnesia now the brain is complicated and I’m afraid I cannot give you any idea as to when and if those memories will return but wh...”

“What you mean she may never get those memories back”

“Yes that’s exactly what I’m saying Paula”

“Yeah but she has to”

“Paula given what Sophie has been through to end up in here in the first place, maybe it’s not a bad thing if that memory doesn’t return. The Police can’t take any further action at the moment as she is unable to recall the incident, there are no eye witnesses and we have a DNA sample on file so unless the person responsible commits a crime we may never know the culprit. So to tell her straight out will put her in a state of constant fear about what if’s?”

“We can’t lie to her about why she is in here Doctor for Christ sake there are enough lies at the moment and I know Sophie, she would not want anyone lying to her. She values truth and honesty”

“I have to agree with Paula although I am surprised she knows what those words mean Sally said cuttingly”

“Another issue I have is she thinks we are going home to my house in Manchester. She isn’t even aware we have been sep.....er separated for the last five years! Doctor and we both live in London now, so what do I say to her about that?”

The neurologist took a minute to think about all that has been said. “Ok I can see things are far more complicated than I originally thought. Forgive me Paula but I wasn’t aware you no longer had a relationship with Sophie and I’m sorry for putting you in a position that you don’t want to be in”

I have never said I don’t want to be with Sophie but unfortunately Doctor, if Sophie’s memories return she definitely won’t want to be with me, she has made that blatantly clear. 

“Right well I am speaking to DCI Maddison tomorrow she is coming in to speak to me regarding Sophie’s state of health and ability to provide a statement. Obviously that is not something Sophie can do at the moment”

Paula felt sick to think Rebecca was coming to the hospital and she hoped she wouldn’t make a scene in front of Sophie or Sally!

“I will take the night to think about the best way of moving forward with Sophie’s treatment because at the moment she doesn’t have much of a medical reason to be here. We given we cannot discharge her until some work has been done on why she won’t be going back to the house she remembers in Manchester then the next step would be how we can prepare her for that. There certainly is a lot of talking needed with Sophie on a number of issues. We have to be extremely careful not to overload her or overwhelm her. This has to be done delicately and over time”

“So what your saying is tomorrow I may have to break her heart all over again, my own too?”

“I’m sorry but it looks that way. I also have to think about how we go about telling her why she is in here due to the added complication of the sexual assault”

“What do you mean?” Sally asked hesitantly 

“Well we know that she was sexually assaulted given by the evidence we collected”

Both Sally and Paula gasped as despite hearing previously that they suspected an assault had taken place no one had actually informed them that this had been confirmed. “Why has no one informed us that this has been confirmed?”

“I’m so sorry I was under the impression that you have been informed. As far as I knew the police were going to tell you and we thought they had”

Paula was furious fucking Rebecca wait until I see her she thought”

“Oh my god my poor baby” Sally cried. Paula herself couldn’t stop the tears from falling either. Thinking back to the time when they had the discussion about Paula being bisexual and how proud Sophie was about always knowing she was a lesbian and that no man had ever touched her or been inside her. How dare someone take that away from her! 

“OMG”

“What Paula?” Sally said

“Wha....what if they have passed some sort of STI onto Sophie”?

Sally looked at Paula stunned is there anymore shit that Sophie was going to have to face! She then looked at the Dr waiting for her response to Paula’s question.

“Well we will have to do some tests to check that but we need Sophie’s consent. However under the circumstances as you are down as Sophie’s Next of Kin Paula you can give us consent to run a blood test for HIV and we can have the results back the same day but Sophie would need the test repeating in a months time as sometimes it can take up to that long to show itself”

Paula’s head was spinning as if Sophie didn’t have enough to contend with. “Yes do the test” there was no hesitancy from Paula.

“I’ll arrange for bloods to be taken straight away and then we can meet say 4pm to discuss results and any other questions you may have, after digesting all we have discussed today”

“Ok thank you Doctor” Sally said as both women stood to leave the room.

Once outside the room it was Sally who surprisingly spoke first. “I think we had better go somewhere and talk don’t you?”

Paula was stunned at first that Sally was even suggesting they both talk but also felt that they needed to as there was a lot to discuss. 

“Yes I think you’re right”

With that Sally walked off looking for someone suitable that they could talk and Paula followed wondering what this discussion was to entail.


	6. Chapter 6

Sally found a room that was empty and private that both women could sit down and talk in. 

They took their seats and both women just placed their heads in their hands. trying to take a minute to take stock of everything that had been said.

“I can’t believe this has happened to her Paula as if she hasn’t gone through enough as it is already, in her short life?”

Paula voice cracking said “I know Sal” She reached out to squeeze Sally’s hand and for once Sally let her.

After a couple of minutes Paula withdrew her hand and Sally started talking.

“I asked you to come and talk Paula because we know Sophie best and I think we need to decide the best way to treat Sophie and in what order”

 

Paula couldn’t believe it was Sally who was appearing to be the calm and logical one but then again a Mother’s Love is resilient and you would do anything for your children.

“I don’t know Sal the whole thing is a huge mess... where do we even start?”

“I’ve been thinking and it makes more sense for Sophie to return to Manchester. We cannot stay down here for god knows how long Kev has the garage to run and Jack to look after. I can look at possibly giving up work to look after Sophie”

“Sally you can’t afford to do that and also from what I hear Sophie has made a life for herself here. What if when her memories return, she gets angry that we decided she returns to Manchester?”

“Paula, Sophie May have a job and friends here but she existed she didn’t live. She couldn’t move on from you. Maybe one of us can talk to her manager see if they can keep her position open for her as surely they couldn’t sack her anyway, given the situation? She was also renting and told me just before the...well you know what, that she was looking for somewhere else, so not returning there shouldn’t be an issue. Anyhow the way I see it she can always come back if she really wants to”!

Paula had to admit that Sally spoke a lot of sense.

Sally continued “we can speak to Dr Jones and see if she recommends a good Neuro and Psychologist in Manchester who can take over Sophie’s care?

Paula’s head was working overtime and the more she was thinking about what Sally was saying the more it felt right. 

“What do you think?” Sally asked.

“I think you are probably right but on one condition”

“What’s that?”

“I still have my house in Manchester and I am financially stable. As Sophie believes she still lives there then I think it could only help with her recovery if she moves back into my house and I look after her”

“Paula I don’t thi...”

Sally this is the only way I will agree to what you are saying. Let me for once make things right...give me this chance. Enough shit has happened without you losing your job and feeling the strains of financial pressures. 

“I don’t kn....”

“Sally you only heard one side of a story. I have never had chance to speak to Sophie or anyone about what really happened and to explain why. All I can say is that things are not how they seem, but I think Sophie is the one who deserves to be given that explanation first, if and when the time is right. I have also never stopped loving Sophie. So please let me look after her. You can come over whenever you like, even stay over if you want?”

“What if her memories return and she gets mad that I allowed her to go back to yours, knowing how she felt about you and that you had both separated.? I don’t want her to feel I’ve let her down” Sally said with tears falling.

“Sally, Sophie is going to have a lot to deal with and yes she probably will be angry at first if that happens, hell who wouldn’t be! However I also know Sophie and she will eventually understand we have done everything for the right reasons acting in her best interests”

“What if that bastard has infected her Paula?”

“It will be hard don’t get me wrong but I would still want to look after her Sally”


	7. Chapter 7

Paula and Sally had agreed that Kevin and Sally would go and speak to Sophie’s manager at the hotel, whilst Paula waited to hear what the police had to say when they came in. Truth be told Paula was thankful that Sally wasn’t going to be around when Rebecca called in especially as it would be the first time they had seen each other since Paula called and asked to be taken off the case.

Luckily when Rebecca turned up at the hospital Sophie was asleep. Paula stood outside the room and spoke to her

“ So this is the famous Sophie then? I must admit I didn’t expect her to be so young” Rebecca said with a hint of disgust in her voice”

“Well it doesn’t really concern you does it so your opinion doesn’t matter in that respect”

Rebecca was annoyed at Paula and truth be told she felt like Paula has used her. “Nice to see I mean so much to you”

“I told you I wasn’t looking for a relationship Rebecca and that night I was quite drunk and upset”

“So what...you saying I took advantage of you now?”

“If the shoe fits”

“Paula I would nev...”

“Babe who is that you are talking to?”

They heard Sophie call out. Paula turned “we’ll be through soon sweetheart just give us a couple of minutes yeah?”

“Ok”

“Rebecca I’m telling you now you say anything to Sophie or anyone else”

“Don’t threaten me Paula”

“It’s not a threat it’s a promise. Sophie has enough to deal with and she is not to know about our relationship ending. If you so much as insinuate it or mention what happened between us then I will be the first to have you up in court for breach of confidentiality and unprofessional conduct due to a conflict of interest do you understand me”

Rebecca was furious and knowing Paula and her reputation she didn’t for one minute think Paula was bluffing. As Paula went to walk back into the room Rebecca grabbed her arm and said through gritted teeth “Don’t flatter yourself and be careful Paula what goes around comes around” before walking in ahead of Paula.

Paula took a moment to compose herself furious at the way Rebecca had the final word, before entering the room.

“So Sophie how are you doing?”

Sophie was confused she didn’t know the woman speaking to her and her smile didn’t quite look genuine. For some reason and she didn’t know why but she didn’t like nor did she trust this woman. She had also seen her and Paula look like they were having a heated exchange of words especially when she saw this woman grab Paula’s arm but for now she would keep that to herself as again for some unknown reason she had a feeling it was best brought up at another date. “Erm Ok I suppose but who are you?”

Rebecca had already been told by Doctor Jones to say she was a colleague who was checking how she was doing. She was allowed to ask her the same questions again so she could see the memory issue herself but nothing beyond that as any further interviewing of Sophie needed to be done with the instructions and advice of a Psychologist. “I’m a colleague of Doctor Jones and I’m afraid I may have to ask questions you have already answered but just pacify me ok?”

Sophie looked at Paula for confirmation it was ok and Paula nodded her head. ,”Babe come sit with me” said Sophie patting her bed.

Rebecca felt nauseous at the scene as Paula took her place and held Sophie’s hand. “So are you ok to answer a few questions Sophie?”

“Erm yeah ok”

“What’s your full name?”

“Sophie Webster”

“How old are you?”

“23”

“What year is it?”

“2013”

“Where do you live?”

Sophie grinned and looked at Paula “With this sexy lady here, in our house in Manchester”

“Would you say you have a good relationship and can trust your partner Sophie?”

Paula snapped her head up glaring at Rebecca, what the hell did she think she was playing at?

Rebecca just glared back at Paula and then turned to look at Sophie waiting for her to answer.

Sophie was puzzled why would she be getting asked that and why was this woman staring at her with that fake smile in place again. Something definitely didn’t feel right here and sooner or later she would find out what. “Erm I haven’t been asked that before can you tell me why you are asking me that?”

Paula was furious and she turned holding both Sophie’s hands in hers “Sophie sweetheart you don’t have to answer that question”

“Babe why wouldn’t I answer it I’m not ashamed of you and I believe in what we have whole heartedly.I know for a fact that you would never do anything to hurt me. I just want to know why she is asking? Don’t you think it’s a bit strange a nurse asking me that?”

Paula felt even worse hearing Sophie talk like that and she knew Rebecca would be enjoying the fact she was making Paula uncomfortable. “A little but obviously she must have to ask for a reason?” Paula glared at Rebecca

Well we are checking patients Next Of Kin and that their relationships are strong/close enough to make decisions for the other person if they aren’t able to and if there is trust. If not then we are advising people to change it to a person who they know trusts and loves them enough to make the correct decisions on their behalf.

“Well I can assure you that I have no qualms about Paula being my Next Of Kin we are engaged to be married? Would I be marrying her if I didn’t trust her?

Paula and Rebecca had been stunned by this announcement. Paula because it had been a longtime since she had heard Sophie mention the engagement and it threw her for a moment. Rebecca was stunned because Paula had not mentioned she had been engaged.

“I think that will be all for now” Rebecca turned to leave when Sophie said “you haven’t told me who you are?”

“It’s ok Sophie I am no one important and you won’t have to see me again” before walking out”

Paula turned to Sophie and could see Sophie was very confused and would no doubt have a barrage of questions. “Er sweetheart I’m just going to find out what that was all about ok?”

Paula got outside the room and followed Rebecca down the corridor. “Rebecca she called out quietly but assertively”

Rebecca stopped and turned around. “What?”

“What the fuck was all that about?”

“Just doing my job, now if you don’t mind”

“In fact I do” said Paula turning her round to face her. “All that shit about relationship and trust was not part of your job and you were warned not to talk about it”

“I will talk about what I dam well please but you know what I am not going to say anything to Sophie. I won’t need to, you see you will fuck it all up, just like you did last time Paula. You are not capable of commitment as you like the attention too much. I feel sorry for Sophie having you in her life. I’m sure she was more than happy without you” and she walked off leaving Paula stood alone.

Rebecca had hit a nerve and she had to compose herself before rejoining Sophie. Paula had to speak to Sally she was beginning to have doubts about their arrangement maybe Sophie was better off, if Paula left her to get on with her life? After all she hadn’t come looking for her in the last five years. Paula had a second chance to make things right with Sophie and show her she will always put her needs above her own. How does the saying go “if you love someone enough then you had to let them go”


	8. Chapter 8

Paula returned back to Sophie’s room to find she had fallen asleep. Well it was probably best as Paula couldn’t be sure what questions Sophie was going to want to ask her when she returned. It was 14:00 and there was 2 hours before Sally and Paula were due to meet Dr Jones again. Paula needed to speak to Sally and Kevin before they went in to the meeting. Hopefully when they got back Sophie would still be asleep so as not to make her suspicious about them all rushing off to speak all the time.

14:30 Sally and Kevin walked through the doors, Sophie was still sleeping and Paula put her fingers to her lips to tell them to be quiet and nodded her head to the side as if to tell them she wanted to speak with them outside.

Paula walked out and said can we talk over here in the relatives room for a minute please. Sally and Kevin followed her over. “Paula it’s good news Sophie’s boss is more than happy to keep Sophie’s position for her at least for the next 4 months then we will revisit it then but isn’t that fab?”

“Erm yeah I guess so. The thing is.....well the thing is”?

“The thing is what said Sally?”

“Ohhhhh Sally I don’t know I’ve been thinking about what we said whilst you’ve been gone and”

“And let me guess you’ve realised you don’t want the burden of looking after Sophie?”

“No.. well not exactly... well not like how you have put it”

“I knew it didn’t I say Kevin”

“Sal just wait a minute Ok?” Let Paula say what she has got to say”

“That police officer came round today and she asked was Sophie happy with me and did she trust me. Sophie said why wouldn’t she trust the person she was engaged to be married to and it’s the first time she has mentioned it and it made me feel sick to think she trusts me but I am lying to her Sally. I feel I am manipulating her for my own selfish wants and needs. Hell she hasn’t tried to get in touch once in five years Sally. Doesn’t that tell us she wants me out her life?” Paula started crying

It was Kevin who spoke up “Sophie still and has always loved you Paula. She may have ran away to get away from all the memories but she took them with her. She did try ringing you within those first two months but a man called Simon answered and told her you where in the shower. Sophie was sure this was the new man in your life and couldn’t bring herself to call you again for fear of rejection. In five years she has never been with another person well apart from you know, what has just happened”

Paula was dumbstruck it was the first time she had anyone tell her Sophie did love her still. Apart from Sophie but she was stuck in the past.

“Why didn’t you say anything before now?” 

“It wasn’t my place to say and besides Sophie told me this as her confidante. I wasn’t about to break her trust but drastic times calls for drastic measures”

Sally too was shocked by Kevin’s confession as she really thought Sophie had moved on and detested Paula. Truth be told she was hoping it had just been a fad between Sophie and Paula.

“You see Paula, Sophie told me that you once said if you see something you should just go for it” Paula blushed as she remembered the exact circumstances regarding when she said those words to Sophie. “The way I see it Paula if you really want Sophie in your life and to be with her then this is your chance to make things right and if her memory comes back then you get the chance to explain what happened and why. If her memory doesn’t come back well it’s up to you whether you decide to tell her or not, that you had been separated for five years. What I will say is before you go into that meeting at 4pm, you need to be sure on what you decide! If you are going to walk away you say bye today and Sally and I will get Sophie through this and we really wouldn’t hold it against you. However If you decide to stay then it’s on the understanding that you are in it for the long run and so help me god if you don’t love her and look after her the way she deserves. Do you hear what I’m saying Paula”?

Paula had to give it to Kevin he held his own, was perfectly calm and talked a lot of sense. Many thought Sally was the bossy parent but when it came down to it Kevin always said his peace and that was the final say on the matter!

Paula had a lot of thinking to do.


	9. Chapter 9

Sally was stood outside Dr Jones office it was 15:55pm and she was waiting to see if Paula was going to turn up or not. After Kevin and Sally had spoken with Paula she had gone off to take some time to think things over. 

It was 16:00 and Dr Jones came out of her office “oh Hello Mrs Metcalfe I was expecting Paula to be with you, is she not coming to this meeting?

“Er well I do...”

“Yes sorry Doctor I was just caught up sorting some stuff out” said Paula as she walked over to join them. Sally looked at Paula with raised eyebrow as if to ask was she sure this is what she wanted and Paula nodded and smiled at Sally to say yes she was sure.

“Right well you both best come through to my office then”. They all walked in and took their seats.  
“Right well the good news is that the first test has come back as negative”

“Thank god for that” Sally said Paula just breathed out a sigh of relief.

“Let’s hope the 2nd test has the same outcome” Sally said.

“Now I’ve been thinking about what we discussed yesterday and...”

“Before you go on Doctor we have discussed this and we think it’s best if Sophie returns to Manchester and her care is transferred to someone who we are hoping you could recommend?”

“Returning to where”

“To live in my house, our old home” Paula replied.

Dr Jones just sat back in her chair and put her pen down.

“You see Doctor we can’t stay here forever and none of us know when Sophie’s memory will return or if it ever will at all. Paula has suggested Sophie moves back in with her as that’s familiar to Sophie at this stage of her memory”

“I see” said the Doctor and turning to look at Paula she said “and you’re ok with this?”

“Absolutely Doctor”

“It’s not going to be easy for you both, you do realise that don’t you?”

“We are sure there are going to be lots of bumps along the way but Paula has both mine and Kevin’s full support we will be there every step of the way”

“Right well Sophie won’t be able to go anywhere for the next week or so as the Psychologist has a few sessions scheduled over the next coming days and we will also have to prepare her for returning to the world”

“What do you mean by that” asked Sally

“In here Mrs Metcalfe we have been able to protect and wrap Sophie up but when she leaves she would only have to look at a phone, newspaper, internet or TV and the date will be there for her to see. She will soon realise that she has lost six years off her life and that can be difficult under ‘normal’ circumstances, let alone Sophie’s”

“Ohhhh Yes I see what you mean”

“Don’t Worry Dr Nicholson the Psychologist is going to see you all tomorrow too as she won’t just be working with Sophie, she will have to do some work with you guys and some sessions with all of you together. Is that ok?”

“Anything that helps Sophie is ok with me” Paula replied

Right so we will wait until you see Dr Nicholson and I will look into what Doctors are located in Manchester.

“Before you leave I would like a word with Paula on her own if that’s ok?”

“No problem Doctor (although Sally was curious as to why she wanted to talk to Paula alone) I will go and join Sophie and Kevin. See you when you get there Paula”.

“Ok Sally”

Sally got up and left Paula with Dr Jones.

“Why did you want to see me on my own Doctor?”

“I want to make sure you know what you are agreeing to and that you are sure you want to go through with this?” If you have any doubts Paula I can always insist Sophie stays here in London for her treatment until she has the capability to make her own informed choices”.

“Of course I know it’s not going to be easy but I want to be there for Sophie I don’t doubt what she means to me Dr”.

“Paula you in essence will be moving back into your home in every sense as Partners and Sophie will expect to continue the relationship she thinks you have. This also includes values such as and includes truth, honesty and integrity and this is without the added issues regarding intimacy”

Paula blushed “I understand that Doctor but forgive me what does that have to do with you or anyone else?”

“Well on top of the fact she thinks the relationship is solid and from what you told me there has been no contact for over five years, how do you think Sophie will react when she realises that? Not forgetting there is still the chance that Sophie could be HIV+”

Paula had to admit the Doctor was right to be worried about Sophie’s reaction to the truth but it wasn’t something she hadn’t thought about and discussed with Sally and Kevin. “Look Doctor all I can say is we are doing what we think is best and for Sophie and within our abilities. We will all work together to be there for Sophie and see her through the rough patches as well as the smooth. No one knows what to expect or how this will pan out but as long as we all have each other and that Sophie is loved and cared for then that’s all that matters. In regards to intimacy to be honest I hadn’t even thought about that but we will cross that bridge when we come to it. There is no way I am giving up on what we had again Doctor and I will fight for her with every breath in my body”

“Well in that case I wish you all luck and I hope things work out really well for you all. You know Paula we are not always lucky to get a second chance at things in life but sometimes things happen for a reason, not always the nicest of things but still.....I hope you and Sophie moving forward have a happy and fulfilled life”

Paula got teary and thanked the Doctor as she made her way out of the office and returned to Sophie’s room. She stood watching her laughing with Kevin and Sally, god how she missed that smile and those moments of Sophie glowing with happiness. There were those feelings again the butterflies in the stomach and the heart skipping a beat. Sophie always managed to bring out those feelings in Paula, no on else had and it was so good to see her smiling again although Paula knew once the therapy started things would certainly be different.

Sophie looked up and they both held each other’s gaze. “Hey you I’ve missed you so much”

Paula chuckled “I haven’t been gone that long”

“Long enough you know I don’t like you being away too long” Paula felt guilty hearing Sophie say this and thought back to the fact they have had over 5 years apart. Sophie could see a shadow pass Paula’s face and wondered what was up.“Hey what are you thinking about?” 

“You as always”

“You look worried, come here and let me give you a hug and kiss to make you feel better”

“Just seeing you smile always makes me feel better” said Paula as she walked over to Sophie and let her pull her into her arms.

Sophie whispered “when we are back home I know another way to make you feel better”

Paula tensed on hearing this and the Doctors words came back to her. Sophie felt Paula tense and started to think something was definitely wrong. She pulled back and looked at Paula “babe are you sure you’re ok?”

“I’m just tired and worried about you”

Sophie could tell Paula was not being totally trueful. “Hmmmm why do I think there is something you are not telling me?”

Before Paula had the chance to answer a nurse came in saying Paula, Sally and Kevin where all wanted for a meeting. They all gave Sophie a hug, told her to rest and they would be back soon. Paula gave her a peck on the lips and followed the others out.

Sophie lay down her mind utterly confused Paula was definitely different since this morning but she didn’t know why. One thing was for sure she would find out later what the hell was going on with her?Sophie despite being worried was exhausted and fell asleep in no time.

Dr Nicholson introduced herself to Sally, Kevin and Paula. So today is just a brief introductory meeting to explain the process of what I am going to be doing with Sophie to prepare her for discharge and for her returning to Manchester.

“So I will be seeing Sophie this afternoon, now I understand Sophie thinks she is in Manchester and that she is in hospital due to an incident, but has not been told what incident. Is that correct?”

“Yes replied Paula”

“I also understand that you have been separated over 5 years and now she is going to be returning into your care but no one has told her the relationship was over? 

“That’s also correct” replied Paula

I have also been informed that she hasn’t a current partner here in London or an ex in between you separating and now”

“Yes Doctor” replied Kevin

“Right well I will be breaking up  
Our therapy sessions based on these two things and depending on Sophie’s reaction will depend how much time we spend on certain areas but I must warn you all, things are going to get extremely difficult, tense and very emotional at times”.

“We understand that Doctor” replied Kevin

“Do you really? Sophie is going to be very angry when she realises she has lost some of her memories, that what she has been told recently isn’t the truth and will obviously constantly be questioning whether what she is being told going forward is the truth. She will become very angry and bitter and the people they take it out on are the ones most closest to them”

“We have to give her time and take each day as it comes” said Paula 

“Yes and when she realises we have her...

“Mrs Metcalfe Sophie may never realise anything and may go through life blaming you for everything. Sometimes patients reject those who have tried to help them through this. Can you handle the rejection? Can you handle separating from her again Paula?”

“Doctor we are just doing what we feel is right, there are no rule books here, god knows we could do with one. The one thing we all agree on is we have to try for Sophie’s sake”

I just need you to understand what a journey you all have in front of you and that it hasn’t even started yet. However you will have numbers of people you can contact for support if needed and also the Psychologist taking over will give you their number as and when that happens.  
Now have you given any thought as to what we can say to Sophie about the reason she is in London?”

“Well I’ve been thinking about that and I don’t ever want us to lie if possible and when we do then it has to be as close to the truth as possible” said Paula

“I agree” said The Doctor

“So I was thinking once Sophie is told about the six year gap then we can say we had both moved here all beit temporarily for employment reasons. What do you think?”

“I think that may work” Kevin replied

“Yes right, well we will try that” said the Doctor.

“So today’s session with Sophie will be focused on bringing her up to speed about the date and then filling in the gap about her being in London. How long are we saying she has been here for?”

“Again best stick with the truth over 5 years” said Paula

“5 years is longer then temporary”

“Well we will just say that time passed by and opportunities arose that we didn’t see the need to return as of yet”

“Ok well if any of you have any questions then feel free to ask Dr Jones to let me know you want to see me. Otherwise I will see you all back here tomorrow. Unless something comes up within my first session with Sophie today and if that’s the case then I will be over to speak with you”

“I have a question” said Paula

“Yes” replied the Doctor

“Can I be in the session with Sophie today as her support?”

“Well let me ask her whether she would like you to be present when I come to collect her ok?”

“Thanks Doctor”

“Ok so I will see you all later then”

“Bye Doctor”

Paula, Sally and Kevin left heading to Sophie’s room. All lost in their own thoughts, worried and anxious about what the future held for them.


	10. Chapter 10

Dr Nicholson enters Sophie’s room “Hi Sophie I am Dr Nicholson, how are you today?”

“To be honest I’m beginning to wonder why I am having to see so many doctors and why I am here in the first place?”

“Well hopefully we can make a start on answering some of those questions for you. Now in a moment we will go along to my office but Paula has asked if she can come along. So would you like her to join us from the beginning or call for her during the session?”

“No I want her there from the start if that’s ok?” Sophie looked at Paula and squeezed her hand.

“Yes sure, right well we best get going then”

Sophie was feeing sick with nerves. She couldn’t understand what all the fuss was about but she knew whatever was happening, must be something big or deep, for all these Doctors to take an interest in her. She was glad to have Paula with her, whilst they were together they could get through anything.

When they were in Dr Nicholson’s office and settled she began the introductions.

“Right Sophie before we start there is water here so help yourself at anytime you may need a drink ok”?

“Thank you Doctor”

“Right as I said before my name is Dr Nicholson and I am a Psychologist based here at the hospital”

A psychologist but wha...what do I need a Psychologist for? asked Sophie obviously worried. Looking from the doctor to Paula. She searched for Paula’s hand and grabbed a hold of it tightly.

OMG Ive had some sort of breakdown haven’t I? that’s why everyone has been elusive OMG Sophie started breathing heavily. 

“Sophie calm down I can assure you that you haven’t had a breakdown” said Doctor Nicholson

“She right sweetheart, you need to calm down and let the Doctor speak you can’t jump to conclusions”. All the time Paula was stroking Sophie’s arm and with each stroke Sophie was calming down.

The Doctor could see what a calming influence Paula was on Sophie and was glad she was sat in today’s meeting.

“Now Sophie you need to let me talk and answer any questions I ask as we go along. When I’ve finished talking then you can discuss any questions or concerns you may have. We have a lot to go through and in circumstances like this, I find this is the best way to do it. Remember if you need a drink or want to stop at anytime then just say ok?”

“O...ok” Sophie replied nervously. 

“Right I need you to tell me what you remember up to before you woke in hospital?”

“Ok well erm I remember going to bed after we had dinner with Isla at “The Cliffs” restaurant. It was such a lovely meal and I was really nervous as we were breaking the news to Isla about getting engaged”

Paula was stunned beyond belief, Sophie was describing a night that was a month before Sophie and her, had separated. 

Sophie looked at Paula and Paula smiled her nervous smile at her. Sophie was trying to work out why Paula may be nervous.

“Anything else about that night?”

Well we were both pleased that Isla took it so well (squeezes Paula’s hand) and invited her home for drinks but she needed to be up early so said she would catch up with us at the weekend. We both went home and had some drinks then we, well we went to bed”. Sophie and Paula were staring at each other, smiling and both blushing at the memory, knowing that they had spent the rest of that night and most of the next morning, making love to each other. 

They were brought out of their daydream by the Doctor coughing, she knew exactly what Sophie and Paula must have been remembering and could see first hand, the love they both had for each other. She did think to herself what an earth had happened, for two people obviously so in love to become separated.

“Ok Sophie I am going to show something to you now and it is going to be a shock, but remember I am here to help you through it and so is Paula. Ok?”

Sophie was even more nervous now what on earth was the Doctor about to show her?

The Doctor took out a newspaper. This is today’s paper Sophie I picked it up on my way to work this morning. The doctor opened it up and spread it on the table. The front picture was a report on how the country was still arguing over ‘Brexit’ Sophie didn’t have a clue what Brexit was. There was also a picture of some lady called Theresa May who they had down as the Prime Minster but David Cameron was, so not for the first time, the papers had got things wrong. Sophie was completely confused and struggling to understand, what all this had to do with her!

“What do you think about that Sophie?”

“Well the papers have a habit of getting things wrong they have that woman as the Prime Minister when we all know it’s David Cameron” chuckled Sophie. “I am also confused as to what this has to do with me?”

The Doctor moved closer and said “Look at the date on the paper Sophie” as Sophie looked down the Doctor signalled to Paula silently to be ready to hold on to Sophie’s hand.

Sophie read the date 20th March 2019! Sophie was really confused 2019....that’s not right as it’s 2013 “so they have the date wrong too....someone needs to write in to these people and tell them they need some sort of quality control” Sophie looked at Paula and then the Doctor. Why didn’t they see this mistake? Something was definitely odd here.

“Sophie everything on the front of that paper is true there are no mistakes” said Dr Nicholson

“Don’t be silly it’s 2013. Tell her Paula” Sophie said looking at Paula but straight away Sophie could see that Paula agreed with what the Doctor was saying. Sophie started to get agitated and Paula was trying her best to keep her calm but Sophie was in a state of panic, fear, overwhelmed or a mixture of all three.

“Sweetheart calm down and the doctor will explain all, but it’s true lov”

“What are you trying to do to me?” Sophie said jumping up quickly and pulling her hand from Paula’s, moving over to the corner of the room, trying to put as much distance between her and them as she could. Paula went to stand but Dr Nicholson put her arm out placing it on Paula as if telling her to stay in her seat” “What is this? some crazy back to the future shit, they had a magazine from the future too” Sophie had her arms and hands up reaching over her ears and placed on the top of her head. “I don’t know what the fuck kind of game this is but please stop as I don’t like it, I don’t like it at all. Paula please stop make the Dr stop too, Pleaseeee Paula”

Paula had tears streaming down her face she could see how distraught and scared Sophie was and felt so helpless but she had to take her cue from the doctor on this, she was the expert.

“Sophie I know this is a lot to take in and I can understand you need some time to comprehend this but what we are telling you is true and there is a reason why you can’t remember this, but none of it is your fault do you hear me? We are not lying to you Sophie”

Sophie couldn’t understand what was happening everything started swimming and she felt violently sick all of a sudden and she felt like she was falling. 

“Shit” Paula jumped up running over to Sophie. She placed her hands behind her head and tried to pull her upright in a seating position. Sophie had slumped slowly down the wall whilst being sick at the same time. 

Dr Nicholson picked up some clean paper towels and took a couple of them soaking them in cold water. She walked over to where Sophie and Paula where. Passing Paula the towels she then returned back to her desk to fetch Sophie a glass of water.

“Paula went about cleaning Sophie up. Sweetheart please just listen to the Doctor she will help you”

“I don’t understand babe and I don’t feel very well”

“I know and that will be because you’re scared but I’m here for you and we will get through this love, do you hear me?”

“My head is hurting”

“That’s normal Sophie when someone has had a shock like this. I would be more worried if it wasn’t. Would you like me to go and fetch you a clean top from your room?” Doctor Nicholson asked

Sophie just nodded and Dr Nicholson went off to get Sophie a clean top.

“How can I not remember the last six years Paula,” by now Sophie was shaking and crying. Paula knew Sophie was in shock. She also felt guilty that she couldn’t explain further, nor could she take away all the pain and hurt coming Sophie’s way”

Paula spent the next ten minutes comforting and consoling Sophie, trying to get her breathing under control and to stop Sophie from shaking.

Dr Nicholson re entered and passed Paula the clean top. Paula gently helped Sophie up and changed her top for her. She wiped her face with the cool paper towel and pulled her hair back. “Are you ok to walk back over and sit down?” she gently asked Sophie 

Sophie just nodded and Paula guided her back to the chair.

“Would you like a glass of water Sophie?”

“Yes please”

Dr Nicholson handed Sophie the glass but her hands were shaking so much Paula took the glass off her and realised it to Sophie’s mouth to help her have a sip.

After about 5 minutes Dr Nicholson asked Sophie “if she was ok to continue with the session and again?” Sophie nodded.

“I know this is a lot to take in Sophie but I can promise you will get through this loss of memory (she stipulated memory part as the Doctor knew that further in the week Sophie was going to have to be told something that she may never get over) and things will become easier, in fact it has been known that patients do get their memory back sometimes”

This statement made Paula slightly uncomfortable for obvious reasons.

“Now is there anything you would like to ask?”

“How did it happen and why did it happen?”

“Remember when I said earlier that some questions can be answered in today’s session but not all?”

Sophie nodded in acknowledgement 

“Well do you mind if we leave that question until the next session as that session is built around how you came to be here. It’s best not to try too much at once Sophie and that is a new session by itself”

“Ok are we, we are in Manchester aren’t we?”

Paula grabbed Sophie’s hand and started stroking her arm Sophie knew immediately that she again was going to hear something that may freak her out by Paula’s need to comfort her.

“No Sophie you are in London and have been living here for the last five years”

To say Sophie was stunned was an understatement. She turned to Paula “is this true too?”

“Yes sweetheart”

“But why London I mean we’re so happy in Manchester, why would I even think of leaving Jack, my family and you Isla?”

“We moved for employment reasons Sophie and the years just passed us by” Paula felt really uncomfortable as no matter how they dressed it up, she was still lying to Sophie as this wasn’t the main reason for them moving!

“What do I... no do we actually live in London”?

“Yes”

“I can’t understand why I don’t remember any of this!” Sophie was starting to get agitated again and Dr Nicholson decided Sophie had enough for one day.

Right I think we will call it a day for now but Sophie now you must listen to me, as this is important. I do not want you asking Paula and your family what happened to be in here. We need to discuss that in tomorrow’s session and I promise tomorrow, we can answer your question around that but today you need to rest up, as you have had a traumatic day. My advice would be, return back to your bed cuddle up with Paula and now you know about the memory loss we can put a TV in your room, we couldn’t have one in there before for obvious reasons. So just snuggle up and chill, watch a movie or some silly reality programme. How does that sound?”

I can’t help but worry however I do hear what your saying and I’m still not feeling so good. Snuggling up to Paula l, well I don’t need to be told twice about that and she gave a little nervous smile to Paula who placed a kiss on her forehead.

“Ok Sophie well you get some rest and I will see you both here tomorrow” 

Paula took Sophie by the hand and slowly walked her to her room. Sally and Kevin had told Paula they would leave visiting Sophie until later that evening as they knew she would need some rest. 

Once back in the room Paula helped Sophie into bed. 

“Babe will you lie here with me please?”

“Of course sweetheart” Paula took her shoes off and her jacket then slid on top of the bed gathering Sophie in her arms. Sophie placed her head on Paula’s chest and Paula stroked Sophie’s head. “Are you ok?”

“I am now. I love you so much babe and can’t believe you are still here with me, helping me through all this. I feel sick to think of all the memories of us, that I’ve lost. I love you so much babe please don’t leave me”

Paula felt guilty as hell. She knew today was mild, compared to what Sophie had coming to her next and the fact that the years Sophie was missing and upset about were the ones that her and Paula hadn’t been together. She answered as best she could “I love you too Sophie, I am here for you and I don’t plan on going anywhere ever. She could tell by her breathing that Sophie had fallen asleep. Paula couldn’t help the silent tears falling from her eyes.


	11. Chapter 11

Paula was disturbed from her sleep by Sally and Kevin entering the room. She must have fell asleep comforting Sophie. She managed to pull her arm out from under Sophie and get herself down off the bed without disturbing Sophie, so she could speak to Sally and Kevin outside.

“How did it go?” Kevin asked

“Oh it was absolutely awful I felt so helpless”

“What happened?” Sally asked  
Well when the Doctor told Sophie she was a Psychologist, Sophie panicked and then thought she must have had a break down”

“Oh no poor Sophie”

“Then I managed to calm her down and Dr Nicholson told her she was going to show her something but just to answer her questions and any questions or concerns she had then she would answer them at the end”.

“Ok so what did she show her?” Kevin said

“She opened up a newspaper that had Brexit and May headlines on it. Sophie thought it was a misprint but then the Doctor brought her attention to the date and she still didn’t believe it until we told her it was correct. Oh Sal/Kev I’ve never seen anything like it she flew to the other side of the room screaming that we were trying to play games with her. She got in such a state she threw up and slid down the wall, all the time asking me to her her to stop the games”. 

Paula was crying now and Sally pulled her into a hug. Paula managed to get a hold of her emotions and composed herself enough to pull out of the hug and continue.

“The Doctor told her that we now lived in London and she can’t understand why she would ever leave her family, Isla or Jack. Hell she even got annoyed that she had lost 6 years of memories regarding our relationship and that made me feel even worse, I tell you”

“What did you tell her was the reason she was in London?” Kevin asked.

“Exactly what we agreed that we had moved here for employment reasons and had been here for over 5 years”

“The Doctor has told her to take it easy tonight and she mustn’t ask us questions about why she is here because that’s tomorrow’s session”

“She remembers up to a month before we separated to the night we told Isla about us getting engaged” This made Paula feel choked again.

“Sally I feel like I am letting her down so much, she said she loved me before and thanked me for being here, helping her through it and made me promise never to leave her. Wait til she finds out I’ve been lying to her and we haven’t been together for...”

Paula stop this now we cannot change the past! Lord knows if we could, then we definitely would. All we can do is look to the future, you are here now and soon enough the past can be discussed, but right now you have to focus on Sophie’s recovery and what is needed for that to happen. Do you hear me?”

“Yes but Sal”

“No buts Paula. Do you love Sophie?”

“With all my heart, always have and always will”

“Do you want to be with her?”

“You know I do”

“Well then that’s all that matters. Now tomorrow is another day and if you’d rather Kev or I sit in on that session w...”

“No she has made me promise I will be with her throughout and I intend on keeping that promise, as hard as it may be for me. It’s going to be 100% worse for Sophie”

“Well as long as you are sure but if you change your mind, you only have to say ok”

“Thank you, both of you”

“Right said Kevin we best go in and see our baby girl”

They all walked back into the room and sat in quiet discussion for the next 30 mins before Sophie started waking up. As soon as Paula heard Sophie moving she went and joined her sitting on the bed.

“How you feeing sweetheart?”

“I don’t actually know”

“I’m sure it’s going to take some time getting your head around things but we are all here for you Sophie and we all love you very much”

“I love you too babe”

Sophie turned to her dad “who is looking after Jack?”

“Don’t worry Jack is fine, worried about his big sister and sends his love, he’s at Tyrone’s”

Sophie started crying and Paula pulled her into a hug “it’s ok let it all out sweetheart” Paula continues to hold Sophie and kept rubbing her hand up and down her back to soothe her.

“I am so confused wh..when I asked about Jack it’s because I was thinking about him being too young for Dad to be away all this time and what, he must be 8 now and I only remember him being 2!! Everything is just so fucked up”

Paula knew Sophie was beginning to get stressed as there was only ever 2 occasions that Sophie swore. One was when she is stressed and the other was when she was horny but Paula didn’t want to even let her mind go there.

Listen there is a bathroom in the hospital I have some smelliest that I got your mum to bring in. Why don’t I take you along, run you a nice hot bath and wash your hair for you?”

Baths always relaxed Sophie and she could certainly do with one right now. “You could do with one yourself?” 

“Hey cheeky! Actually you’re probably right I haven’t left the hospital since you’ve been in”

“Paula you should be looking after yourself now I insist bath, changed, eat, go home and sleep”

“I’m not leaving you here alone Sophie and besides your mum has been bringing stuff in for me”

“Well tonight you are sleeping in with me”

“We’ll see”

“No we’ll see about it, you are and that’s final”

“We you guys we are here you know” said Sally

Sophie chuckled and everyone was pleased to see her smile returns “Oops sorry Mum and Dad”

“That’s Ok you and Paula go get yourselves sorted, Your mum and I will go find a TV for this room”

“Thanks Dad and Mum”

Paula grabbed the bag of toiletries and towels. Thankful she asked Sally to pick her up some Egyptian Cotton towels, they’re so much softer than the hospital ones. Picked up clean PJs for the both of them and said “right you let’s go wash your cares away”

“If only” said Sophie taking Paula’s hand and following her lead.

Paula informed the nurses as they passed the desk that she was taking Sophie for a bath. When they entered the bathroom she told Sophie to take a seat whilst she ran the bath. She poured in the Jo Loves bath lotion and straight away the smell was divine.

“I’m sorry we can’t have candles”

“This is fine babe honest it smells lovely”

“Well it will feel much better when you are in it”

“Don’t you mean when we are both in it?” Sophie said as she walked over to Paula

“Erm well I was going to take that shower over there whilst you got a bath”

“Where’s the fun in that?” Sophie said as she wrapped her arms around Paula’s neck drawing her in for a kiss”

Paula couldn’t help but kiss Sophie back and it got very heated, very quickly. Sophie started to undress Paula when suddenly Paula came to her senses.

“Sweetheart we can’t”

“What...why can’t we?”

Paula remembering they still had to wait for the 2nd test and also the fact she felt she couldn’t do anything sexual until Sophie knew the truth, had to think fast. However it was bloody hard when her body was crying out for Sophie’s touch and Sophie was stood there letting her know she wanted her. “Because you are recovering and we need to wait until you get the all clear”

“Babe really this is the first time we have been alone for ages and I know you want it as much as I do”

“God you have no idea how much but please babe let me do this the right way for a change?”

“What do you mean for a change?”

Again Paula had to think fast as she had nearly slipped up. Let me do what I’m told and put your health above our sexual needs?” 

“Since when has Paula Martin said no to sex?”

This struck a core with Paula and a flashback came into mind but she quickly dismissed that and the feeling of being punched in the stomach that she had also felt.

Strangely enough Sophie had a feeling of dejavui too. “Why do I get the feeling that’s not the first time I’ve said that” giggled Sophie 

Except Paula didn’t find it as funny as Sophie was thinking of it in a whole different context to what Paula was. 

“Come in you get in that water before it goes cold”

“Will you at least get in the bath with me. I promise not to try anything on”

“Ok”

Paula stripped off and jumped in the bath, Sophie gotnin and sat in between her legs and with her back to her. “Mmmm this is nice”

“Mmm yes it is replied Paula

“I’ve missed this it feels like years since we have had a bath together”

Paula again felt guilty as it had been years since it last happened. “Pass me that sponge and I will wash your back”

“In a minute let’s just lie like this for a bit please?”

“Ok sweetheart”

Both women lay back luxuriating in the felling of the other and being able to spend this time together and lost in their own thoughts. 

After about ten minutes Paula said to Sophie “let me wash you hair sweetheart before this water gets too cold?”

“Hmm ok”

Paula put some shampoo on her hand and then started massaging it into Sophie’s head “ohhh that feels  
So good babe”

“Good, now do you feel relaxed?”

“Yes much”

“Well you’ll need to rinse it off under the shower in a min we will have to get back soon, your mum and dad haven’t seen you all day”

“Yeah I know but don’t you just wish sometimes you could freeze time and stay locked in that minute”

“Yeah I do”

“Well right now is one of those times”

Paula lent down and kissed Sophie on her shoulder.

“Babe let’s stop round so I can do your hair”

“Ok” so after some manoeuvring the women managed to swop places and Sophie was lathering Paula’s hair. “Feels nice doesn’t it?”

“Heavenly”

“Paula”

“Mmm”

“If this gets to hard I want you to promise you will be honest with me don’t feel like you have to stay out of pity”

This was starting to get to close for comfort for Paula. “Soph ple....”

“Just promise me?”

“Sophie I love you, always have and always will”

“I don’t doubt that but promise me if it gets too hard you will say. That’s all I am asking?”

“Sophie I promise you that during this journey I will be with you every step of the way and if it does start to get to hard then I will try my best to talk to you”

“Is that the best am going to get?”

“Right now yes because we don’t know what the future holds but just know I love you”

“And I You”

“Ok now can we please wash this shampoo off and get back to your mum and dad?”

Sophie laughed “if we must” 

Paula stepped out the bath first and held her hand out for Sophie to take helping her out. Both women went and washed the shampoo out of their hair. Sophie again initiates about of kissing which Paula would stop each time it got to heavy. 

“You’re no fun Martin”

“And you are so impatient Webster haven’t you heard the saying good things come to those who wait”

“I hope so” said Sophie cheekily

God this was harder than she thought it was going to be why did she have to suggest a bath. “Come on let’s get dressed”

“Ok spoil sport”

The remainder of the night was spent watching TV and making small talk. After their bath Paula and Sophie did not stay awake that long both exhausted after recent events Kevin and Sally turned off the TV and left them sleeping wrapped in each other’s arms. 

“Thank god Sophie has her own room which meant Paula was able to stay” said Sally

“Yeah especially because tomorrow is going to be worse than today”

“I hope we can get her through this” 

“I hope we can get them both through this as it sounds to me like neither of them have moved on very much since separating”

Kevin and Sally left the hospital both anxious about what tomorrow was going to bring.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *****Discussion of a sexual assault*****

It was the morning everybody had been dreading. Sophie was to be told about why she was in the hospital. Apart from the obvious Paula was just as apprehensive about today and the impact it was going to have on Sophie.

Paula woke to hear Sophie being sick in the toilet, she jumped up and went to check on her.

Sophie was hung over the toilet bowl being sick. Paula went and stood behind her, holding her hair back and rubbing her back. When Sophie had finished being sick, she went and washed her face. Paula fetched her a glass of water.

“Sophie sweetheart why didn’t you wake me and tell you wasn’t feeling well?” asked Paula as she gave Sophie the glass of water.

“I di....didn’t have chance sorry”

“It’s ok”

“I think all the stress yesterday is having its effect now” 

“I think your right come sit down. Paula was concerned if yesterday’s meeting had this impact god knows how Sophie was going to be after today’s session.

“Paula”

“Yes love?”

“I’m scared”

“Oh sweetheart I know it must be very frightening and no one can understand how you must be feeling but we are here for you Sophie, every step of the way”

“Part of me doesn’t want to know why I’m here As something tells me that whatever it is, must be pretty major for the need to have a psychologist involved but then the other part of me has to know. Does that make sense?”

“Totally”

“Paula I know Doctor Nicholson has told me I am not to ask but I need to know and you have to be the one to tell me and prepare me”

“Soph..”

“Please Paula there is one question running around my head and I don’t want the Doctor to be the one to tell me. Paula am I dying? If I am I can handle it just tell me please.”

“Sophie look at me” Sophie looked at Paula and holding her hands she says “I can honestly say no one has said to me you are dying! Where an earth has this come from?”

“Oh babe I don’t know, I’ve had all kinds of scenarios running through my head and I thought that you not wanting to get close, was because you were trying to distance yourself and protect your heart. Then I thought the memory loss could be down to something that was related to illness”

This is the last I am going to say on the matter Sophie and then you are going to lie down with me as you still have a few hours until your session. “No one has told me you are ill or dying ok”

“Ok” said Sophie shakily.

Paula felt Sophie needed further reassurance so she moved closer and kissed Sophie softly, conveying all she felt in that one kiss. Sophie relaxed and started kissing Paula back. After a couple of minutes Paula pulled back “is that better?”

“You know your kisses always make me feel better” 

“Good now bed young lady and that’s an order”

“Ok bossy”

Paula climbed up on the bed and pulled Sophie into her arms “Rest your head here love and try get some sleep, I am here with you”

“I love you Paula”

“I love you too Sweetheart”

Sophie must have been exhausted as she slept from when she lay next to Paula right up until she was called to go to Doctor Nicholson’s office.

“Babe you are coming with me yeah”

“Of course”

“Good because I don’t think I can do this on my own”

“Paula walked over took Sophie’s hand “you’re not on your own Sophie I’ve told you that you have your family and me to get you through this. Now come on we best get along”

Sophie took the same seat that she had taken when she was last in Dr Nicholson’s office.

“How are you feeling Sophie?”

“Sick, scared of what you may be about to come out with”

“She has been sick a couple of times since yesterday Dr”

“That’s a normal reaction to what you have been through Sophie so don’t be alarmed. How are you sleeping?”

“Fine I think”

“She is tossing and turning all night” replied Paula.

“Well for the next couple of days I am going to prescribe some sleeping tablets Sophie, now you don’t have to take them but I think tonight it may help ok?”

“Ok”

“Right before we get started based on reactions yesterday I have a bucket ready here so if you feel you are going to be sick it’s at the ready, as are paper towels. There is water there if needed and remember you can tell me to stop at anytime ok?”

Sophie nodded as she reached out and grabbed Paula’s hand squeezing it tightly.

“Right Sophie is there anything different you can remember since our meeting yesterday?”

“N.... no...nothing”

“Ok”

“Well Sophie the police received a call to say that a young woman had been found in Victoria Park assaulted. Does this bring any memories forward?”

“No, not at all. Was I the one who called the police?”

Paula held Sophie’s hand tightly.

“No Sophie, the woman who had been assaulted unfortunately was you”

“I don’t think so Doctor I would have remembered if someone had hit me”

“Sophie you were unconscious when the ambulance brought you in. At first we didn’t know who you was because whoever assaulted you took your bag and any ID you may have been carrying but Paula recognised you”

“Paula realised straight away that Sophie would be puzzled as to why Paula would be in the hospital in the first place and the Doctor has made a slip up here but she was hoping it was all going to be too much for Sophie that she wouldn’t pick up on that point” Paula glared at the Doctor.

The Doctor realising her mistake moved swiftly on.

“It was the assault and strike to the head that has caused the memory loss” Sophie

“How badly beaten was I”

“Quite you were unconscious for a number of days and critical for the first 48 hours”

“I don’t understand how I can not remember going through something like that”

“The mind works in mysterious ways Sophie”

“Maybe its a good thing that I can’t remember. Why would anyone want to hurt me that bad?”

“The police think it was a random attack. So maybe a little comfort can be taken from that fact it could have been anyone and you were not targeted specifically”

Sophie had the feeling the Doctor still hadn’t told her everything. “Did they catch the person who did this?”

“I’m afraid not and the Police are aware that you are not able to provide a statement at this point in time, due to the memory issues but they will keep all evidence on file. So if the person strikes again or your memory comes back then they can use that to prosecute”

“Evidence? What evidence?”

Paula started squirming at this point. She felt sick herself knowing what Sophie was about to be told.

“Sophie when you came in you showed signs of having been sexually assaulted”

Sophie just stared at the Doctor and then looked at Paula. She didn’t need it confirming as Paula’s look told her what she was hearing was true. That’s why Paula couldn’t bring herself to touch me thought Sophie she is disgusted and embarrassed by me!

“Was I...did he rape me?”

“Yes I’m so sorry Sophie”

That is all Sophie heard before passing out cold.

It had been 3 days since Sophie had been told about the sexual assault. After fainting in Dr Nicholson’s office the session was cancelled and Sophie was taken back to her room by a porter. Concern was growing for Sophie as she hadn’t spoke a single word since that day and shown no reaction to anything. Paula was at a loss as to what to do next.

“Any change today?”

“Oh Kevin I don’t know how much more of this I can take. I feel so helpless, what if she doesn’t come back to us?”

Kevin grabbed Paula by the shoulders “listen we have to not give up on her. She has had a massive shock to the system and we just have to be patient. You have been in this hospital since she was brought in Paula. Why don’t you go get some fresh air or go home and get some proper rest?”

“I’m not leaving her Kevin I vowed I wouldn’t unless Sophie tells me to go?”

“Paula you are nearly broken yourself and if that happens then what good are you to Sophie? Surely there are things you need to sort back home and at the house in Manchester?”

“My housekeeper has been keeping an eye on things at home and Charlie my best friend is sorting the house in Manchester. Luckily enough my tenants had just bought their own property, so they will be vacating mine this weekend”

“Well go grab some fresh air for ten minutes at least”

Paula looked across at Sophie who was curled up in her usual foetal position. “10 minutes Kevin” Paula walked over to Sophie and pushed her fringe back. “Hey sweetheart I am just popping outside for some fresh air, I won’t be long I promise. I love you Sophie and miss you so much” she bent down and kissed her on the lips before leaving the room.

Paula went and sat on a bench in the grounds of the hospital. For once it was a beautiful spring day in London. Looking around at all the people coming and going what was their purpose for being at the hospital today? What lives did they lead? What troubles were they masking from others? What secrets did they hold dear? These questions Paula always found running through her head when people watching. Sometimes when her and Sophie would be out having a meal, it would be one of their favourite things to do, people watch and then come up with a biography for that person. Paula wasn’t even aware that as she sat there the tears were streaming down her face.

Dr Nicholson happened to be passing by when she spotted Paula sat on the bench.

“Paula are you Ok?”

“Oh hi Dr”

“Here take this” Dr Nicholson said producing a tissue.

“What for?”

“To wipe your tears”

“Sorry I didn’t even realise. I don’t know how much more I can take Dr. It would be easier if Sophie was screaming at us, crying or anything but silence and no reaction.....what are we supposed to do to help?”

“Paula I’ve told you before the human mind is such a mystery that even now, despite advances in medicine and technology, things happen that baffle even the smartest and most experienced professionals. What they do say is that when this happens, it’s the mind taking over the person protecting them while they heal. Think of it like a conscious coma”

“What if she never pulls through it?”

“We just have to take each day as it comes. In fact I was going to call Sophie up for a session today....”

“I don’t know what good that will do as we are still no further forward”

“Hmmm but I spoke with a colleague last night and he gave me a suggestion...”

“Really?” Said Paula with hope in her voice

“Now don’t get your hopes up to much Paula as it may not work. It is also very risky and I am not entirely sure about it but there have been times this approach has worked and got a reaction. As we have no other suggestions, then it may be worth a shot”

“Yes anything Dr”

“Ok well I will have you both brought to my office at 3pm but Paula I must warn you this type of therapy is hard to watch but you must sit back and not interfere no matter how hard it is. You don’t say anything or do anything unless I tell you ok?”

“Sure Dr, anything is worth a try”


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ***Again discussion around sexual assault / rape and confrontation.

Sophie and Paula arrived at Doctor Nicholson’s office. A porter had taken Sophie to the room and Doctor Nicholson asked the porter to leave the chair with her because she was sure Sophie wouldn’t have followed her request, to take a seat.

“Right, afternoon Sophie how are you today?”

No response

“I see, so no change then” 

Paula looked at Doctor Nicholson and the Doctor just nodded as if to let her know she was about to start the therapy she had been talking of.

“So still playing the victim looking for attention then are we”?

The Doctor looked at Sophie for any sort of reaction, Paula was frowning.

“Maybe you wanted it to happen Sophie?”

The Doctor spotted a slight movement in the fingers gripping the chair. Paula wasn’t happy but had to keep repeating the words the Doctor had told her about this type of therapy being difficult to watch.

“After all, nobody is really fully lesbian. Doesn’t every girl want to sleep with a man at some point in their life? Because let’s face it a woman can’t give another woman what they really want can they”?

Yes there it was again, Sophie’s fingers started gripping the chair.

“I mean I bet you encouraged him didn’t you? Did you know him? Lead him on, I bet you changed your mind, scared about telling your girlfriend that you didn’t really want a woman, it’s a man you want and that’s why he hit you?”

Sophie’s hands where now gripping the chair really hard now. The Doctor noticed and thought maybe another 1/2 more questions and there will be some sort of response.

You just want everybody’s attention don’t you, does it feel good that for once you are the focus of everybody’s attention? “Poor Sophie” laughed the Doctor. The Doctor then walked over to Paula and sat down next to her, Paula looked furious. She was so angry that she hadn’t noticed Sophie’s eyes had followed the Doctor across the room or the way she gripped the seat but Dr Nicholson had.

“You know Paula you don’t really have to waste your time on someone who clearly doesn’t love you, not when there are real women out there, who would jump at the chance to get youuuu into bed. What do you want with a young girl? When an older woman can show you a good time” she finished off by making out that she was about to kiss Paula.

That was it Sophie screamed.

Paula had never heard such an animalistic scream come from a human before it was quite alarming.

“You have no fucking right just like he had no right to take what wasn’t his” Sophie had fallen from the chair onto her knees on the floor, rocking with her arms around herself, just repeating “he had no right, he had no fucking right”. Over and over again. 

The Doctor stood up and walked over to her desk, signalling with her eyes for Paula to remain seated.

“Why did he have no right Sophie? ”she asked in a calm assertive voice.

“I didn’t want him to, I wouldn’t have wanted him to. I’ve never wanted any man to touch me”

“And how does that make you feel?”

“How do you think?”

“I don’t know you tell me?”

“Violated, Disgusted, Dirty, Ashamed”

“Ashamed...why?”

Sophie’s rocking had started to slow down and she was just sobbing now, finding it difficult to speak and punching her fist on the floor

“I can see it in Pau...Paula’s eyes she can’t bri...bring...herself to touch....m...me....anymore?”

“Who is to blame for it happening Sophie?” 

“I am, baby I am so Sorry, baby I’m sorry, please forgive me”

The Doctor signalled for Paula to console Sophie.

Paula leapt across and gathered Sophie in her arms kissing her face saying she had nothing to be sorry about and that she loved her.

After a quarter of an hour things had become a lot more composed. Paula had managed to get Sophie to sit on the sofa next to her and was sat with her arm around her waist and holding her hand, rubbing her thumb over the top.

“Sophie” the Doctor said a lot more friendlier and softer than she had spoken to her earlier. “I’m sorry I had to resort to speaking like that earlier and I can promise that what I was saying I meant none of it. We needed an approach that was going to get some sort of reaction from you and bring you out of the place, your mind had taken you. Do you understand Sophie?”

“I...I think so?”

“I am intrigued to find out why you think it was your fault?”

Sophie looked at Paula and then Doctor Nicholson “I should have been strong enough to stop him, push him off me”

“Sophie the bruising indicates ayou were pulled from behind, you had no idea what was going to happen and I think we can safety say that the moment the attack happened you were already unconscious. So even if you wanted to push him off you simply couldn’t” 

“But I can’t even help get him caught as I don’t know anything”

“Again not your fault Sophie”

“Did you know it was going to happen?”

“No”

“Where you responsible for being unconscious?”

“No”

“Did you give him permission to rape you”?

“NO”

“So how can any of what happened be your fault? So I will ask you again Sophie, Who is responsible for what happened?”

“H.....HE IS”

“But saying it and believing it is another thing all together isn’t it?”

“Yes it is Sophie, but that is all part of the healing process and after counselling you will begin to come to terms with what’s happened. I also have every belief in the support you have around you that they won’t let you blame yourself either”

“You have a formidable woman as your partner Sophie, people go through a lifetime without that love”

“I know”

“Well if you know, why do you think that she no longer wants to touch you anymore?”

“When I’ve tried she pulls away” turning to face Paula “You pull away babe I can see it in your eyes”

Paula looked at the Doctor and Doctor Nicholson knew what Paula was asking permission for, so she just nodded in agreement. “Sweetheart there is nothing I would love more bu...but you’re right, there are a number of reasons I haven’t been able to go there yet” Paula coughed nervously and feeling a little embarrassed over having this conversation in front of someone.

“Which are?” Sophie asked

“I didn’t know if by touching you it was going to make you uncomfortable or bring back memories of the assault. Also babe we are still, well we are still not sure if any STI’s have been passed so we.....

“Whattttt? please no, I can’t take much more of what that bastard has done to me. If he”

“Sweetheart you have had one blood test and that came back clear you will have another one in just over a week and a bit now and then hopefully that will come back clear. So you see why we need to be careful”.

“Paula if he has, I know I just couldn’t cope with that”

“I know but let’s cross that bridge when we come to it. We need to take each day at a time”

“I love you Paula”

“I love you too Soph”

Sophie leaned forward to kiss Paula and Paula returned the kiss both forgetting the Doctor was in the room with them.

Cough, cough

“Ooh sorry” both women said looking suitably embarrassed. 

“Right well now we have come this far, we need to talk about what happens next. Sophie you still have a long road of recovery ahead of you and will still need counselling to talk through your feelings and to get you through this. Ordinarily I would have set up some outpatients appointments for you but as you are moving back to Manchester”

“We are?” Sophie said looking at Paula

“Yes sweetheart you need your family around you too and familiarity at this time”

“But what about our jobs, you said we have jobs here, we must have a home too?” Paula got a little uncomfortable talking about their London homes knowing they had been in separate abodes and had separate lives.

“It’s all been taken care of and when you have come through this, if you want, we can always move back”

“Are you sure?”

“Im positive”

“Ok I trust you, so will do what you think is best babe”

Paula felt sick at a Sophie saying she trust her, when there was still one vital piece of information they were keeping from her.

So I have made a referral to a very good Psychologist called Dr Smith at Spire hospital Manchester, Paula wants you to be seen privately and has arranged the finances for that. All her details will be in your discharge pack.

“What you mean I can go home?”

“Well not immediately but I see no reason you can’t be discharged in the next 72 hours. I just need to keep a check on how you are over the next couple of days,given what you have gone through in today’s session”

“That’s good news isn’t it babe?”

“It sure is”

“Right so you can go back to your room now Sophie I’m sure your parents will be pleased to see you back with us. Paula I will need to see yourself along with Kevin and Sally before discharge ok, but you will be informed when that will be, by lunchtime tomorrow”

“Thank you Doctor”

I will be checking on you over the next few days Sophie, take care. Sophie and Paula walked slowly back to Sophie’s room.


	14. Chapter 14

Sophie arrived back to her room and Kevin and Sally were pleased to see she had broken out of herself but also worried at how exhausted she appeared.

“Hey love how are you doing?”

“I’m ok Dad sorry I’ve had you all worried.

“Now listen I don’t want you apologising it’s our job Sophie, as your parents”

“Thanks Mum”

“The Doctor thinks she may be able to be discharged within the next 72 hours” 

“That’s great news isn’t it Sal?”

Sally looked across at Sophie who was now lying on the bed with her eyes shut. “I don’t know, of course I want her back home but are they sure she is up to it yet? I mean what about the counselling?”

“Mum Paula has sorted a private psychologist who will do that and to be honest I’ve had enough of this hospital. I just want to go back to our home, with my girlfriend, to our bed and try to get through this one day at a time”

Paula smiled to herself pleased that Sophie had listened to what she had said but also that pang of guilt hit her in the stomach again, hearing Sophie call it home and knowing it hadn’t been for so many years.

“Dr Nicholson wants to see us at some point tomorrow, she will let us know by lunchtime, what time the meeting will be” said Paula

“Good” Sally replied

“So Sal write up any questions you may want to ask and wait til then yeah?”

“Kevin that’s a good idea”

“So how was today’s session?”

“Mummmm I’m really tired and I don’t feel very well, do you mind if we talk about this later?”

“Whatever you want Soph but just know we love you and want to help support you, as much as we possibly can”

“I know mum”

“Come on Sal let’s go for a coffee and let Soph and Paula get some rest, we can come back later”

Paula resumed her normal  
position next to Sophie on the bed. Sophie immediately turned into her wrapped her arms around her waist and cried her heart out. Paula rubbed her back encouraging her to let it all out.

Paula wasn’t sure how long they stayed like that but she was surprised when Sophie spoke as she thought she had drifted off to sleep

“Paula”

Paula knew whatever Sophie was about to say was going to be serious, as she only ever called her by her name when it was serious, usually she addressed her as babe

“Yes sweetheart?”

“I want you to promise that if that 2nd test comes back positive, that yo...you will let me go”

Paula sat bolt upright lifting Sophie’s head so she was looking at her “Never...Sophie don’t even think like that”

“I’m being serious Paula”

“I know you are Sophie, but I’m being bloody serious too”

“Even if it’s what I want?”

“But it’s not deep down, Sophie it’s just the fear in you talking”

“No it really isn’t. I couldn’t live with myself being with you but not being able to touch you”

“Soph if and it’s a big bloody ‘if’ the second test comes back as positive, then we will deal with it. People with HIV live much longer and ‘normal’ lives these days and they are still allowed to have sex, they just have to be careful”

“That’s just it though how many times have we been in full control of our emotions and our actions? I couldn’t live with myself if a moment of stupidity meant I handed you a life sentence”

“And what you don’t think pulling your love away and me letting you go won’t be a life sentence for me...for you?”

“Pau”

“No this conversation is over Sophie it’s not going to happen do you hear me? I love you too much to let you go Sophie, not again”

“What do you mean not again?”Sophie looked at Paula puzzled.

Paula had slipped up but being a damn good solicitor she was always able to recover very quickly. “These last few days I had lost you Sophie”

“Oh right”

Let’s just put the test to the back of your mind for now. I know it’s hard but how about we put some tv on and just lie here with each other?”

“Ok but we will talk about this again Paula”

“Only if we have to Sophie, only if we have to”

Both women drifted off to sleep each lost in their own worries and thoughts. It was a couple of hours later when Paula was gently woken by Sally to inform her Dr Nicholson was ready to see them.

Paula slowly pulled her arm out from under Sophie’s shoulder and managed to get off the bed without disturbing Sophie from her sleep. She placed a kiss on Sophie’s head before straightening herself up and leaving the room.

Dr Nicholson started the meeting off asking everyone how they are doing and checking how Paula was since the session?

“I’m just glad we managed to speak and you had told me beforehand how tough it was going to be because of you hadn’t I couldn’t have sat there and let Sophie go through that”

“Yes it is difficult watching loved ones going through such stress but it was definitely needed in Sophie’s case”

“Yes I have to agree and thank god it worked”

“Ok Sally, Kevin do you have any questions?”

“Yes Dr will Sophie get her memory back?”

“I can’t answer that Sally am afraid we will just have to wait and see”

“Will she go back to how she was before the previous session?” 

“We can never say never Kevin, as we don’t know what the future may hold but I feel confident about where Sophie is at in her journey now, to discharge her into the care of Doctor Jones at Spire”

“I am really struggling about Sophie not being aware that we have been separated for the last 5 years. I feel like I am betraying her all the time. When should I tell her about the fact we had split up?”

“Paula I can’t tell you what to do in that respect. What I will say is that Sophie has gone through several traumatic episodes, with an intense impact on her health and emotional well being. The one thing she has found a source of comfort in are the feelings she has for you, the love you both share and radiates from you both whenever you’re together. She has an enormous deal of trust in you and leans on you for support and draws strength from that. I cannot say what the impact at this stage would be on Sophie, should she feel that your relationship and love can all be questionable.

“So I’m best not saying anything?”

“For now maybe, at least until Sophie is stronger but it’s also about you managing your guilt and the feelings that guilt is bringing out in you. Maybe look into some sort of counselling yourself, to come to terms with the past and your future. However I will say this, you need to be absolutely sure you are with Sophie for the right reasons and not through guilt or pity as anything different and Sophie will be aware of it”

“I love Sophie and I’m here because I want to be, out of love, nothing more and nothing less”

“Good. Well the discharge papers all being well will be signed in 72 hours and medication will be prescribed. I am suggesting sleeping pills, just to help if she is having a bad night and she is having sickness due to PTSD so I have prescribed some anti-sickness tablets that should help prevent nausea and vomiting. I think her first appointment with Dr Smith is scheduled for 2 weeks from today with a certain degree of flexibility should we need to change that but I can’t see it necessary, unless we hit a bump in the road with Sophie. I will be doing indirect checks on Sophie via asking the nurses how she is doing and the day before she leaves I will pop down and say my goodbyes. “Anything else you would like to ask?”

All three looked at each other shaking their heads.

“No...Good, Good well....good luck and remember Sophie has a long road of recovery ahead of her. There will be some ups and downs but use the numbers I will provide to you in the discharge pack, to talk to someone.

Thank you for all your help Doctor, Kevin stood up shook the Doctors hand as did Paula and Sally and then they left the office hopefully for the last time.

The 3 went to check on Sophie who was still sound asleep, Kevin suggested they go grab a coffee so they could talk about managing the discharge.

After grabbing a coffee and taking their seat Kevin started the discussion. “Right well we need to think about gathering Sophie’s stuff to take back home. Her flat mates have packed it up for us, so it just means I have to go and hire a van to put it all in. Then do I take it to your house Paula or do I take it back to mine”?

“Best take it back to mine but if someone could unpack it so that her clothes are hanging up. Sophie would have the left wardrobes in the bedroom and on the left bedside table she always has her bible and diary....shit?”

“What is it Paula?” Sally asked

“Sophie always writes in her diary, so she will obviously have written about the separation and when she reads them...”

“We will have to keep them out of sight until she knows the separation happened, then she can have them returned. We can say they didn’t get sent up with her stuff”

“Another lie”

“We do what we have to Paula, remember it’s all in her best interests”

“Well let’s hope she see’s it like that”

“What about your stuff Paula?”

“It’s ok that’s all sorted. Luckily enough it’s only a few personal possessions and some clothes that need to be sent on. I can come back anytime if I have forgotten something. I own the place so I figured best keep it vacant for the time being and see how things work out. My housekeeper is going to keep a check on things. Luckily I rented the Manchester house fully furnished so things are much the same as how I left it. Charlie is going to put some of the pics I had stored away up around the house, the ones of Sophie and I on”

“Good idea as Sophie would be wondering why there are no pics. You know what she is like ‘selfie queen’ is our Soph” laughed Sally

“I’ve just thought of another issue” said Paula

“What?” asked Kevin

“What about Social Media? Sophie will want to go on her Facebook, Twitter and Instagram etc”

“Shit you’re right” Sally said

“Well we will just have to tell her to wait for a while, until her first counselling session and then maybe talk to the Counsellor about telling Sophie about the split then?”

“I’m beginning to feel this secret has caused more troubles and problems then.... “

“Paula we have acted on the advice of the Doctors, so let’s forget that for now ok”

“Ok”

“How are you getting back to Manchester?” Kevin asked.

“I was thinking about that and thought best we get the train as my car is lease hire . That way I can give my full attention to Sophie”

“Ok well tomorrow Sally and I will head to Sophie’s, collect her stuff, come back here, see Sophie and then we best get back to Manchester and can take Sophie’s stuff to yours, if the house is vacant?”

“I will let you know later after I’ve spoken to Charlie if that’s ok?”

“Sure, now I think we best head back and see if Sophie is awake yet?”

Just as they all arrived Sophie was starting to wake up. Paula walked over to her and gave her a soft kiss on the lips.

“Mmmm that was nice” Sophie said as she stretched.

“How are you feeling sweetheart?”

“I’m not sure really but I think I need to have a shower”

Kevin walked over and kissed Sophie on the top of the head “Yes you do...you stink”

“Thanks Dad pfft”

“I’m joking but it will freshen you up”

“Do you mind? as I haven’t spent much time with you today and probably haven’t been much company”

“Soph it’s fine” said Sally

“Anyway who told you that you are much company anyway?” 

“Jeez thanks Dad”

“Come on you I will give you to the shower” Paula grabbed Sophie’s toiletries bag, towels and clean clothes, then took hold of her hand and walked with her to the shower.

She placed the bag and towels on a chair the other side of the shower room. 

“Right will you be ok on your own?”

“What you’re leaving me?” said Sophie as she took her pyjama top off and stood their naked from the waist up.

Paula couldn’t take her eyes away from Sophie’s chest. The temperature had suddenly rose and pains shooting down to her groin.  
“Erm....well...er...I haven’t brought enough towels of my erm....clean...”

Before she had chance to finish her sentence Sophie had closed the gap and was kissing Paula. The kiss was getting quite heated and very intense rather quickly. Paula’s hand automatically reaching for Sophie’s breast squeezing and tweaking the nipple which was rock hard and then moving her mouth down to take it into her mouth, biting and sucking on it. Sophie pulled Paula back up to her, she needed to feel her kisses, her tongue.

All of a sudden Paula became aware of what was happening and how risky this could get. Soph...(kiss) we..(kiss)...we...(kiss) have...to...(kiss) stop. She lifted her head up and placed her forehead against Sophie’s.

“Babe why did you stop?”

“You know why”

“I know babe but that doesn’t stop me doing anything to you”

“Oh Soph there is not a cat in hells chance I could go through that and not be able to touch you...make love to you and I really don’t want our first time in a while, to be in the hospital shower room. Anyway you are still recovering so let’s not rush things hey?”

“Grrrrr why do you always have to be right and the sensible one?”

“I’m not always the sensible one” Paula said with a hint of sadness in her voice. I best get back to the parents before I forget why I stopped you” laughed Paula

“If you must”

“I will see you in a bit, make sure to lock that door after I’ve left”

“I will”

“I love you Paula

“I love you too Sophie”

Paula left the shower room and headed back to Sophie’s room feeling very aroused and flushed.


	15. Chapter 15

The next 3 days passed without incident in fact discharge came at the right time Sophie was becoming increasingly frustrated and cabin fever had set in. Paula had managed to finally leave the hospital for one afternoon to get things sorted, grab some changes of clothes and personal items that she needed between them and getting back to Manchester. One item was of extreme importance.

It was their final morning at the hospital and Sophie had been sick again. When the Doctor came round to sort out the prescription, Paula asked for some stronger anti sickness drugs as the ones Sophie was on didn’t seem to be working. The Doctor prescribed another type and said that hopefully as Sophie goes through her counselling he PTSD sickness will lessen.

All they had to do now was wait for the medication to come up from the Pharmacy and get the discharge pack that contained all the information needed to pass onto Spire and the GP surgery once Sophie was re-registered. 

An hour and a half later they were both on their way out of the hospital room for the final time. Just as Sophie grabbed her bag, she realised something.

“Babe”

“Yes love”

“Where’s my engagement ring, please don’t tell me that bastard took that too?”

“Paula reached into the side pocket of her bag and pulled the ring out”

“No sweetheart I have kept it safe for you all this time”

“Oh thank god for that.....Well”

“Well what?”

“What are you waiting for? Get over here and put it where it belongs”

Paula walked over to Sophie lifted her left hand and placed the ring on her finger. Sophie was smiling from ear to ear and Paula had tears falling from her eyes. 

“Oh babe come here” Sophie said as he pulled Paula into her and hugged her tight. 

“I love you so much Sophie I thought I had lost you forever”

“Hey now stop talking like that babe I’m going nowhere. I’m on the mend and I love you so much Paula I never want to be with anyone else ever. You’re my forever don’t you realise that”

This made Paula cry even harder as Sophie had said the exact same words when they got engaged and little did Sophie know but for the last five years Paula had not been her forever”

“Paula babe you’re worrying me now. Please calm down and Sophie started kissing Paula on her mouth, cheek, head all over her face really. Then she pulled back looked at Paula, wiped away her tears and said “we have a train to catch so we really do need to get going soon ok?”

Paula nodded, “just give me a minute to compose myself, I’m sorry for getting emotional. I just love you so much Sophie”

“I know you do. Now get into that bathroom and sort your beautiful face out and then we can get out of this bloody place”

Paula kissed Sophie softly on the lips before going and giving her face a swill.

When she returned both women grabbed their bags, again, and this time they did make it out of the door. As they stepped out of the hospital doors and into the lovely spring day Sophie lifted her face upwards towards the sky and took a deep breath in “God it feels good to be alive and to feel this fresh air”

“It certainly does” replied Paula also taking a deep breath in. Then grabbing Sophie’s hand and jumping in the first cab, gave the driver the train station as their destination.

“I can’t wait to get home”

“Me too Sophie”

“It feels like it’s been forever”

“Yeah it does” Paula said as the pang of guilt hit her stomach.

“I know you have told me that we have been living in London for a while now but our home in Manchester is the only one I can remember and tbh I can’t believe we left there Paula as I loved that house. Obviously we must have really had good reason to go but I am happy to be going back”

Paula was feeling really uncomfortable about the conversation and where it was heading so she diverted the conversation to prevent Sophie asking any further questions.

The van pulled up with 15 minutes to go before their train was due to leave. Paula paid the cab and then they both got out and Paula went to grab both the bags but all of a sudden Sophie put her hand out to stop her and grab Paula’s hand.

Paula looked up and Sophie looked frozen. “Sophie honey are you ok?” No response. “Sophie...Sweetheart talk to me”

“Wha....what if he is here Paula? I wouldn’t even know him but he will know me?”

Paula got a lump in her throat. “Sophie you have me here and I will not let anything happen do you hear me?”

Sophie never said anything. Paula walked so she was stood directly in front of Sophie looking straight at her. “Sweetheart the likelihood he is here is quite..”

“You don’t know that, none of us can know that because my fucked up memory” Sophie was starting to get very anxious now.

“Sophie you have to try hard to focus on me and what I am saying Soph. Look at me please?”

Sophie looked at Paula with tears in her eyes.

“That’s good sweetheart now we are going to get on that train and go to our home together. I am with you all the way, no one is going to hurt you ok?”

Sophie nodded

“Good...right...so if it helps just keep your head down, take deep breaths and link me and I will make sure you don’t bump into anything. It’s only a short walk to the platform and then we will be on the train heading out of this city”

Sophie did exactly what Paula told her too and soon they were both sat on the train, waiting for it to depart.

“I’m sorry Paula” 

“Sorry....What for?”

“For being an emotional wreck”

“Sophie you have nothing to be sorry for, you have been through a traumatic experience in fact I think you have handled the whole thing amazingly”

“You do?”

“Yes I do. You have shown such courage and strength. You are much stronger than me I would have fallen to pieces”

“No you wouldn’t have”

“I would”

“No you wouldn’t, because I get my strength from you being next to me babe and I know if the roles were reversed you would draw strength from me being by your side. I love you so much”

“I love you too Sophie” Paula leaned across and softly kissed Sophie making sure not to let it get to intense.

Sophie enjoying the kiss was strangely the first to pull away. “I can’t wait to be lying on our sofa tonight”

“Hmmm me too sweetheart. Now why don’t you put your head on my shoulder and rest, I bet you’re tired?”

“I am a little yes but...”

“No buts sweetheart I won’t fall asleep, I will stay right here keeping an eye on you and so you have nothing to worry about”

“Ok I’ll try thanks babe”

Sophie didn’t need to try hard as she was asleep within ten minutes and stayed like that for the majority of the journey. 10 minutes away from arriving at Manchester Piccadilly and Sophie woke up.

“Hey you does that feel better”

Sophie stretched her arms up “hmmmm much” how far are we?”

“Will we be arriving in ohhhhh about ten minutes” said Paula looking at her watch

“Seriously...I’ve been asleep the whole journey? Babe that’s hardly fair on you”

“You needed it Sophie and I was fine I had stuff to read and e-mails to send”

As the train pulled in Paula was pleased to see Sophie visibly more relaxed now they where away from London.

“It feels so good to be back already just like I’m home”

“That’s good sweetheart. Now your mum and dad said they will be waiting at the pick up and drop off point so best get ready”

“Are we going straight home?”

“Yes. Your mum did suggest  
Going for dinner but I thought you would prefer just to get home and we can have take away. But if...”

“I just want to go home with you and snuggle up. Take away sounds good to me. Do you think they will be annoyed if I ask them not to stay for long?”

“Sweetheart I’m sure they will understand but you have to remember they haven’t seen you for a few days and your Mum in particular will be worried about you and want to be there for you”

“It’s only been a few days and I bet they didn’t come visit us much in London did they?”

Paula hit by a pang of guilt again but tried her best to ignore it. “Things were different then Soph and remember you’re still their little girl. I would be exactly the same as Isla”

Little did both women know Kevin had already spoken with Sally about overdoing it with Sophie on her first night back. They had agreed to stay for a brew, make sure she was settled and then leave them for a few days to get reacquainted with each other (unless Paula needed them to be around). Sally was going to ask them over for Sunday dinner in a few days.

“Hi Mum, Hi Dad”

“Sophie” Sally cried as she enveloped her in a big bear hug.

“Ok Mum can I breathe now please”

“Oh sorry Sophie I’m just pleased you’re back”

“Welcome home Sophie love” Kevin said giving her a softer hug.

“Right shall we get in then?” Paula asked

“Your carriage awaits Ma Ladies”

All 3 women climbed in the car. Sally got in the front and Paula in the back with Sophie linking their fingers together for the whole of the short journey to Paula’s house. 

The closer they got to Paula’s and the more Paula started to panic. What if Sophie has flashbacks to that final night at the house?

“Babe are you ok?”

“Yes why?”

“Oh I thought I just felt you tense up”

“Probably a twitch or something”

As they pulling into the drive Paula told Kevin the gates should be open as Charlie said she would leave them open for her because the button for remote opening was in the house. 

Kevin drove into Paula’s drive and parked up. “Well ladies home sweet home”

Paula climbed out and waited for Sophie to get out after her. 

“You guys go on in, I will grab your bags”

“Thanks Kevin”

“Yeah thanks dad”

Paula led the way and collected the key from out of the key code box she had placed there before going away in case of emergencies. She opened the door and walked through. Paula was filled with mixed emotions as soon as she entered. One part of her was glad to be returning with Sophie the other part of her remembered the sadness that filled her in those last few months with Sophie no longer with her or living there.

“Babe I just need the loo”

“Ok can you remember where it is?”

“Sophie looked at Paula with a confused look of course I do it’s only going to London that I don’t remember and our time there”

“Ok....would you like a drink?”

“Ohhh yes please tea would be fab”

Paula walked into the kitchen and Sally followed, just as Kevin entered the hallway with the bags.

“Are you ok Paula?”

“Oh Sal it feels so strange I’ve so many mixed emotions. Sophie is associating this place with happy memories and all I can remember is the despair I went through before leaving here. Do your know she asked me for her engagement ring, it’s a good job I kept it. How am I going to keep up this facade Sally? I feel like I’m crumbling at the first hurdle”

“Paula you are doing remarkably well and give it another couple of weeks and hopefully when she starts seeing the counsellor you can tell her together?”

“I don’t know but we have to tell her soon, otherwise I will crack up. Plus we cannot come over your way in case someone slips up”

“Well we have told most people about the memory loss and not to say anything, hopefully it will be ok”

“I am scared I’m going to lose her once she finds out Sally and I don’t think I could cope with that again”

“You won’t”

“We don’t know that, you don’t know that”

“Don’t know what?” said Sophie as she walked into the kitchen

“Oh just how and if your memories will return” replies Sally

“Hmmm I thought you were making tea?”

“Yes I was..er am...sorry”

Sophie walked over and put her arms around Paula’s waist. “Are you sure you’re ok?”

“Yes sweetheart now go sit with your mum and I will bring your drinks over” she said tapping her hand on Sophie’s for Sophie to release her.

Sophie did as Paula asked and went over to Sally “so mum what’s your plans for this evening?”

“Well we thought you guys would want to settle in...so we are going to have this brew then be on our way” 

“Yeah we do thanks dad”

“But on the condition you both come for Sunday lunch but if you don’t fancy heading over our way I will cook it here for you. Just let me know what you decide Ok”

“Thanks mum”

“Over the next half hour small talk was made then Kevin and Sally made their move to leave. Right love we’ll be off now but if you need us for anything call us”

We will and thank you so much for the lift” said Paula

“It’s the least we can do” said Kevin as he hugged both women goodbye.

“Look after our baby” Sally said as she hugged Paula bye.

“Don’t overdo it and listen to Paula” Sally said to Sophie as she hugged her bye too.

As they shut the door Sophie gave Paula an almighty hug.

“What’s that for?”

“Can’t a girl hug her fiancée if she feels like it”

“Yesssss anytime said Paula leaning in for a kiss”

The two stood kissing each other softly making sure not to get heated but keeping it in hand.

“Mmmm that was nice” 

“It most certainly was Sweetheart”

“Right Ms Martin how about I go run you a bath, then I call for take away whilst you take your bath and then we slouch in front of the TV?”

“That sounds marvellous but aren’t you forgetting something?”

“What?”

You’re the one who is meant to be taking it easy and I’m meant to be looking after you”

“Babe have you or have you not spent every minute in the hospital with me?”

“Yes I have but.......”

“Who has been there during every session with me?”

“I have but.......”

“When did you last have a bath or relax?”

“Well... I.......”

“No babe we are looking after each other. I am more than capable of running a bath for my fiancée and picking up the phone and making a call to our usual Chinese”

“Soph we don’t even know if it still operates”

“Well if it doesn’t I will grab one of the menus from the drawer or can look online. That reminds me I need to sort a phone so if I need to look online I will have to borrow your phone”

“Paula hoped to god that the previous tenants had kept the menus in the drawer”

“Why don’t I locate a menu, you run the bath and then I will follow you up with the bags?”

“Ok but I will carry a bag up with me”

“Okkkkkkk”

Sophie gave Paula a cheeky little kiss on the lips, grabbed a bag and headed up the stairs to run Paula her bath.

When Sophie had disappeared up the stairs, Paula headed to the hall table to check the drawer for menus and yes thank god there they where. She could hear Sophie pottering about upstairs so she quickly lifted the handset and dialled their usual Chinese takeaway number. The phone was answered and yes it was still their Chinese another relief. Paula replaced the handset , grabbed her bag and followed Sophie upstairs.

“Right babe you’re bubble bath is ready and waiting, so get yourself in there and I will be right back” Sophie disappeared from sight.

Paula got herself undressed and made her way to the bathroom. When she entered Sophie had lit candles, the bath smelt amazing and looked very inviting. Paula climbed in and submerged herself under the water up to her shoulders and rested her head back, with her eyes closed.

Sophie went downstairs, opened up the drawer and put the Chinese menu on the table. She walked over to the fridge opened it up, the fridge was fully stocked and just as she thought there were a couple of bottles of white wine and champagne. ‘Wow Charlie really did sort the shopping, at least we won’t have to pop out tomorrow’ thought Sophie. She grabbed a glass and poured Paula a drink, then headed back upstairs to give Paula her drink.

“Is that nice babe”

“Oh god Sophie it’s orgasmic”

“Good, here”

“Champagne?” said Paula raising her eyebrow

“Yes, Charlie has done a great job stocking up, so we won’t have to go grocery shopping tomorrow and the champagne is to celebrate our first night back home”

“Thank you sweetheart and thank you for all of this”

“No Paula thank you for looking after me being by my side all this time and never giving up on me....on us....I don’t deserve you...especially now, well you know after he.....well just thank you and I love you forever Paula Martin”

“Sophie you have nothing to thank me for believe me so please don’t feel like you constantly have to say it”

“Well we will have to agree to disagree and on that note I am going to go down and order our food, but first” Sophie leaned over and gave Paula a very steamy kiss.

“Wow”

“Yes Wow, now relax and I will see you in a bit”

After Sophie left the bathroom Paula just burst into tears, she couldn’t help it but for some reason deep down in her gut, she had this dreaded feeling that soon, all this would come crashing down and she would lose Sophie again for good. Especially when she had to tell her what they had been keeping from her. That left Paula feeling very scared for their future if indeed they had a future.


	16. Chapter 16

This past week and 2 days had flew by. Paula and Sophie had settled back home as if they hadn’t left, Sophie whilst still having the odd bout of sickness at the beginning had finally stopped being sick now the new tablets had started taking effect. They had been to Sally’s for dinner and tonight Sally was staying over as Sophie was having her 2nd HIV test tomorrow and she wanted to be there with them both for the results.

Paula was in the kitchen checking on dinner when Sally walked into the kitchen.

“This really is a lovely house Paula, I would kill for a kitchen like this..well not literally kill but..”

“It’s ok Sally I get what you mean. Vegetable Lasagne, Saad and Garlic Bread for dinner is that ok with you?”

“Sounds lovely” Sally could see Paula was nervous. “Are you worried about tomorrow?”

“Yes but not for the reasons you are thinking. Where is Sophie anyway?”

“Oh she said she would grab a quick shower before dinner. It is ok me staying here.. I mean..”

“Sally relax I’m absolutely fine it’s not like we don’t have the room now is it?”

“Look I am worried about something but the thing is... well the thing is...it’s not really something I should be discussing with my fiancées mum really”

“Paula look if I can tell something is on your mind, Sophie will tell straight away when she comes down and you know what she is like, she will not stop until you give in and tell...”

“No Sophie can’t know yet”

“So talk Paula and see if we can sort out what it is that’s bothering you about tomorrow?”

“Well the thing is, well it’s, I can’t actually believe I am discussing this with you”

“If it helps you haven’t actually discussed anything yet” Sally said laughing and taking a sip of her wine that Paula had poured earlier.

“Well it’s just that...well since Sophie was....well you know... erm attacked....well we haven’t you know, especially with the risk of HIV and not having had the second test yet and...erm well tomorrow she gets the erm.... results and if it’s clear then she....”

“Oh well erm I think... I think I erm know... what you are well..er.. trying to say...but I don’t think (cough) you will have anything to worry about.. I mean I’m sure the test will be clear”

Paula couldn’t believe they where having this discussion. Sophie is Sally’s daughter for god sake and if circumstances were different, then she definitely would not be talking like this but she had to confide in someone.

“I’m not worried about the test results Sally”

“Oh well now I am confused”

“I’m worried because I know what Sophie will expect tomorrow night but...well...I don’t think we should until she knows about what we haven’t told her. I would feel like I was taking advantage of her”

“Paula she has been doing so well and if you tell her then it may set her back again. Have you tried speaking to the counsellor?”

“Yes she cant fit me in until the day after tomorrow. I’m going to ask her advice on how best to tell Sophie. Sophie met her the other day so she know her background and got the notes from Dr Nicholson” 

“Well there you go”

“ I don’t want to lose her Sally”

“And you won’t”

“What are you two talking about then” Sophie asked as she entered the kitchen”

“Nothing much, just checking if it’s ok me staying here tonight”

“Mummmmm we’ve been through this and.....”

“I know, Ok I won’t mention it again I promise”

“Good. Now babe what can I help with?”

“Well I am just about to get dinner out, table is already set but if you could get the bread holder for the garlic bread please sweetheart”

“No problem”

Dinner was quite enjoyable and relaxed considering the circumstances all three were in the same house for the night. After dinner they retired to the informal lounge and had a couple of drinks, watched some tv, before all heading to bed feeling apprehensive about tomorrow.

Once in bed Paula pulled Sophie into her “how are you feeling?”

“Actually quite calm...considering”

“You’re not just saying that so I don’t worry?”

“Does me saying that stop you worrying?”

“Well no but...”

“So there would be no point in me pretending then, would there as you are only going to worry anyway”?

“You know me to well Miss Webster”

“Yes I do.....Paula”

Oh god here we go something serious is about to come up thought Paula. “Yesssss”

“Remember in hospital when I said about the tes.....”

“Sophie....don’t”

“Pau...”

“Sophie Don’t please I beg you” Paula started to cry

“Babe please don’t cry but it’s important I have this conversation with you”

“I’m not losing you Sophie, no way am I letting you go”

“Paula”

“NO Sophie we are engaged to be married and when that happens it’s a promise to be with each other through sickness and in health. Sophie please, please don’t leave me I couldn’t live without you” by now Paula was distraught. 

Sophie couldn’t bare to see her this upset. “Babe I’m sorry I promise I won’t leave you, I promise okay?”

“Re.....Really”

“Really as long as you promise if it is positive we sit and have a frank discussion about it”

“I pro....promise”

“Now come here babe calm down. I love you Paula”

“I love you too Sophie I don’t think you realise how much”

“Oh I do but right now we both need to get some sleep, we have a big day ahead of us tomorrow”

“Yes we do”

Both women had a kiss goodnight then they fell asleep wrapped in each other’s arms, both hoping and preying tomorrow all will be fine.

The next morning all three women where sat in the Drs surgery waiting for the second test to be conducted.

“Right Sophie So I understand this is your second test and that you have already consented for your partner and mum to be here whilst you have it done”

“Yes Doctor”

“Ok well I will take the test and then we will call you later with the results”

“What time later?” Sally asked

“Well roughly between 4-5pm is usually when we are able to give them out”

“Do you have any questions”

“No can we please just get it over and done with Thank Doctor”

Paula squeezed Sophie’s hand as she had just shown that she was extremely anxious.

“Sorry” said Sophie

“No need to apologise” said the doctor.

Ten minutes later all 3 women where sat in Paula’s car.

“Well at least that is over with” said Paula

“Yeah strange isn’t it” 

“What do you mean Sophie” Sally asked

“Well right now I feel ok but in a few hours I could be called to be told I have a terminal illness and could be dying”

“Sophie”

“What....it’s true babe”

“Well I would rather we wait before you get the results before you start organising a funeral Sophie” Sally said crossly

Sophie just shrugged her shoulders, Paula glanced at Sally before starting the car and driving away heading for home.

Once they arrived home Sophie said she was going for a lie down. Paula felt it best to give Sophie some breathing space. “She didn’t mean all that talk Sal, it’s the first one I’ve seen her crack as she has kept a lid on her feelings about the test, so it was bound to boil over at some point”

“I know but I just wished she would talk to us”

“She will when she has had the results, you know what she is like”

“Yeah her father”

Both women chuckled at that comment. “Let’s have a brew Paula said leading the way into the kitchen.

Sophie stayed in the room for about an hour before heading downstairs and finding both women in the kitchen. “Mum I’m sorry about before, I’m just scared if this comes back as positive then I really have been robbed of everything” Sophie then burst into tears.

Sally was quickly over to her daughter and gave her a hug “Oh Sophie no he hasn’t as you have so many people around you who love you”

“Yes you do” said Paula joining both women and wrapping her arms around them.

So come on babe dry your eyes and we will go put a movie on and not watch it but it will be some background noise and hopefully they will call soon.

At 4:15 the phone rang. “Well this is it” Sophie said walking over to the phone. Paula walked over with her holding her hand and Sally followed on behind.

“He....hello”

“Ye (cough) sorry yes speaking”

“Ar.....are you absolutely certain you have the right person?”

Paula looked worriedly across at Sally

“Ok well....er....well thanks for letting me know.

“Yes bye”

Sophie put the phone onto its docking station.

“Well sweetheart what did they say?”

Sophie took one look at Paula, burst into tears and slid down the wall to the floor.


	17. Chapter 17

Paula knelt down and hugged Sophie to her “sweetheart it’s ok I’m here for you we can deal with this together”

“I’m going to be sick”

Paula quickly stood out the way whilst Sophie ran to the loo and threw up quite violently.

Paula went into the kitchen got a clean cloth and followed Sophie into the toilet, to help hold her hair back and wipe her face and mouth.

Sally with tears in her eyes went and fetched a glass of water. She followed both women to the toilet and knocked on the door. “Sophie I’ve brought you a glass of water”

“Thanks Sal, we’ll be out in a tick”

“Ok I’ll wait in the kitchen”

A couple of minutes passed and both women joined Sally at the kitchen table. 

Sophie ‘white as a sheet’ reached for the glass of water and took a sip.

Paula and Sally wanted to scream at Sophie to tell them what the result was but they both knew, Sophie had to do it in her own time.

“How are you feeling love?” Paula asked with slight trepidation in her voice. 

Sophie looked up at Paula and Sally, their faces displaying the angst that they were feeling. The thought of the love, these two women had for Sophie, two completely different kinds of love but both totally engulfing in their own way, made Sophie almost breakdown again.

“I’m sorry for reacting that way I think it was the shock”

“Oh sweetheart it’s ok and your mum and I are here for you”

“Yes Sophie, Paula’s Right. We face this together, all of us”

“We will deal with it Sophie. You are still you, an......”

“I know but it’s...”

“No buts sweetheart I to..”

“No I mean it’s clear, I’m clear, I’m ok”

“Oh my god Sophie that’s wonderful news isn’t it Paula” cried Sally

Paula had just simply grabbed hold of Sophie on hearing her say those words and was squeezing the life out of her.

It took a while for all 3 women to compose themselves after hugging, kisses, crying etc.

“I didn’t realise how worried I was about it until the doctor said the words it’s clear”

Sophie of course you would be worried, I mean who wouldn’t be? 

“I know mum and I thought I was handling it”

“Handling it and blocking it out are two different things” replied Paula

“I can’t believe I was sick again I thought the tablets had started working”

“That was the shock love, the tablets can’t stop that”

Sophie just looked at Paula with such love and warmth in her eyes and said “Thank you”

Sally could see how both women where looking at each other and took this as her cue to leave. “Well er....I think it’s time I was off. Go and erm tell your dad and Tim the good news”

“Ok well let me just grab my keys”

“No its ok I will be fine getting a taxi”

“You will not get a taxi, we will take you home won’t we Soph?”

“If it is ok with you, I wouldn’t mind taking a bath. So could you go on your own?”

“Sweetheart are you sure?”

“Yes babe I am”

“Ok” Paula went to grab her keys and Sophie gave her mum a huge hug to say thank you”

“Right I will just grab my stuff and then be on my way. I’m so happy for you Soph”

“Thanks mum”

Sally said her goodbyes and headed out the door to put her stuff in Paula’s car.

“Are you sure you will be ok sweetheart?”

“Yes now go because the sooner you have left the quicker you will be coming back and we there’s a celebration to be had....”

Paula knee exactly what kind of celebrations Sophie had in mind and her stomach flipped with excitement at the thought but then a pang of dread over the secret.

Sophie walked over and gave Paula a slow lingering kiss goodbye. “Right now go because Mum will be waiting and she will think I’ve dragged you off to bed already” laughed Sophie

Paula chuckled “ok I will be back soon. I love you”

“I love you too”

On the drive home Paula was very quiet and Sally knew she was worrying about what plans Sophie has (given there previous conversation) and although a little uncomfortable about the subject she felt she had to try and reassure her. “Paula I...well I know that you’re worried about....Erm...well you know what we talked about.

“Sal....”

“No let me finish please”

“I know it’s been hard you not being able to tell Sophie about the separation. We all know you acted on the advice of the Doctor and can tell Sophie that, if it comes to it. What I do know is that you love my daughter very much and as a parent that’s all we want for our children. You have supported her throughout this ordeal, never once wavering despite whoever tried to get you to leave her side, including me. I know I wasn’t your biggest fan and blamed you for breaking her heart...”

“Sall...”

“No please just let me finish. You told me that there is a different side to the story and upon reflection I think that maybe, we’ll not think but believe there is no way you would want to hurt Sophie deliberately. So I hope with all my heart that you both do get to sort it all out, as you deserve to have some peace of mind too Paula. I know we have had our share of disagreements but I really couldn’t wish or ask for a better daughter-in-law than you. Go home embrace and enjoy the love you have for each other. Paula because as the saying goes we never know what tomorrow can bring”

Paula by now had tears rapidly falling from her eyes. Sally’s words so touching and words they really where what she needed to hear right now.


	18. Chapter 18

The minute Paula had left the house Sophie started to get things ready. Tonight was her chance to show Paula how much she loved her and how much she appreciated all that she had done for her these past few weeks. First off she went to the bedroom and placed candles all around. She then got Alexa to pause at a certain song, ready to play later. 

Next was the bathroom and she filled the tub with boiling hot water and bubbles, knowing that it would be at the correct temperature by the time Paula got back. She lit the candles and went down to the kitchen. 

When in the kitchen Sophie grabbed a bottle of red, uncorked it and then grabbed a couple of glasses. She then headed to the fridge choosing the right kind of foods she was needing. She then plated together a selection of anti -pasti and tapas dishes, film wrapped and placed back in the fridge ready for serving before heading back up to the bathroom and placing the wine and glasses on the shelf.

Sophie then went into the bedroom and changed into her dressing gown. Just as she was finished she heard Paula pull onto the drive. Heading downstairs Sophie’s stomach was churning with excitement, ‘Paula was not going to know what hit her’ thought Sophie.

Paula entered the house and dropped her keys in the dish. “Sweetheart I’m back” as she turned to walk into the kitchen Paula stopped dead, her mouth hanging open. Sophie was stood in her midnight blue silk dressing gown with her hand up against the frame.

“About time”

“Fuck Sop...”

“Well not right now...but maybe later” said Sophie walking over to Paula as it seemed Paula had lost the use of her legs.

Upon reaching Paula, Sophie softly kissed her on the lips. “I think we need to relax and take a nice bath together don’t you?” Said Sophie as she walked slowly around Paula removing her coat as she went and kissing the back of her neck.

Paula’s belly was in knots and well her knickers were soaked already. Jesus even if she had tried to not have any form of intimacy tonight, her body was always going to rule her head in that matter. To say Paula was aroused would be an understatement and she had also lost the power of speech for some reason.

As Sophie moved round to the front of Paula and let her coat drop to the floor, she kissed Paula harder and with raw passion. 

That was it Paula was gone succumbed to the intoxicating effects of Sophie. She pushed Sophie against the wall kissing her back hard. Her body crying out for the contact that she had been missing over the years and now finally feeling like it was home and had found it’s missing piece to become whole again. 

Sophie scrambling to remove Paula’s top and undoing the button and zip on her trousers. She then needed to take some sort of control back otherwise their first proper reconnection would happen right against that wall and Sophie wanted it to be more special than that. 

Pulling back and panting rather heavily she managed to get one word out “bathroom”

Paula was a bit dazed and stood there in her underwear, with clothes sprawled around the floor. She tried to get her brain in gear.

Sophie took Paula’s hand and led her up the stairs to the bathroom. When they got there. Sophie removed Paula’s bra sucking her rock hard nipple in her mouth as she pulled the bra down. Causing Paula to groan rather loudly.  
She then got on her knees as she inhaled her scent deep and taking a swipe with her tongue as she pulled Paula’s knickers down her legs. Paula legs nearly buckled at this point, she had to hold onto Sophie to regain her balance. 

Sophie stood up and kissed Paula softly teasing her and Paula could slightly taste herself in the top of Sophie’s tongue, god this was excruciating. Sophie went to remove her dressing gown but Paula managed to come to her senses enough to place her hand on Sophie stopping her. 

“Let me” Paula took hold of the gown by the shoulders and then slipped it off leaving it collecting at her elbows, moving in closely and kissing Sophie from the base of the neck and across her shoulder blades. Then letting the robe fall completely to the floor.

Sophie then pulled Paula with her to the bathtub and climbed in sitting herself down and indicated for Paula to join her.

Paula got herself into the tub and positioned herself in between Sophie’s legs and her back to her

“Hmmmmmm Sweetheart this is lovely”

“Nothing short of what you deserve babe” said Sophie handing Paula  
a glass of red and having a drink out of her own glass. 

She then placed the glass back on the shelf and took the sponge and started lathering Paula’s back and chest.

Paula was loving the feeling of Sophie washing her it was quite sensual. 

The next twenty minutes was spent with Sophie and Paula taking turns washing each other and shampooing each other’s hair before Sophie suggested that they best get out before they turn into prunes. 

Paula stepped out first put a towel around her and then grabbed one for Sophie and once out of the bath she wrapped the towel around her. 

Sophie grabbed another towel and used it to towel dry Paula’s hair and then Paula returned the favour before they headed into the bedroom.

Once in the bedroom nerves took a hold of Paula and yet again it was Sophie who took the leading role. Standing by the bed Sophie looked Paula in the eyes “I love you so much it hurts and not being able to touch you these past few weeks has been so hard. Bu...but now we can, with no barriers between us, we can consume each other and get lost in our own world Paula. You’re my one true love Paula, my always and forever let me now climb inside you, let us be complete and one again” 

Paula again had tears streaming down her face and could do nothing but nod her approval before Sophie’s lips took hers in a soul searching kiss of exploration and as she lay Paula down on the bed and climbed on top of her skin to skin. The only words that could be heard was “Alexa play” and then the room was filled with their song.

We'll do it all  
Everything  
On our own  
We don't need  
Anything  
Or anyone  
If I lay here  
If I just lay here  
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?  
I don't quite know  
How to say  
How I feel  
Those three words  
Are said too much  
They're not enough  
If I lay here  
If I just lay here  
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?  
Forget what we're told  
Before we get too old  
Show me a garden that's bursting into life  
Let's waste time  
Chasing cars  
Around our heads  
I need your grace  
To remind me  
To find my own  
If I lay here  
If I just lay here  
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?  
Forget what we're told  
Before we get too old  
Show me a garden that's bursting into life  
All that I am  
All that I ever was  
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see  
I don't know where  
Confused about how as well  
Just know that these things will never change for us at all  
If I lay here  
If I just lay here  
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

(Lyrics Chasing Cars/Snow Patrol)


	19. Chapter 19

Sophie started by kissing Paula slowly and sensually, whilst scraping her nails up and down Paula’s side and across her stomach. She could tell by Paula’s breathing that it was driving her wild. She moved down to Paula’s neck kissing and licking and kissing her way down to Paula’s chest taking it as slowly as she possibly could.

Paula was in ecstasy she could feel the wetness below and didn’t know how the sheets were not soaked already. For a slight second she thought about what she had to tell Sophie but the quicker it appeared it disappeared just as fast. Sophie’s actions causing absolutely chaos with her emotions and thoughts. The only thing Paula knew was she wanted, no needed Sophie.

“Soph.....pl...please”

Sophie moved her head back up and kissed Paula. The kiss deep and conveying all the movements and feather light touches she was going to be doing to Paula’s clit after she had made her cum for the first of many times hopefully. Sophie started moving her hand lower cuffing Paula’s vagina as she allowed a finger to slip through her folds. The movement causing a jerk from Paula. Two fingers slowly glided their way through an extremely wet pussy, the movement of the fingers, combining with a collective groan as they gently scraped over a very swollen clit and then gently circling the bud causing Paula to writhe and the occasional “mmm” and “yes”.

Sophie could feel Paula getting wetter and more impatient, in her need to have Sophie inside of her. So with a slight twist of the clit between the two fingers, she then moved her fingers back down the folds and deep inside Paula.

Paula was just getting over the shock the twist had caused when she felt Sophie enter her and god did it feel good. Paula reacted by pulling Sophie tighter into her and scraping her nails down Sophie’s back knowing this turned Sophie on immensely. This caused Sophie to start speeding up her thrusts, adding another finger and trying to get in even deeper if at all possible. Paula was pulling Sophie harder to her and was meeting every thrust of Sophie’s, until one final twist of the fingers as she thrusted back in caused Paula to cum hard and loud.  
“Ohhhhhh myyyyyyy goddddddd Sophhhhhhiiiiieeeeee”

Sophie waited for Paula’s body to recover from the aftershocks before withdrawing her fingers and then starting her 2nd attack on Paula’s clit with her tongue and mouth. Sucking, circling and flicking her tongue over the top didn’t take long for Paula to spray her juices all over the sheet and into Sophie’s mouth, which Sophie enjoyed immensely, cleaning Paula up before making her away up to kiss Paula on her mouth and wrap her arms around her. “Was that ok?”

“Wa...was that ok? Arrr.....are you fucking kidding me Soph? It was...well it was all I expected and more. Give me a few minutes and I will show you exactly...how...it feels”

Sophie snuggled up to Paula and rested her head on Paula’s chest whist Paula composed herself.

“I love you Paula”

“And I love you so much Sophie” saying these words and hearing them started to re-ignite Paula’s libido so she flipped Sophie on her back and moved her hand straight down to Inbetween Sophie’s legs whilst kissing, sucking and nibbling at Sophie’s breasts. Paula slid her hand in and slipped a couple of fingers up through Sophie’s folds she was so engrossed she didn’t hear Sophie say “No” it was so low.

Sophie had just been getting ready for Paula to make love to her when she felt Paula’s fingers near her entrance. The next minute she felt her own body tense and she was having flashbacks of just pitch black, a sense of feeling panicked and then feeling the pressure of someone on her. “Sophie screamed No, No, No and started pushing and kicking out, catching Paula on the cheekbone and unbalancing her, that she fell to the side. Sophie sat up pulling her knees into her and rocking, crying.

Paula quickly jumped up and was aghast at the state Sophie was in.  
“Oh my god Sophie what is it? did I hurt you? please Soph talk to me”

I’m so sorry Paula, I’m sorry, so sorry. Paula grabbed her robe put it round her and joined Sophie on the bed. Wrapping her in a cuddle and just holding her until she was a lot more composed.

“Sophie sweetheart please tell me what happened?” Paula was worried Sophie had remembered they had separated.

“Babe I’m sorry. Oh my god look at your eye.....what have I done?”

The fact Sophie had called Paula babe, told her that it wasn’t her remembering the separation that had caused this. “Sophie my eye will be fine, it was an accident. Now please tell me did I hurt you?”

“You didn’t hurt me. I....I felt a panic the min...minute I felt your fin...fingers go near my...well you know my entrance. 

Paula felt disgusted in herself of course Sophie would have issues with sex after what she had been through. How could she have been so stupid not to realise. “Sophie it’s my fault sweetheart I should have realised it may be too soon”

“No Paula I’m to blame, not you and your eye on god” Sophie started crying “wha....what if I can...if we never...get to...”

Sweetheart we do not need to rush this. We have all the time in the world and sex is only a small part of what we have. so if and that’s a big if, it’s never, then we will get through it, just like we have with everything else. Soph come get into bed and let’s just lie here and talk”

Paula and Sophie both got into bed (Paula making a note to pull Sophie over to the left more as the sheets needed to be changed from earlier but this was priority at the moment)

“I really wanted tonight to be special”

Soph it was. You made me feel amazing. It’s me who has let you down”

“No it’s my body that’s let you down. I’m damaged goods can’t you see that? you will soon get sick of me”

“Right stop this right now Sophie and listen to me “I will never get sick of you and I want you by my side forever”. Paula remembering the secret felt guilty, “Anyway who is to say you aren’t the one who is going to want to leave me”

“Yeah right......as if that’s ever going to happen”

Look Sophie we have the rest of our lives to work through this and we don’t have to rush anything. We have that appointment with the counsellor in the middle of the week we can discuss this with her.

Sophie looked horrified “no way Paula I’m not discussing our sex life with a stranger”

“Sweetheart it won’t be the first time they have had people talking to them”

“No Paula I just can’t”

“Lets just leave it for now ok I don’t want you getting anymore upset then you already are”

“We need to get som..some ice on that eye” said Sophie looking down feeling ashamed.

“Come on down with me and I will make you something to eat. You haven’t eaten all day”

“You won’t need to make anything I prepared us a little celebration dinner, not that we have anything to celebrate”

Paula turned Sophie’s head so she was facing her “we most certainly do the fact we are home together, your results, how brave you have been and the start of a whole new chapter Sophie”

“You really think we will get through this?”

“I don’t think I know” said Paula silently hoping it was the truth.

“Well to be fair it’s not like more shit could come our way is it. Really what else could possibly happen”?

“Come on let’s go and have some of them goodies but before we do I just need to strip this bed”

“Why?”

“You really need me to answer that?”

“Ohhhh right no I don’t”

Both women got up and Paula pulled the sheets off the bed and put them in the laundry, before heading down to the kitchen.

Sophie got a bag of frozen peas out of the freezer, wrapped them in a tea towel and walked over to Paula. “Hold this to your face babe and I will get the food out. Sophie went to the fridge and took the food out, placed all the dishes on the table and unwrapped them.

“Sweetheart this all looks fabulous”

“Well I didn’t know how long we would be so thought I best do a cold selection of foods. If I’d have known ho....how things were going to turn out, then I would put have bothered and cooked us a hot meal”

“Sophie Love please stop feeling guilty, I’ve had a lovely afternoon, now let us enjoy the night, eating and relaxing together”

As Sophie took the wrapper off the palms ham plate she felt a wave of nausea. “I thi...think.....sick and rushed off to the toilet. Paula sat there for a couple of minutes and was about to go and see if Sophie was alright when Sophie walked back into the room.

“How are you feeling?”

“I’m not sure I can eat”

“Do you think it’s because of what happened this afternoon?”

“Maybe....it could be the shock and PTSD”

Suddenly something occurred to Paula.

“Soph”

“HMmm”

“You don’t think.....we’ll do you think......that maybe....you could be...well ermmm pregnant ?”

Sophie dropped the plate she was holding onto the floor and sat herself down hard onto the chair. 

Paula got up to pick up the smashed plate and put it on the side before pulling her chair closer to Sophie”

“Love are you Ok?”

“I Erm I don’t know”

“What as in pregnant or ok”

“Both. But Paula surely the hospital checked when they did their tests and would have given me some sort of pill to prevent it?”

“It possibly would have been too early to tell anyway and as for a pill, I don’t think they are allowed without consent. I know they needed my consent to have the HIV test because you weren’t able to give it yourself”

“Oh god Paula what if I am”

“Don’t start worrying until we know for sure. Why don’t I go throw some clothes on and go and buy a test and then we will take it from there?”

“Er....Ok...”

Fifteen minutes later and Paula was on her way out to the chemist. ‘Shit, shit, shit not wanting to be selfish but what was she going to do now? Paula had planned on telling Sophie the secret after her counselling session tomorrow of the counsellor had thought it best. However, Sophie’s reaction when they were making love earlier caused her slight concern that she may not be able to tell her yet but now if she is pregnant there is no way she can tell her. “God can we get a break please” she said out loud.

Sophie was sat stunned about the difference a few hours can make. She had been so happy at 4 pm and now 20:30 and her whole world could be turned on it’s head yet again. What would she do if she was pregnant? She just didn’t know but one thing was for certain if she was pregnant then she could not burden Paula with two problems, as much as it would crucify her she would have to walk away and let Paula live the life she deserved with someone who wasn’t damaged or have baggage.


	20. Chapter 20

Paula was on her way back to the house with four pregnancy test kits in her bag. Who would have thought that there was such a vast selection of kits and how do you know which is best? Just to be sure she got four! It was only a short journey from the Supermarket but this one felt like it was lasting forever.

Sophie heard Paula come in and took a deep breath. As Paula walked in the first thing she spotted was the bruising around her cheekbone, Paula was definitely going to have a black eye in the morning. “Oh god Paula...your eye”

“Sweetheart don’t worry about that ok? it’s fine and it doesn’t hurt, well not really”. Paula placed her bag on the table and then pulls the tests out the bag and placed them down on the table.

“Babe why have you got four tests?”

“Have you seen how many varieties there are Soph? fuck it’s like Heinz 57. One of them even indicates how many weeks you are”

Paula went and poured herself a glass of wine

“Do me one too please”

“Soph don’t you think we should wait until...well.....until you have taken the test?”

“Oh...Erm..Yeah...you are probably right” 

Paula poured her glass down the sink

“What are you doing?”

“Well if you aren’t able to then it’s not fair me drinking is it?”

“You could have had a drink I don’t mind”

Paula walked over and sat down next to Sophie, grabbed hold of her hand and said “well I do”.

“So sweetheart how do you want to do this?”

“I don’t know, what do you think?”

“Well it’s really up to you but I know if it was me the first thing I would want is to know if I am or not?”

“Which one shall I use?” 

“All of them, it can’t do any harm?. This one on the end is the one that indicates how many weeks pregnant you are, if you are”

“So what I just take them in and pee on them?”

“That’s the idea”

“Sop....”

“Maybe I will do it tomorrow”

“It’s your choice but are you telling me you can get a decent nights sleep with this on your mind?”

“Babe I’m not going to get a decent nights sleep anyway after tonight’s events. Just when we think things are starting to get back to normal....anyway I can take a sleeping tablet, the ones the Doctor prescribed for me”

“Oh sweetheart I don’t think you should take any medication until you know if you are or not”

It was all getting to Sophie the thought of having to give Paula up, carrying a child in her, that was put there by force and not through love. A lone tear fell from Sophie’s eye.

“Sweetheart talk to me”

“Paula I can walk in that bathroom and take them tests and what 5 minutes later walk out and my whole life could change and wha....”

“Love it’s no good having all sorts of questions and scenarios flying around your head. Right now there are only two questions that matter and once you get your answer to them, you can then start processing what it means”

“I’m scared”

“I know but I’m with you every step of the way, whatever happens”

“I don’t want you watching me pee on them” Sophie said looking horrified at the thought.

Paula chuckled “Sophie I have seen you naked, had my tongue ins”

“Ohhh god shush” Sophie said looking rather embarrassed.

“Ok why don’t you go in the toilet, wee on the sticks and once you are done then place them on the side and give me a shout. I will be outside the door and then I will come in and we will check the results together.

“I don’t know if I’m ready to know”

“Well shall we go watch a film?”

“Seriously?”

“Yes seriously, I told you it was your choice”

“I probably won’t be able to concentrate”

“Probably not”

“I will be fidgeting”

“Yes you will”

“You will get annoyed because I’ll be huffing and puffing, trying to get comfortable”

“Probably” said Paula with a grin

“I won’t be able to stop thinking about these tests and if I am or not”

“No you won’t”

“Are you just going to keep answering with these short responses?”

“Yes I think so” said Paula smirking

Sophie started chuckling “God I love you Paula”

“I do you too”

“Ok stop now it’s becoming annoying”

“Ok” said Paula and leaned in giving her a peck on the lips before standing up and asking “so what film shall we watch then?”

“I think I’m best doing the tests”

“Are you sure bec....”

“I don’t think I will ever be ready but you’re right I need to know one way or another. You will have to look at the results because I don’t think I can?”

“If that’s what you want then I will, no problem”

Sophie stood up, gathered the tests and headed to the downstairs toilet.

“I will be right outside” 

“Oh just come in but make sure you have your back to me when I pee”

“Are you sure Sophie I don’t mind waiting outside?”

“yes having you in there will give me the strength to go through with it”

Paula felt a surge of love at Sophie’s words but her stomach was also churning at what the results were going to be.

“Right turn your back”

“Ok” Paula did as she was told and could hear Sophie peeing, then the sticks being placed on the counter top.

“Right you can turn around now”

Sophie washes her hands and then dried them. “Right I’ll wait at the table”.

“What are you not staying here?”

“No I need to sit down for this”

Paula walked over to Sophie hugged her and then placed a soft kiss on her lips. “No matter what I’m with you all the way ok?”

Sophie just pulled Paula back into a hug as she knew that If it was positive she couldn’t hold Paula to her words. She then pulled away and said “see you in a minute”

5 minutes later Paula walked though with the tests wrapped in tissue paper.

“Well?”

“Well according to these tests you are 5 weeks pregnant”

Sophie just burst into tears. Paula put the tests down, went across to Sophie and just held her whilst she cried. After a while Paula asked Sophie to come sit in the lounge.sophie nodded and Paula led her through holding her hand.  
Paula sat at the end of the sofa and pulled Sophie down next to her. Sophie put her legs up and then placed her head on Paula’s lap. Paula stroked Sophie’s hair.

“How are you?”

“I can’t believe it”

“Sophie you know I will support you in whatever you decide I just want to make that clear now”

“Oh Paula I ha.....have always imagined having children and hoped we would have children one day. Also that by some miracle it could be a mixture of our genes. Never did I imagine the first child I would carry, would be one forced into me with no love involved just utter violation”

Paula decided not to speak and let Sophie talk as she knew that was the best way to let her get it off her chest.

“The other thing is I am a Christian so in gods eyes I only have one option. This baby will have genes of the bastard who raped me Paula and I know nothing about him or his family , disabilities, mental health, health issues and what if it turns out to be like him?”

“How can I look after a baby for God’s sake I can’t even look after myself at the moment or take care of your needs” at this point Sophie started crying and Paula just pulled her into her arms and held her. 

When Sophie had calmed down, Paula then said what she had been waiting to say. “Sweetheart first of all I’m sure god will understand why you may be thinking of the alternative and your reasons for it”

“2nd of all you are forgetting that this baby also has the genes of the most beautiful, smart, kind, caring, strong and amazing woman I have ever met. If the child does have disabilities we will handle that like we handle everything else”.

“Thirdly - if you decide to keep this baby Sophie it will be surrounded by love and nurtured. I am sure he or she will turn out to be just as amazing as their mum. You are more than capable of looking after a child and WE will support them, we have financial stability, a good sized house, garden. This child will be fully supported and have the most amazing loving mums and family”.

“Most importantly Sweetheart is you have to talk this through with your counsellor and make the correct decision by you because whatever happens this baby is not responsible for the way it has been brought into the world and if you can’t get past that then.....”

Sophie listened to everything Paula had said and she knew she was right especially on her first and last points. “Paula I love you so much but even I can’t expect you to be the one to pick up the pieces and financially support someone else’s child. You never signed up for a damaged fiancée with baggage. That’s why I’ve decided if I am keeping this baby then I will release you from any responsibilities and let you go live the life you deserve and find someone who fully deserves you”

Paula jumped up almost knocking Sophie off the sofa “Are you fucking kidding me?”

Sophie was shocked she had never seen Paula look so angry. “N....no im not”

“How dare you even think that I would just stand by and let you ‘let me go’. let me ask you this Sophie if this situation was reversed would you be ok walking away? Would you want to walk away?”

Sophie hated to admit it but Paula had a point if this situation was reversed no one would stop Sophie from being there to support Paula and only now could she see how upsetting and a total disregard for their love and their relationship she had shown. “Paula I’m really sorry I didn’t think of it like that”

Paula went and knelt in front of Sophie, she placed her hand on her stomach “I may not have put that baby in their Sophie but by god I will be their whenever they need me and look after them and you far better than anyone else could, because I love you and will love you both unconditionally. You are my forever and if you decide to keep this child they will be my forever too and we will be it’s parents do you hear me”

Sophie was full on crying now Paula’s words touching her to the core. “What if they turn out like....”

“No child of ours is going to turn out anything other than stubborn, independent and sometimes a little argumentative but they will also be loving, caring and totally accepting of all people regardless of creed. However if you decide it’s too much then I will support you in that decision too but the one thing you can be sure of Sophie Webster, is I am going nowhere, do you hear me”

“Yes”

“Sorry I couldn’t quite hear you”

“YES”

“Good now you must be shattered why don’t we go watch tv in bed and cuddle up”

“That’s sounds lovely”

Both women headed up and got ready for bed. Paula quickly put the fresh sheets on and then they climbed in cuddling up together. Each in their own thoughts Paula about seeing the counsellor tomorrow and Sophie about what she should do. They gave each other a slow, lingering, reassurance kiss goodnight and settled down to sleep, which surprisingly came quite fast to both women.

The next morning and both women where up handy. Paula had showered and dressed, she told Sophie she had an individual appointment with the counsellor, which wasn’t so strange as Sophie knew those type of appointments, where going to be taking place.

“Right sweetheart I’m off I will be back as quick as I can. Remember to book a Doctors appointment to register and also an appointment with the counsellor so you can talk through what your decision is or could be”

“I won’t need that appointment with the counsellor well not for that reason anyway”

“Oh?”

“Yes I know what I am going to do?”

“And?”

“There is no way I can have an abortion it goes against my faith and all I stand for. So I’m.....we are going to have this baby if you are sure?”

Paula dropped her bag and walked over to Sophie places her arms on her shoulders “if that is really what you want then yes let’s have a baby” and she kissed Sophie with all the love she could muster before reluctantly pulling away. “I hate I have to leave right now”

“I know but you will be back soon enough”

“Yes I will” and with that she gave her another quick peck, said goodbye and left.

Ten minutes later and the doorbell went. I bet she has forgotten something Sophie thought as she answered the door

“Oh...., Can I help you? Sophie asked the guy aged about 30, on the doorstep feeling rather nervous especially as she was alone and didn’t know this person”

“Oh I Well I came looking for Paula but it seems the rumours are true”

“Rumours?”

“Yeah about you moving back in”

“What’s your name sorry?”

“Sam ....... look Sophie I’m sorry it was only meant to be a bit of fun and I’m glad you decided to give her a second chance, especially as it must have been such a shock catching us in bed like that but” 

Sophie felt like someone had stabbed her through the heart and punched her in the stomach at the same time. She could do nothing but slam the door in Sam’s face.


	21. Chapter 21

Paula had a successful meeting with the counsellor who had allowed her the headspace to work out what she was going to do. Tonight she was going to tell Sophie the truth about the separation and the counsellor had left her number for Paula or Sophie to call her, if they needed to talk, irrelevant of time. Which Paula thought was good of her, then she realised how much she was paying for her service, so hardly surprising really. She just had one more stop to make before home. Paula was relieved that tonight she would be unburdened and hopefully Sophie her and their baby could move forward with their future. The counsellor had been right of course, her questioning made Paula come to her own conclusion that there would always be a reason not to tell Sophie, so the sooner the better for all involved.

Three quarters of an hour later and Paula walked into the hallway. “Sweethe....... Paula’s stomach dropped in front of her was three suitcase, Sophie’s three suitcases.

“Sophie, SOPHIEEE”

Sophie walked out of the lounge and into the kitchen, Paula followed her. Looking at Sophie she could see she had been crying her eyes were swollen and red.

“Sophie what’s going on?”

“I’m leaving, I’ve ordered a taxi and it should be here in ten minutes”

Paula felt sick Sophie...leaving ten minutes. “What? Why? Is it the baby”?

“No”

“Sophie help me out here, because when I left earlier we were more than fine and now it’s like...well...you’re leaving?

“Yes Paula that is exactly how it is”

The taxi pulled up and beeped his horn. 

“Oh no you are not going anywhere, not until you tell me what this is all about. I at least deserve that don’t I?”

“Ordinarily Yes but then again I deserved to be told about Sam and wasn’t”

Paula stumbled backwards of all the things she was not expecting that. “Sophie please don’t go we need to talk, the baby....”

“The baby is not your concern and anyway after tomorrow there will be no baby”

Paula had to take drastic action, more than her and Sophie’s life depended on it. She walked over locked the door and took the keys out, then walking into the kitchen she removed the back door keys, then to the dining room she removed the patio keys”

“LET ME OUT PAULA, you cannot keep me prisoner”

“Not until you hear what I have to say, then if you still want to leave I will drive you my bloody self, to wherever you want to go myself, I promise”

“Your promises mean nothing to me, not anymore

“Our baby deserves to be given this chance, if you leave and have that abo...carry on with that appointment, you may regret it Sophie and nothing you can ever do can change that, believe me I know how that feels and it’s not nice it eats away at you and consumes your whole being”

“Sophie didn’t have a clue what Paula was referring to”

“What are you going on about?”

“Us Sophie, there are things you don’t know and reasons why you don’t know but if you will just sit down I can explain everything”

“Well you can miss out the bit where I found yo......you in bed with Sam he has already informed me about that”

Paula felt like she was going to throw up any minute and she was terrified she was going to lose Sophie again forever.

Sophie walked through to the kitchen and sat down, Paula followed her through but before she sat down she needed to get a drink. She reached for the wine bottle automatically and Sophie was watching her from the corner of her eye. She saw Paula place it back down and get a couple of bottles of water from the fridge, she then walked over and sat down.

“The best way to do this Sophie is by just letting me speak if you can. Paula took a drink of water. Right well over 5 years ago and more we had an argument. You were getting increasingly fed up that I was getting home late, and cancelling dinners because of a big case I was working on with Sa...Sams assistance. You had met Sam a couple of times but you said “you didn’t like him or trust him. I thought you was just jealous but I really wished I had listened to you”

Paula took another mouthful of her water before continuing “that night Sophie you stormed out and said you won’t be home, I went to work as usual. 8pm we still had some more work to do for the court case so I suggested doing it back at ours, which we have done at times. Once I got home and realised you weren’t home, I called your mobile but you wouldn’t pick up so I got annoyed then and started drinking Bourbon but I wasn’t drunk. We worked til gone 11 and I told Sam he could stay in the spare room then went to bed” 

“The next thing I know you’re at the door screaming that you can’t believe I would do this, you hate me and never want to see me again. Throwing your engagement ring at me and then you walked out of my life Sophie” Paula was crying at this point but she needed to continue.

“I always sleep naked in the summer you know I do and I asked Sam what the bloody hell he was playing at because you had walked in on him in our bed and he was in his boxers. He thought it would be funny to get in bed so I would think we had but he didn’t bank on you coming home”

“Don’t you mean you both didn’t?”

“I never slept with him Sophie I would never do that to you. I sacked him on the spot and told him to get out. I couldn’t even go after you as I had been drinking. I called your dad and he told me you were there but wouldn’t speak to me. For months I tried to get you to talk but you wouldn’t, your family thought I had cheated on you so built up this protective wall around you. My work went to pot, the house went to pot and I thought I would give it one more attempt only your mum told me you moved out of the area and she wasn’t to tell me where”

“I came back here and crumbled over the next month as it was too hard living here without you. I was offered another position in London, Charlie sorted me out and I took the Job then left”

“For the next five years I lived..”

“FIVE YEARS....five years......we have lived apart, separate lives so all this bullshit about being each other’s forever is a pack of lies”

“Sophie please let me finish?”

Sophie never said anything and Paula took that as her cue to continue.

“My new role involved working with the police taking statements I was called to the hospital to take a statement but they didn’t know who the woman was or whether she would regain consciousness. That woman was you I was so shocked I informed the hospital wow your name and your parents names, called the station and quit the case. I vowed I was not going to leave until you woke up and told me to leave, there was no way on this earth I was going to let you down again. When the Doctor returned he told me that I was still down as your Next Of Kin, I was shocked but relieved as it meant no one could force me to go”

“I stayed with you every minute and everyday Sophie, even when your parents came and your mum tried to get me to leave, I stood my ground. Your dad told us that you had decided to try and talk and see if we could make another go of it 2 months after you left but a man called Simon answered the phone. You wrongly assumed he was the new mane in my life, he is Charlie’s boyfriend who was looking after the house”

“Anyway when you did become conscious again well I was overjoyed but then when the Doctor started asking you questions and it became clear you had lost your memory I was devastated be....”

“Because you knew you would be stuck with me”

“Oh don’t talk such shit Sophie. I was devastated because I knew that there was no way I could ask for a second chance and we move forward in our lives. Then the Doctor told me I had to go along with your memory and how you thought things were because it could be detrimental to your health and have severe consequences. “I tried to tell them that you would hate us lying and deceiving you but your parents and the Doctors, all told me we had no choice and it was in your best interest”

“Your mum and I talked and I told her that I would like to look after you but I was also scared that the day would come and I would lose you all over again an......and it seems I was right to be concerned as that’s what is happening isn’t it?”

“I felt so guilty every time you talked about us as if we had not separated and then remember the time you told me to kiss you like I normally would because you could tell I was holding back? It was because I wanted you and I to be kissing without the feeling of deceit hanging over me”

Paula was rubbing her hand across her forehead and Sophie knew it meant she was stressed. “I kept asking the doctors can I tell you yet and they kept saying no. When the risk of HIV was hanging over us that made it a little easy to avoid intimacy as I could not sleep with you until you knew”

“But you did the other day or are you saying you didn’t want to?”

“No I’m not saying that. You know I was so worried after you had the all clear, I knew you would want to make love because it is what I wanted too but the feeling of guilt was killing me. You know it was so bad that the day when I drove your mum home I spoke to her about us having sex”

“You what..You spoke to my mum? What did she say?”

“Yes I couldn’t handle the deceit. I love you so much Sophie and your mum knows that. Her actual words were ‘go home and embrace the love you both have for one another because we never know what tomorrow may bring’ and you know what she was right, how could I not show you how much you mean to me”

Sophie couldn’t believe Sally had given Paula her blessing and also encouraged lesbian sex!!

“My appointment today Sophie was with the counsellor as she was meant to be talking me through how to tell you about the missing pieces because I had decided it could go on no longer. I was also worried about the effect it may have on the baby. I was going to tell you tonight, she gave me her card for you or I, if we needed to talk afterwards. If you don’t believe me her card is here, call her and ask her”?

Paula broke now her heart was broken in a million pieces she couldn’t stop the tears falling. This morning she had a fiancée and a baby, It’s is now late afternoon and she was faced with the possibility of losing it all. “I cant lose you or our baby Sophie, I just can’t. I have tried to tell you so many times but everyone else stood me it would make you really ill”

“Have you had a partner since me Paula”

“Par..Partner...No”

“Did I have another partner was I in love with someone else during that time?”

“As fa..far as I know the answer is No”

“Where did I live?”

“All I know is that you had a house share and worked in a hotel but you are best asking your parents”

“Have you slept with anyone else since we broke up?”

“This question made Paula feel sick as she knew she could t lie “yes 1 person and I was very dru....”

“Who?”

“Sophie what does tha....”

“Just answer the question Paula?”

“Rebecca the Police Officer who came to see you but I swear Sophie I feel nothing for her, felt nothing it was a drunken one night fumble”

“If I hadn’t ended up in hospital would you have come looking for me?”

“Honestly Sophie....No...because I had to respect your decision I waited for you to try get in contact as I had no way of contacting you. I tried ringing you for months the. After 3 months the line was dead, your parents wouldn’t say where you lives and my life was a mess”

“I would like you to take me to my dads house now please?”

“Sophie plea...”

“You promised and I have listened I need to leave now Paula”

“Sophie I can’t lose you again, I can’t live without you in my life”

I can’t stay here Paula I don’t even know who I am anymore and whether all this has been through guilt or pity. 

Paula stood up “IVE TOLD YOU ITS LOVE THAT HAS MADE ME DO THIS”

“I know what you’ve told me but I don’t think I believe you” sophie took her engagement ring off and placed it on the table.

“Sophie please don’t do this I’m begging you don’t leave me?”

“I’m sorry Paula I have to now can you at least keep your promise and take me to my dads or do I need to call another taxi?”

“No I will drive you. I wi..will...ju...just...ge...get my k....keys”


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Im sorry if some of the precious chapter is repeated in this but hopefully you can see why that was necessary. X

Paula pulled up outside of Kevin’s and switched the engine off. This was it she was about to lose Sophie all over again. She put her head on the stirring wheel and broke down dying.

Sophie was struggling she didn’t like to see Paula in this state but she was also angry and confused about everything she had been told today.

“Tha......thank you for the lift and looking after me these past weeks”

Paula couldn’t even answer.

“Well I will erm best get out and erm look after yourself Paula”

Paula just reached out her arm and grabbed a hold of Sophie’s hand. She lifted her head up off the wheel and Sophie’s heart broke. Along with her swollen eye and the redness from crying Paula looked broken.

“I.....I kept my pro...promise now you promise me something, pl...please?”

“Pau...”

“Pro...promise me you won’t go through with you know..tomorrow. You still have time to make that choice...but...but not...right now please?”

“Pau...”

“Please?”

“Ok I promise”

“Thank you”

Paula reached into the back of the car and pulled out a bag. She passed it to Sophie. “This is what demonstrates what you both mean to me...just well just”

Sophie couldn’t take no more she had to get out, she took the bag Paula held out to her and reached for the door handle.

“Make sure to take your meds”

“Bye Paula take care”

“I love you Sophie and I’m sorry”

Sophie was now crying and for out the car. Paula got out to get her bags and Sophie knocked on her dads door.

“Sophie What...”

Sophie just walked in past Kevin and headed straight upstairs. 

“Paula what’s going on”

Paula gave Kevin the cases “she is Lea...leaving me, she knows, ple..., please take care of her for me Kevin” and then Paula turned, got in the car and drove off. 

Levin put the cases in the hall and followed Sophie upstairs. He knocked on her door “Soph can I come in?”

No answer but he could hear her crying so he went in anyway.

“Soph come on love talk to me what’s happened?”

“I know dad”

“You know what?”

“I know you have all been lying to me and I’m only here because I’ve nowhere else to go”

“Sophie we need to talk about this. How about I go get your mum and..”

“No dad I really can’t talk anymore tonight, my head is banging”

“Ok well I will leave it for tonight but tomorrow Sophie we are all going to sit down and talk this through. Is there anything you need? “Something to eat or drink?”

“No I’m fine dad”

“Ok well shout if you do”

“I will”

“We all love you Sophie and we are here for you”

“Night Dad”

Kevin went down and phoned Sally to tell her that Sophie knew and was at his house but she didn’t want to talk. He also suggested coming over at 10:30 and to try and get Paula over too and try sort this mess out.

Sally agreed, she put the phone down and then picked it back up to call Paula. Then she had a different idea “TIM”

Paula couldn’t believe she had lost Sophie all over again. Her instinct and head told her this would happen but like always where Sophie was concerned she went with her heart and now it had been shattered into a million pieces. She would never get over it this time round. Paula was stunned to hear the doorbell go. Maybe just maybe Sophie has changed her mind and come back. She jumped up and went to answer the door.

“Sally...Soph..”

“I know am here for you”

If Paula thought she couldn’t be shocked anymore that day but yet again she was wrong.

“But you don’t even like me”

“Oh Paula don’t be silly...come now let’s talk over a brew”

Paula stood aside and let Sally in, noticing she had an overnight bag with her.

Sally walked into the kitchen and noticed the wine glass and bottle she picked the bottle up and put it away whilst pouring the wine down the sink.

“Sally what are you doing?”

“We are going to be doing some talking and you need a clear head, that is not helping, if you want a glass later I may join you. Oh and if you don’t mind I thought I could stay over?”

“Erm..well...sure it’s not like I don’t have the room now is it?”

“Right so I’ll put the kettle on and you get comfy as I don’t know how long this is going to take as I don’t know much about what happened”

Sally made them both a brew asking Paula if she took milk and sugar. She then joined Paula at the table.

“Right Kevin tells me Sophie knows so we shall start there”

“Ok well this morning I had an appointment with the counsellor as she was advising how best to broach the subject about the missing years and separation” Paula thought it was not her place to mention the pregnancy so she would not tell Sally about that.

“I went to the appointment and then when I came back the first thing I walked in to was Sophie’s cases packed by the door and her telling me she was leaving and had rang a taxi. So although not proud of it I locked all the doors so she couldn’t leave before we talked. She only agrees on the condition I promised to take her to her dads after she had heard me out of she still wanted to go that was”.

“I would have probably done the same Paula so don’t worry about it”

“I soon learnt that whilst I was out Sam came knocking and the bastard told her that she had walked out and we had been separated. I told her what happened and I will tell you too Sall because no one has ever listened to my side of the story”

“Ok”

“The day Sophie left we had an argument she was getting increasingly fed up that I was getting home late, and cancelling dinners because of a big case I was working on with Sams assistance. Sophie had met Sam a couple of times but she didn’t like him or trust him. I thought she was just jealous.  
That night Sophie had stormed out and said she wouldn’t be home, I went to work as usual. 8pm we still had some more work to do for the court case so I suggested doing it back at ours, which we have done at times. Once I got home and realised Sophie home, I called her mobile but she wouldn’t pick up so I got annoyed then and started drinking Bourbon but I wasn’t drunk. We worked til gone 11 and I told Sam he could stay in the spare room then went to bed”

“The next thing I know Sophie is at the door screaming that she couldn’t believe I would do this, she hated me and never wanted to see me again. She threw her engagement ring at me and then walked out of my life.

“I admit it did look bad as I well erm I always sleep naked in the summer I asked Sam what the bloody hell he thought he was playing at because Sophie had walked in on him in our bed me naked and him in his boxers. He thought it would be funny to get in bed so I would think we had slept together but he didn’t bank on Sophie coming home”

“But I swear to you Sally I didn’t sleep with him, I wouldn’t and couldn’t I love Sophie”.

“I can certainly see why sophie would have thought what she did Paula”.

“I get that Sally, I really do. Anyway I then went on to tell her how I found her in hospital and then what happened whilst in hospital and how the doctors had told us it would be too dangerous to tell Sophie about the missing memories or separation”

“She asked where she lived and worked in London? I told her she would have to talk to you or Kevin about that but I know she worked in a hotel and shared a house, she then asked did she have a partner? did I have a partner? or had I slept with anyone whilst apart? I had to tell her...well I had to tell her that I slept with someone once a drunken mistake and only weeks earlier to me walking in and seeing her in hospital”

“After telling her all this she asked me to fulfil my promise and take her to her dads and that’s where we are at, Paula hadn’t even realised she had tears running down her face. What am I going to do Sally I can’t lose her?”

“Well I can’t make any promises Paula but tomorrow at 10:30am we are all meeting at Kevin’s to try and sort things out and hopefully Sophie may have a change of heart. So I suggest we try and get some sleep tonight as you certainly look like you need it. What happened to your eye?”

“Sophie caught me by accident, don’t worry it looks worse than it is” Paula wasn’t going to tell Sally it happened when they tried making love.

Both women went to bed Feeling very anxious about tomorrow and what the future held for Sophie and Paula.


	23. Chapter 23

The next day Paula and Sally headed off over to Kevin’s not sure what awaited them both. Neither had heard from Sophie or Kevin since the previous day.

Kevin had gone up to Sophie at 9:30am with a cup of tea and a couple of slices of toast. “Soph I’ve brought you some breakfast and a brew”

“Thanks Dad I’m not really hungry but I’ll take the brew”

“Sophie you have to eat, you had no dinner or supper last night either and I bet you haven’t taken your meds have you?”

Sophie couldn’t be bothered answering she just wanted to stay locked in the room forever. Her whole world as she knew it had come crashing down. She had struggled sleeping last night, not having Paula by her. The package Paula had given her was left on the side, Sophie didn’t have the strength to have a look yet, she definitely needed to be in the right mindset for that.

“I’ll leave it here but you need to get yourself up and dressed because your Mum and Paula will be here at 10:30”

“Wha you mean Paula?”

“Whether you like it or not Sophie, we are going to discuss what’s happened and how we all move forward. Paula loves you and I know you love her despite how angry you are with her, with all of us. So today we talk Sophie”

“Oh so I get no say in it?”

“I’ll see you downstairs”

Paula pulled up outside Kevin’s feeling rather anxious about seeing Sophie. “What if she doesn’t want to see or speak to me Sal?”

“Well she won’t have much choice on the matter, as we will not be leaving until she does”

Paula was beginning to see just where Sophie had inherited her stubborn streak from.

“Well here goes nothing, Paula said as she got out of the car”

Sally was already out and had knocked on the door. Kevin answered, “Come in, Soph will hopefully be down in a minute”. Both women followed him through to the lounge.

“Are you sure it wouldn’t be better for you both to talk to Sophie on your own, I mean without me here?”

“Paula you are part of this family and a big part in what’s going on, so no you will stay where you are”

“But Kev”

“She’s right it would be better her not being here” Sophie said as she came in from the hallway”

Paula looked up and her heart dropped at the sight of Sophie. She looked so tired and her eyes were swollen from crying. Little did Paula know that the exact same thoughts where going through Sophie’s mind too.

“We are going to sit around this table and have a grown up discussion Sophie. Nothing ever gets sorted sitting alone in a room cutting yourself off from those around you.” 

Kevin placed a couple of brews in front of Paula and Sally and sat down.

“Yeah Whatever you say Mum”

“Sophie, Paula wanted to tell you from the onset about the fact you hadn’t been together for the last five years but the Doctors told her not to” 

“Your dads right. I will be honest Sophie, I was angry as hell and didn’t want Paula anywhere near you but she refused to go anywhere and spent every minute with you in that hospital room. She could have quite easy agreed for her own sake to keep quiet but every single day she found it more and more difficult not saying anything. The doctors, your dad and I kept telling her she had to do it for your sake ignoring the pain she was under for having to lie. No one knew what the repercussions of telling you would have on your health and none of us wanted to risk making you ill anymore than you already where/are”

“It must have been hard pretending to be in love with someone again, especially your ex, after all these years” Sophie said looking at Paula

“I didn’t need to pretend I do love you and always have”

“And yet, you managed to go five years and not get in touch”

“I tr....”

“Oh I’ve had enough of this. You’re not so innocent yourself Sophie”

“Daddd what do you mean by that?”

“How many times did you try contacting Paula or talking to her after you walked out?”

“Don’t you mean after she slep......”

“I didn’t......”

“She didn’t sleep with him Sophie”

“And how would you know Mum?”

“Paula told me all about it last night”

“What do you mean last night?”

“When I stayed over”

“What you sleeping with my mum an all now?”

Paula spat her tea out, Sally nearly choked and Kevin scolded Sophie for being so flippant

“Don’t be so ridiculous, now you are being childish. I went over because I knew how you coming here would break her and I was right to do so”

“Wha....what do you mean?” Asked Sophie with some concern in her voice and giving hope to a Paula that Sophie did care”

“She was about to drink herself into an oblivion and god knows what would have happened then. At least with me there, she had someone to talk too and offer her a little of the support or compassion she has shown to you and us, throughout this whole ordeal. She explained to me what happened that night and it was just a total misunderstanding”

“Oh really what else did she have to say?”

“I am here.....you can ask me Sophie”

“Oh sorry but seen as you haven’t had a lot to say or needed to these past 20 minutes, I thought you had taken a vow of silence. So Paula what else did you have to tell my mum over your heart to heart last night”

“Oh for gods sak....” Sally was in the middle of chastising Sophie when Paula answered.

“Just what Sally has said I’ve said” Paula knew Sophie was referring to the pregnancy so she wanted her to not panic or feel like she had broken her trust again.

“I think it’s best we leave you both for half an hour to talk and then see where we are at” said Kevin

“If you want but I really don’t feel we have much left to talk about. We split up, made a new life for ourselves, I was well you know what I was, then Paula found herself in the wrong place at the wrong time, then felt some sense of burden out of pity and the rest we know. So I really don’t think much will be achieved in 30 minutes but do what you want”

Kevin got up from the table and walked into the other room he was gone for about 5 minutes before he returned. Sophie immediately spotted her diaries.

“What are you doing with my diaries?”

“They where with your stuff and until you had been told this we couldn’t risk returning them but I promise you that we have not read them”

“Why are you giving me these now?”

“Because your right, if we leave now you will still continue with this facade that you have put up and nothing is going to get sorted. However judging by how you told me just a little before you ended up in hospital, how much you missed Paula along with the fact you had tried to call her but jumped to conclusions and made the wrong assumptions, then I am willing to bet the garage on it that reading those diaries will tell you exactly how you feel about Paula and I know you know deep in your heart Sophie. Paula has been there throughout all this because she loves you. Now, and if you don’t mind coming with us Paula? we are heading over to Roy’s whilst you have a read through them and when you are ready to talk to Paula you ring one of us or text ok”

Sophie was speechless never would she had thought her parents would have supported her and Paula being together this much before. Maybe she needed to listen to her dad as he very rarely got involved in their personal issues.

Well seen as it’s the time for being open and honest to give you all something to talk about whilst I’m sat here and you lot are over there, then I may as well tell you I’m pregnant! and with that Sophie walked upstairs holding the diaries.


	24. Chapter 24

Paula, Kevin and Sally had been in Roy’s for over an hour and still nothing was heard from Sophie. Paula spent the first 30 mins talking about the bombshell about Sophie being pregnant and what they thought she might do. Kevin thought she would be best speaking to a counsellor and Sally outright thought the baby would be a constant reminder of what happened. 

Paula was just about to bid her farewells as there was no way Sophie was going to change her mind, when her phone beeped.

“Please come back I’m ready to talk”

“Paula was stunned. Erm that’s from Sophie sh...she said for me to go back...she is ready to talk”

“Well about flippen time. Right you go back, Jack is at a friends so I am going to do some work then later I will have a hot pot at the Rovers. So take your time”

“Thanks Kevin”

“An if she is still talking nonsense about you pair separating well don’t give up hope Paula”

“Thanks Sally. You know I never thought I would see the day you both supporting us and our relationship”

“it clear to see what Sophie means to you Paula and we know how Sophie feels about you deep down” Sally said as she gave her a hug and said “good luck”

Kevin grabbed her in a hug too and wished her luck.

Paula was finding it all quite emotional and just managed to keep a hold of her emotions. 

“Well” said Kevin

“Well what?”

“Paula what you still doing here?”

“Oh right yeah I best get over. Well erm I will see you both later”

“Hopefully not” said Sally 

For once it was Paula who blushed as she picked up her handbag and went across to Kevin’s. Paulas nerves were totally gone now ‘had Sophie reconsidered or was she still determined they were finished’. Well she would soon find out!

Sophie opened the door “where’s mum and dad gone?”

“They are still in Roy’s but your dad said he would be a while. If you want them he...here I ca...”

“No I’m glad it’s just us. We need to talk. Come in”

Paula didn’t like the sound of this as Sophie was being very calm and serious. Paula walked in and took the same seat she had vacated over an hour ago.

Sophie walked in and took the seat next to her. 

“Sop...”

“No Paula let me speak first”

“I’m sorry for wholly placing the blame at your door for not telling be about the separation. I do understand why you never said anything. Having thought about it, I would have done the same in your shoes. So I apologise for that”

“Sophie you really don’t need to apologise”

“I have flicked through the diaries for the period of time we have been split up Paula and what is clear is that you broke my hea..”

“Soph ple...”

“Paula please let me finish, I promise I will let you say your piece and I will listen after I’ve said what I’ve needed to say”

“Ok”

“The entries are full of anguish, despair and hate it was clear my heart was broken. At first the anger was focussed on how we have split up, me needing to move away and how you had broke my heart. Over time the date changes and the anger is turned towards myself and how I handled the situation. but every single day has two entires that are never missing. Every single day somewhere it mentions how much I miss you and that I love you” 

“There are questions wondering where you thinking of me too? Had you met someone new? In truth they are diaries that for five years, the person writing them was full of despair, regret and longing for the love she had lost. I know that feeling because I felt it again last night and today. But I don’t want to be that person Paula I want to be the person that I am when we are together”

“I want that too Sophie”

“The thing is how can I trust you Paula? Without trust a relationship will never work. How do I know you really want to be with me? That you are not just with me out of pity or until something better comes along? It’s not just me I have to worry about now” (Sophie placed her hand over her stomach)

“Sophie can I please have my say now?”

“Yes”

Paula took hold of Sophie’s hand. “Sophie love apart from Doctors orders I have never lied to you ever. I won’t lie to you Sophie but I cannot say if a medical emergency happened and the doctors told me to lie to you, that I wouldn’t follow their advice again. Your health and well-being are my priority actually both of yours are”. Paula moved her hands onto Sophie’s stomach and Sophie put her hands over Paula’s. 

“Paula I have never slept with another person since you. Sophie then remembered she had been attacked and rather quietly she said well not consensual anyway”

That last part of Sophie’s sentence made Paula feel sick as she remembered the violation Sophie had been put through.

Sophie, Rebecca was a drunken mistake that I deeply, deeply regret I was at my lowest ebb and couldn’t believe we had totally lost each other. I promise you Sophie I won’t ever want anyone else? you are all I want. Sophie I can’t breath without you, I want my family back Sophie, back home where you both belong, let me love you and look after you forever”

“Paula I really want to believe what your saying but I am scared what if you change your mind. My heart couldn’t cope with it and I wouldn’t survive another break up Pau...”

“Sophie have you seen the state I’m in? You are not alone in those feelings Sophie. It’s worse for me I CAN remember the separation and going through it. The pain and the heartache every time you walk away like you did last night and the night we split up. You just cut me dead Sophie and how can I deal with that, when you won’t even open up the lines of communication. You can’t just walk out when things are tough or you think you know what is happening and your assumptions, wow you have such a skill in that area, but like I said its the not talking about it that have made these situations a hell of a lot worse. Trust works both ways Sophie. I could wake one morning and you could decide to leave with our baby and then what am I left with?”

For the first time Sophie realised she had her faults too and Paula was right Sophie was acting like a child and those actions had cost her the relationship. This realisation was a shock. “Oh my god Paula you are so right I am so sorry for the hurt and pain I’ve caused you. The separation was all my fau...”

“No Sophie it was both our faults it should never have got to that stage and if we are to try again, then any future issues we have, we MUST talk them though together in order to stop it escalating like this again. We are better and stronger when we work together”.

“It’s not going to be easy Paula I have a lot to deal with and I don’t know how that is going to impact on me, you or the baby”

“What part of our relationship has ever been easy Sophie?”

“Well erm I suppose none of it”

“Exactly but for the majority of the time we ah w got through things together and going forward if we talk like we have said, go to counselling to deal with present and upcoming issues even relationship counselling if you want them we will be even stronger.”

“What do you want to happen Paula?”

“You know what I want I’ve already said. The question is what do you want Sophie?”


	25. Chapter 25

Sophie leant across and kissed Paula. At first it was tentative and slow but when she felt Paula kissing her back, a sense of urgency started to overtake and Sophie was completely lost in it. Tongues were searching each other’s out, teeth where clashing and passion rising. Sophie then pulled out of the kiss looked Paula in the eye and said “I want you, I want us so take me home Paula please”

Paula didn’t need asking twice. “Are your cases upstairs?”

“Yes.”

“Right well I will go and get them you stay there and when I come back down we will go” Paula headed up to Sophie’s room the case remained untouched and the gift was still untouched on the side.  
It took two trips back and forth to Sophie’s room but the cases and gift were now in the car and Paula couldn’t wait to get Sophie back home. “Ok sweetheart let’s go home”

“Shall we tell Mum or Dad before we go?”

“I will text them I just want us gone and on our way love”

“Ok babe”

The women left Kevin’s and headed home, both content that they had taken a big step towards a new future ahead of them.

Once in the through the door Paula  
took Sophie’s cases up an put them back in the room. She could tell Sophie had not opened her gift yet, so she put it away for another time.

Sophie was in the kitchen making a brew when Paula walked in to join her.

“I’ve text your mum and dad and they are both pleased we are back home and getting back on track”

“You know I’m still shocked how my mum came over here to be with you and support you. Then today how they both supported you and us sorting things out”

“You’re shocked....how do you think I felt when I opened the door last night and your mum is on our step telling me she has come over to be here for me and she was staying the night”

“I’m really surprised because I didn’t think she liked you that much”

“Oh thanks for the vote of confidence” Paula said trying to look offended

Sophie laughed “you know what I mean she has never been comfortable about our sexuality”

“Well she has definitely had a personality transplant because within 72 hours she has spoke to me about sex and about not leaving til you came home with me”

“I can’t believe that my mum spoke to you about sex”

“How do you think I felt? I just wanted the ground to open and swallow me up.

“I bet” Sophie laughed.

“Hey it’s not funny said Paula nudging her”

“It is nice to see them totally supportive of us though”

“Yes it is”

“OMG”

“What’s wrong?”

“I just remembered I told them I was pregnant, well not exactly told them more just blurted it out. What did they say?”

“Well obviously they where shocked but your dad, and I happen to agree with him, thinks you should have counselling to help you be sure in any decision you make and your mum is worried that the baby may be a constant reminder of what happened”

“I promise I will book in with a counsellor or speak to Dr”.

“Good” said Paula as she walked over to Sophie wrapping her arms around her waist and pulling her into her. Then placing what was meant to be a gentle kiss on the mouth, ended up with Paula’s trouser and knickers on the floor and Sophie just getting back up, after being on her knees and being Paula to an earth shattering orgasm with her tongue.

Another 3 weeks had passed and Sophie and Paula had settled back into Manchester life. Sophie and Paula were on their way to Sophie’s 8 week scan. Paula noticed Sophie was rather quiet “Sweetheart are you Ok?”

“I’m a little scared if I’m honest”

Paula reaches to take her hand “what are you scared of?”

“What if something is wrong with the baby Paula?”

“Then we will deal with it but I’m sure everything will be fine Soph”

“I still can’t believe we are having a baby?”

“Me either....but I know we will make the best parents Soph”

Paula pulled into the car park and parked up and switched the engine off. Turning to face Sophie “are you ready?”

“Can we just wait a minute”

Paula reaches for Sophie’s hand. Love what is really going on.....are you having second thoughts?”

“What if I’m not good at being a mum?

“Sophie love you should really speak to me or the counsellor keeping all this bottled up is no good”

“I know and I’m sorry”

“What I can say is, that baby is one lucky child to have you as their mum. I have no doubt you will be a superb mum, just look how you look after Jack. 

“Sometimes I lie there and I think of how close we came to losing each other forever. Then I get into a panic thinking what if that happens again but this time I’m left to bring up a baby on my own. I just know I wouldn’t be able to. I wou....”

“Sophie sweetheart I’m going nowhere and just say for arguments sake we do, not that I believe for one minute we will, then I will still be there supporting you and our child in a co-parenting role. I love you so very much Sophie”. Paula leaned over and kissed her softly on the lips.

“I love you too Paula so much it hurts and I just can’t say it enough” 

“Ditto. Now let’s go and check on our baby” she said as she placed her hand on Sophie’s stomach”

Sophie was sat in the room with the gel on and the nurse was doing the ultra sound. She was moving the scanner over Sophie’s bump trying to get a good image. The nurse hadn’t said a word yet so Sophie was becoming even more worried. 

“Right Sophie I’m just going to pop out and get the Doctor as he will want to have a look?”

“Wh....why is everything ok with the baby”? 

“Don’t worry Sophie, I won’t be a minute”

Paula was nervous as hell, having been through two pregnancy’s she knew this was unusual so something wasn’t as standard as a normal scan but she had to reassure Sophie. “Sweetheart don’t panic the Doctor probably has your medical records and has asked the nurse to come get him once you are ready”

“But is this normal Paula, did this happen whe...”

“Hi Miss Webster I’m Doctor Hughes let’s have a look at this little un then shall we?”

The Doctor took his position next to Sophie and picked up the scanner. He flicked a switch and then the next minute a heartbeat could be heard beating strongly. Sophie and Paula both breathed a sigh of relief.

“Is everything ok?”

“ Would you like to see?”

“Yes please” said both women

The Doctor turned the screen so they could see and Paula noticed what the issue had been and her mouth dropped open. She squeezed Sophie hand that she had been holding the whole time.

“As you can see both babies are doing fine”

“Oh my god, there’s two?” Sophie said not quite believing it” 

“Ye...yes” said Paula. By now both women had tears of happiness flowing down their face.

“Yes there is twin 1 and twin 2 right next to them, they are monozygotic twins”

“What does that mean?”

“It means they are identical”

“But there’s two” said Sophie in a state of shock

Paula and the Doctor chuckled “yes there is and we will need to keep a closer eye on you and see you every 2 weeks Sophie as we need to monitor the babies closely and we won’t let you go over 36 weeks”

“How can I fit two in here said Sophie pointing at her tiny stomach?”

“Oh Mother nature will help sort that out for you. Now would you like a picture?

“Yes please”

Twenty minutes later both women where sat in the car. “I can’t believe it, the...there’s actually two”

“Identical too” replied Paula

“OMG two of everything I’m never going to be able to do this Paula I was worried about managing with one ba...”

“Sophie we will cope and we are in this together”

“Yes but I can’t expect you to sup...”

“Sophie... STOP...will you get it into your head that it no they are OUR babies which means OUR responsibility and OUR family unit”

“But two, Paula?”

“I know isn’t it just wonderful” 

Sophie turned to look at Paula and could see how happy she looked and excited. She leaned over and kissed her on the mouth.

“What was that for?”

“Being you we are so lucky to have you Paula”

“No I’m the lucky one Soph”

“Oh no”

“What...?”

“I’m going to get very fat”

“You will be stunningly beautiful”

“Probably lots of weird cravings”

“Which I will obey your every command”

“Very Hormonal”

“Which means I will hide” Paula chuckled

“Oi you” Sophie said nudging Paula. 

“My feet will kill”

“I will rub them”

“Do you have an answer for everything?”

“Yes” Sophie laughed 

“Well at least it sorts one problem out”Paula said

“What’s that?”

“If we split up we get one each” said Paula clearly joking

“Not even funny babe”

“I’m sorry that was poor taste”

Sophie leaned across, grabbed Paula by the neck and kissed her hard. Paula went from 0- very aroused in an instant. God what was Sophie thinking starting this off in the car?

Sophie pulled back out the kiss

“Wha....what was that for?”

“Suddenly I feel the urge to consume you and...well as you said... you will obey my every command....then get us home fast babe”

 

Paula got home in record time, she also had to open up the windows as she was feeling very hot for some reason. As she pulled up in the drive they spotted someone on the doorstep.

“WTF”

“Babe do you know anything about this?”

“Sophie I promise it’s a complete shock to me as it is to you”

Both women had that same feeling in their stomach....dread!


	26. Chapter 26

Paula got out of the car and walked round to Sophie’s door, opening it and then reaching her hand in for Sophie to take hold of. Sophie took the offered hand, stepped out of the car and then kissed her on the lips. Paula shut the door and the two women made their way over to their visitor.

“Well this is a surprise” 

“Yes it is. So please tell us exactly why you are here?”

“Well I actually came to see Sophie but I wasn’t aware that she was staying with you”

“What does the fact Sophie is with me, have to do with anything Detective?”

“Well I wanted to speak to her on her own if you don’t mind?” Said Rebecca crossly.

“Well I mind, Detective, anything you have to say to me can be said in front of Paula, she is my Partner and we have nothing to hide from one another”

“I wouldn’t be so sure of that” said Rebecca under her breath that only Paula heard

“Why have you not asked to do this down the station and why the personal visit?” Paula knew why Rebecca had come all this way herself, she was a woman scorned and she was on a mission, she could just tell.

“I thought it best we do it in a more comfortable surrounding for Sophie’s sake”

Paula went forward and opened the door “I suppose you better come in”. Paula wasn’t happy at all, having Rebecca inside her home but the quicker she let her in, then hopefully the quicker she will leave.

Sophie followed on behind Paula letting her hand rub across her back as she passed and headed for the kitchen, Rebecca following on. 

“Well this is a nice house Sophie, how long you lived here for?” Rebecca clearly knew that this must be Paula’s house giving that Sophie wouldn’t earn or have the kind of money to afford this type of luxury.

“What does that have to do with whatever you are here for Detective?” Paula’s inner solicitor coming out in her”

“Babe it’s ok, I can handle this” Sophie said smiling at Paula lovingly. “It’s Paula’s house but our home Detective, now if you can please let us know why you are here as we have plans for a very special evening and I would very much like to get it started” leaving the Detective in no doubt what plans Sophie was referring to.

“Well I came to see if you had any further recollection of that evening?”

“What and you couldn’t ring and ask this over the phone?” Paul’s asked clearly annoyed.

“No I’m sorry Detective I don’t”

“What about your memory has any of that returned?”

“No Detective it hasn’t” 

“So what is the situation here betw.......”

“What the hell does that have to do with you or this case?” asked Paula incredulous

Sophie could see Paula was furious but she could also see Rebecca was raging and totally envious

“Babe I said I can handle this”

At Hearing Sophie refer to Paula as babe Rebecca guffawed.

“Do you have something you want to get off your chest detective or are you here wishing it was my partner you could be getting off?”

Paula was totally shocked at how Sophie just came right out with it like that. It didn’t seem like Sophie at all but then again pregnancy can do strange things to a woman.

To say Rebecca was stunned was an understatement. She was beginning to see Sophie was not the shy shrinking violet she had presumed her to be.

“I don’t know what you are talking about and I take off...”

“Cut the crap Rebecca. Do you really think that Paula wouldn’t tell me what happened between you two? How you had continuously chased and asked her out for weeks, before getting her intoxicated to get her into bed”

“Rebecca laughed... me get her intoxicated ....... is that what she told you?”

Sophie for a slight second had a lack of trust in what Paula had told her but that disappeared as quick as it appeared. “What so are you saying it was different?”

“Sophie please do......”

“Paula be quiet and let the detective answer.

Paula did not know what to think by Sophie’s response, what was Rebecca going to come out with and was Sophie starting to disbelieve what Paula had told her?”

“Well from why I recall she didn’t take much persuasion?”

“Well why don’t you enlighten me with what you do recall?” 

Rebecca was starting to think that maybe she should have played her hand differently and truth be told she hadn’t expected the couple to still be together or have resurrected their relationship so quick. “We.....well we have been on a couple of dates and the week be...before you ended up in hospital Paula cooked us a meal. We had a bottle of wine between us and then she made a move on me”

“A move? Just how did she make her move?”

“Swee...”

“Babe be quiet and let her finish”

“Well she kis..kissed me and then you know” Rebecca was getting all flustered. It was usually her who was the one doing the questioning but now the boot was on the other foot and she didn’t know quite how she felt about that.

“No I don’t know, so do continue”

“Well she kissed me and then erm well I kissed her back and well er....you know we ended up sleeping together. This was after she told me that you and her were definitely over”

“So Paula slept with you or you her”?

“ I don’t get wha....”

“Well let me put it in terms you are probably more accustomed to Rebecca. Did Paula let you fuck her”

“I just told you we slept together”

“Answer what I asked you..did you fuck her”

Rebecca’s face was now beetroot and she wanted the ground to open and swallow her up. She hadn’t expected Sophie to want full details and she was also aware that she had twisted the story a little thinking just the statement itself would put an end to this ridiculous relationship.

“What does it matter?”

“Oh it matters”

“Yes....yes she did”

And?

And what? 

Did you fuck Paula?

Well we.....I just told you that we slept together.

No you told me that Paula fucked you and I’m sorry if you’ve yet to feel or understand how it’s different detective. Sophie could tell she had hit a nerve and she knew by Rebecca’s reaction that Paula hadn’t let Rebecca touch her. 

Sophie turned to Paula “Did you let her fuck you?”

“Sweetheart I would never.....could never let anyone touch me in that way other than you.

“You’re a liar Paula you had been coming on to me for months wanting meeting over dinners, at my house and yours. She told me the two of you were totally finished and you wanted nothing more to do with her. She was and is only with you her to a mid life ....”

Paula was furious “how dare you come here with your poison and lies Rebecca. It WAS YOU who constantly wanted meetings away from the office and until that first and final night, you had kept trying to poor alcohol down my throat. For your information I only succumbed that night because I had been drinking it was Sophie and I Anniversary , which you so well knew. Truth be told you had premeditated that whole event knowing I would be at my. Lowest ebb and......” Paula could tell she had hit the nail on the head by how crimson Rebecca’s face become and sheepish she looked. “My god I’m right, aren’t I? Are you that desperate to....”

“Oh babe don’t underestimate your sexiness and attractiven.....”

“You two are a joke it will never last Paula will get fed up of up you bleeding her dry and you will get sick of the age difference”

Paula knew Rebecca’s comments had hit a raw nerve with Sophie given the conversation about financially supporting her and the children.”Right that’s enough, GET OUT OF OUR HOUSE NOW REBECCA. TOMORROW WE WILL SUBMIT A REQUEST TO GET YOU TRANSFERRED OFF THIS CASE DUE TO CONFLICT OF INTEREST.IF WE SO MUCH AS HEAR ANYMORE SHIT FROM HOU WE WILL MAKE IT AN OFFICIAL COMPLAINT. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME......WELL DO YOU?”

Rebecca just nodded and turned to go out of the door. Although she knew Paula meant every word she had just said, she couldn’t help deliver a parting shot. “You won’t last 12 months let alone years. Once a cheat always a cheat” and she walked off. 

Paula just watched her go wanting to make sure she had left the premises and hoping out of their lives for good. Once she was certain Rebecca had left she shut and locked the door. Slowly turning around so she could speak to Sophie she felt a sense of panic and her stomach churning because Sophie was not there, Paula hadn’t even heard her move from the hallway, where had she gone?


	27. Chapter 27

Paula started to Panic where had Sophie got to she had checked th kitchen, lounge and dining room but Sophie was t there. She started climbing the stairs with a sense of dread in her.Had Sophie believed all Rebecca had to say? Was Sophie going to leave her again before they had even brought the cases in? Paula walked into the bedroom and found Sophie sat on the bed with her head bowed down onto her arms. Paula could tell that Sophie was crying as her shoulders were shaking. She walked over and knelt in front of her “Soph sweetheart talk to me”

Sophie couldn’t speak at that moment. The minute Rebecca had left the house Sophie had walked quietly up to their room. Today was beginning to take its toll and she needed some rest and to gather her thoughts and emotions. Once sat on the bed all the words Rebecca had said started swimming round her head. “Paula will get fed up of up you bleeding her dry”. It was the thought of Paula touching another that had brought the tears and what if Rebecca was right about the financial burden? After all Paula hadn’t ever said about wanting children?

“Soph please sweetheart”

Sophie lifted her head up, looked Paula in the eyes and then just pulled her in close to her. Paula hugged Sophie to her and rubbed her hand up and down her back. “Sophie I love you and only you, always have and always will”

“But you fucked her Paula”

“Sophie listen to me..... I was in a bad place and I was finally starting to believe that you had walked away from me forever. I guess I just needed to feel like someone did want me. I honestly don’t feel anything for her and never have. Please you have to believe me”

“Why did you not let her touch you?”

“I couldn’t let another person touch me there Sophie only you and that is how I felt that night despite being drunk, I still knew no one could ever go there again. Doesn’t that tell you something?”

“ She’s right about the financial burden though isn’t she?”

“NO SHE ISN’T. Soph if we are going to get through all this and move forward together for the rest of our lives then. You have to move pass that. What I offer in finance, you offer if other ways and also you won’t always be at home looking after the children at some point you may want to go back to work and it might be my time to stay at home looking after the children. When we lived together before, we never had an issue because I knew you where not just with me for my money. You knew I wasn’t just with you because you are young and sexy as hell”

Sophie gave a little chuckle at that. “Did we ev.....did we ever talk about children?”

“Well Er we did but you didn’t want them before establishing a career and to be honest we were just happy and content enjoying our life together first”

“How do I know you really want these babies Paula and you are not just doing what you think you ought to do?”

By this point Paula was sat on the bed next to Sophie. She could tell Sophie was absolutely exhausted but she also knew Sophie needed to talk through all her concerns. Sophie why don’t we slip into our PJ’s snuggle up and continue this talk. I do appreciate that you haven’t just closed up and shut me out but have openly discussed what you are thinking and I do want to continue this but I can also see that you are exhausted, it’s been a roller coaster of emotions, kind of day. So let’s relax together and continue this in bed snuggled up, is that ok?”

Sophie knew Paula was right so she just nodded her head in reply.

“Good. You wait there and I will grab you some PJ’s to change into and then she kissed her softly on the lips and walked over to the chest of drawers.

Sophie just watched her go, she loved watching Paula walk she oozed sex appeal. Normally she wouldn’t be able to control her urges to go just grab Paula and have her there and then but not tonight. There was far to much turmoil and uncertainty that needed dealing with.

Paula took a couple of pairs of pyjamas out the drawer and handed a set to Sophie. Once in bed Paula put her arms behind Sophie and cuddled her into her. “Sophie I don’t know what else I can say to prove to you that I want you and the babies in my life now and for always. So I am just going to sing (well try to) a song that says exactly what I think and want with you.

Yes I do, I believe  
That one day I will be, where I was  
Right there, right next to you  
And it's hard, the days just seem so dark  
The moon, and the stars, are nothing without you  
Your touch, your skin, where do I begin?  
No words can explain, the way i’m missing you  
Deny this emptiness, this hole that i’m inside  
These tears, they tell their own story  
You told me not to cry when you were gone  
But the feeling’s overwhelming, it's much too strong  
Can I lay by your side, next to you, you  
And make sure you’re alright  
I’ll take care of you,  
And I don’t want to be here if I can’t be with you tonight  
I’m reaching out to you  
Can you hear my call  
This hurt that I’ve been through  
I’m missing you, missing you like crazy  
Can I lay by your side, next to you, to you  
And make sure you’re alright  
I’ll take care of you,  
And I don’t want to be here if I can’t be with you tonight  
Lay me down tonight, lay me by your side  
Lay me down tonight  
Lay me by your side  
Can I lay by your side, next to you, you

 

Sophie was stunned she had never heard Paula sing before and her voice was almost as beautiful as she was. The words could have easily been written for the both of them. “Tha....that was just beautiful” she said as she was wiping the tears from her own eyes.

“Like you sweetheart” Paula had tears running down her face she was so scared she was going to lose Sophie all over again.

“Babe please don’t cry”

“ I can’t help it Soph I’m scared I’m going to lose you all over again. When apart I would listen to it lots thinking about you and I don’t want to ever go back to them days”

“Sophie just sighed “why can’t we get a break, there is always something getting in our way”

“They will only get in our way if we let them Sophie. Together we are so strong but separate us and we crumble. These things are sent to test us”

“Im sick of being tested Paula I just want an easy life I just wish I could turn back time”

Paula’s fears started to rise again “turn back time to when”?

“To before we separated”

“I know you have gone through a lot and some of it I wouldn’t wish on my own worse enemy but you know I firmly believe in fate sweetheart and if you hadn’t gone through that horrendous ordeal we wouldn’t be where we are today and you wouldn’t have our babies in here” Paula said as she gently stroked Sophie’s stomach.

“So you are saying that what he did is ok bec......”

“NO Soph I never want anyone to hurt you and will never let anyone hurt you again. It crucifies me that someone has violated you like that, it’s my fault you wa.....”

“Your fault how do you work that one out?”

Paula started crying again “you.....your mum even sa....said it when she fir.....first arrived at the hospital. I.....if we had t of sep......separated you wouldn’t ev...even be in Lon...London”

“Oh babe it’s not your fault, no more than it’s mine. LISTEN to me Paula we can’t turn back time but we can’t move forward with all these unspoken words, angst etc between us”

“PLEASE SOPHIE DONT LEAVE ME I CANT....... “ Paula was hysterically crying by now she was losing her whole world all over again and there was nothing she could do about it.

 

(Lyrics: Lay me down - Sam Smith)


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry have had writers block and not entirely happy with this chapter but here you go guys!

It took Sophie about 45 minutes to calm Paula down. She had managed to get her to lie down on the bed and she just lay there next to her, holding her close and rubbing her hand up and down her back trying to soothe her. Sophie knew Paula needed to let all these emotions out as she hadn’t done so far, they both had their own demons to sort out.

“I’m sorry to get in that state” Paula whispered quietly

“You have nothing to feel sorry about”

“You can do without me going to pieces like that”

“Oh Paula I think we have just moved so fast tackling every issue as it came along, without really dealing with the issue that existed between us and our own demons”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Well we spoke about the split, how and why it happened but not how it has affected us and the impact it has on us going forward. Obviously it’s a little more difficult for me as I cannot recall but what I do have are my insecurities moving forward and the diaries. You also have issues about the split, insecurities about us and the fut....”

“I don’t have any insecurities about being with you Sophie or about us becoming a family unit”

Forgive me Paula but I don’t even think you are being true to yourself. You have an immense fear of us splitting up and..”

“Wait.....are you saying you’re not leaving me?”

“I never said I was and if you remember I made a promise I would never just leave, before attempting to talk and sort through any issues”

“Well now I’m really confused as I thought that you said you can’t see us moving forward?”

“I can’t if we continue on this track like I said we just deal with what comes our way but not what is already instilled in us. I really think we need to go to some sort of relationship counselling. Paula I want us to do whatever we can to ensure that the reasons for the split in the first place, don’t rear their head again. I love you Paula and I want us to survive through all this”

Paula breathed a sigh of relief “Thank god you don’t want us to split up. Sweetheart I will do whatever it takes for us to get through it all, as long as we are together”

“So we will go to counselling together yeah”

“If that’s what it takes, yes of course I will. I love you Sophie always have and always will”

Sophie moved closer to Paula and gave her a kiss that started off softly but their need to consume each other, started to take over and the kisses became more intense. 

Paula pulled Sophie closer to her hungrily taking her mouth trying to convey the feelings inside and that she was hungrier for something else. Sophie understood exactly what Paula was wanting so she moved to take Paula’s top off and then reached around, unclasped her black lace bra, she threw it to the floor. She then slowly removed Paula’s jeans and lacy black knickers, kissing down her legs as she was moving them down. Once Paula was totally naked Sophie stood up and without losing eye contact removed her own clothes.

Paula was already soaking wet and wanted Sophie to hurry up before just the sight of seeing her naked was going to make her come undone. Sophie knew Paula wasn’t far away from cumming so she wanted to give her what she needed right there and then. Getting back on the bed Sophie straddled Paula, her right hand immediately finding its way between Paula’s legs and without any warning pushed straight into her with two fingers causing Paula to moan and gasp. Paula was dripping, her desire spilling over Sophie’s hand like a wave as she pushed down against all Sophie had to give. Using her thumb, Sophie pushed against Paula’s swollen clit, rubbing the bud harder and harder with each plunge of her fingers. Suddenly she started to slow her movements and Paula wasn’t happy. 

“Soph....please... don’t stop”

“What do you want babe”

“Please Sophie make me cum, I need to cum” she begged.

Adding a third finger, Sophie entered her again, her thumb sliding figure eights over her clit as she leaned forward taking Paula’s nipple into her mouth, hungrily sucking against the dark pink center, the nipple erect and hard, curling her fingers to hit that against the soft bundle of nerves, she felt Paula’s walls begin to contract, over and over her body releasing its wetness over her hand resulting in an all mighty climax.

As she felt Paula’s hand grip her back and nails scratching down her spine, Sophie could feel the arousal painfully build within her. Sophie’s mouth searched for Paula’s and tongues crashed against each other’s before pulling away. Wa....was that ok? Sophie asked nervously.

Paula leaned forward, lightly kissing Sophie’s lips, “Yes,” she said as she kissed her again, “It was more than ok it was fabulous and I love you so much Sophie. I....,I would like to try make love to you.

Paula could feel Sophie tense a little. “I want that too babe bu....but I think it may be too soon an....and after last time I don’t want you getting hurt”

“Oh sweetheart I understand. Soooo how about I just give you some nice (kisses mouth) ummm, (kisses neck) little kisses and touches?”. Paula moves her head down and sucked a nipple into her mouth rolling her tongue over it and flicking it, whilst running her fingers across her stomach. Paula lifted her head and kissed her way back up to Sophie slowly kissing her but steadily increasing the intensity. 

Sophie’s body was crying out for Paula to touch her but she also wasn’t sure she was ready for anything more than what was happening.

Paula continued on kissing Sophie’s neck and sucking her earlobe into her mouth moved her hand down to Sophie’s leg and gently stroked her inner leg slowly moving up towards her goal. She knew Sophie wouldn’t be ready for her to do a lot more but she wanted to see how she would cope with Paula slowly touching her clit. Paula gently parted Sophie’s folds and very slowly moved her finger in until it was slightly touching Sophie’s clit. She felt Sophie immediately tense up. She moved her head up “Sweetheart I am not going to try enter you, I am just going to gently touch here and relieve you of some of that pent up frustration you have in you, I promise. Is that ok?”

Sophie looked at Paula and she wanted Paula so much and she felt like she was failing her. Looking at Paula she could see nothing but total adoration. Sophie could do nothing but nod her head to give her consent. Paula bent her head down and started kissing Sophie again whilst at the same time slowly stroking around Sophie’s clit.

Sophie lay her head back and tried to keep her mind on Paula and what she was doing to her. She steadily started to lose herself in the feeling Paula was stirring in her and could feel her arousal building. Paula had felt the tenseness of Sophie start to ebb away and that Sophie wasn’t far away from reaching climax so she moved her head down and sucked in Sophie’s clit. That was it Sophie reached climax and cum with Paula cleaning up her juices.

Eventually Paula worked her way back up she was horrified to see that Sophie had tears falling from her eyes. She grabbed her and pulled her in to her. Rocking her back and forth kissing the top of her head “sweetheart I’m so very sorry I didn’t want to hurt you or upset you. Why didn’t you tell me to stop? I would have stopped Soph”

Sophie tried to get her emotions under control “yo.....you didn’t hurt me”

“Really you promise”

Sophie nodded her head

“Why the tears then sweetheart?”

“Can we just cuddle for a bit and I will explain in a while but I promise you have done nothing wrong?

However both women were so tired they fell asleep and the talk didn’t happen. The next morning Paula woke up stretching and reached for Sophie but all she felt was a cold space. Paula sat upright trying to get her senses together and looked at the clock 8am, where the hell was Sophie? Trying not to panic Paula got out of bed and walked into the en-suite, no sign of Sophie. She grabbed her robe off the back of the door and headed down stairs hoping that Sophie would be there. Checking the kitchen first she then walked into the lounge to find Sophie asleep on the sofa! Why would Sophie have come down and slept on the sofa? She had an uneasy feeling about all this so she headed back upstairs to take a shower and get dressed they needed to talk and being in this state of undress would not help. Sophie could sleep for now but when she woke things would have to be organised and sorted so they can all get on with their lives


	29. Chapter 29

It had been four months since Paula found Sophie asleep on the sofa. It turned out she couldn’t sleep and didn’t want to disturb Paula so all the panic was for nothing. Later that morning they had made appointments with the counsellor and she gave them information for a relationship counsellor. Despite being qualified herself she felt it was best that they kept the two sessions separate.

At first the sessions had been hard because Sophie could not remember her feelings but only use descriptions from her diaries. But as they went through the sessions it became clear that Sophie’s need to run from situations came down to her own lack of self-esteem and how easy she fell into believing she wasn’t good enough for Paula. However they had now come to their last session and both had belief that they could move forward and handle any issues that arose very differently. They also had trust that their relationship was strong and was much better than it had ever been.

Walking out of their final session Sophie turned to Paula “Thank you” then kissed her softly in the lips.

“What was that for?”

“Agreeing to counselling and attending every session despite how busy you are at work and keeping up with my scans an....”

“Sweetheart I would and will do anything for you”

“I know”

Paula gave Sophie another kiss back but this time it was a lot more sensual”

“Erm I think we best go before we get arrested” Sophie said looking around the busy street

“Mmm I suppose you’re right but we would never be arrested as I am the best lawyer in Manchester”

Sophie chuckled “yes and the sexiest” she replied looking at Paula with a look of want.

“Oh god don’t do that to me”

“Don’t do what?”

“You know what....give me that look”

“I don’t know what you are talking about”

“Oh yes you bloody do!!! Now come on let’s get home before I can’t keep a hold of myself”.

Paula grabbed hold of Sophie’s hand and walked her to the car. Opening the door and helping Sophie in before walking around to take her place in the drivers seat.  
Sophie loved how Paula always took care of her first checking she was comfortable, opening doors for her, pulling chairs out etc.

Once Paula manoeuvred the car out and they where on their way Sophie places her hand on Paula’s leg. “How are you feeling?” she asks her.

“Really good actually. I feel we are stronger than ever and I’m really looking forward to a life together forever and welcoming our babies into the world. What about you?”

“Yeah exactly the same. In fact I feel like we are in a whole new relationship but there is one thing that I want to ask you”

“Oh What would that be?”

“Do you think you could get away from work early this evening?”

“Well actually I’ve taken the whole day off” replied Paula smiling across at Sophie

“You have?”

“Yes I thought with it being our last session that maybe we could do something this afternoon?”

“Well I thought it may be a good idea that we do a little shopping for the babies and maybe later we could go for a meal do something special?”

Paula knew that by Sophie saying she would like to go shopping and go out for a meal, that she was taking a huge step forward. Since their return they had hardly been anywhere other than home, hospital, Counselling and Weatherfield. She also knew that after shopping Sophie was likely to be exhausted so they would be eating at home, although Paula felt sure she could make it special.

“Sweetheart are you sure?”

“Yes I think I am ready to face the world again and I also have you by my side”

“Yes you do” Paula placed her hand on Sophie’s and gave it a squeeze before raising it to her mouth and placing a kiss on it. “So Ma lady where shall we head to?”

“How about we take a drive out to Cheshire Oaks?”

“Mmmm I think that would be perfect”

“Great so if we could just swing by home babe so I can change please and grab my purse”

“Yeah that’s fine as I want to grab a few bits too”

Sophie had got changed and was waiting in the kitchen for Paula. Paula whilst Sophie was changing had made the most of her time alone by organising a surprise for Sophie.

“Right love are your ready?”

“Am I ready I’ve been sat here like a lemon waiting for you”

“And what a beautiful lemon you are” said Paula wrapping her arms around Sophie and giving her a loving kiss then bending down and placing a kiss on her protruding stomach.

Sophie lives how Paula would place a kiss on her stomach it did something strange to her insides, every time.

“Come in or we will never leave babe”

“Spoilsport...come on then let’s go”

It took them forty minutes to get to Cheshire Oaks. Although very nervous and anxious for the first half hour or more, squeezing Paula’s hand to the point of nearly breaking her fingers, Sophie had become slightly less anxious as time went by, knowing that Paula was with her every step of the way helped. Everything was relaxed and calm apart from when one woman at the Chanel shop who made it blatantly clear what she thought of Paula, making Sophie feel very jealous. ‘Jesus how much of a letch can someone be’ thought Sophie but then suddenly burst out laughing, surprising Paula.

“What are you laughing at?”

“Oh just remembering the letch back in the Chanel shop and how she was coming on to you”

“What and you found that funny did you?”

“No what I found funny was your face”

“Yeah well she was the one who in the end”

“Yes she certainly was. You soon put her in her place”

Paula looking very pleased with herself “yes I did, didn’t I?”

“Babe really...”

“What?”

“You look like the cat that got the cream”

“So. She needed telling”

“I agree but did you have to do it in such a public way”

“What can’t a woman kiss her fiancé is it a crime now?”

“There’s a kiss, then there is a kissss and you almost made me climax on the spot”

Paula’s arousal rocketed at hearing Sophie talk like that. She turned in towards her and whispered very sultry “only almost....I must be losing my touch before proceeding to place a gentle kiss on her lips”

Sophie was feeing very flushed and aroused “erm well you know what I mean. There are other ways to get the message across”

“Yes but I prefer the direct approach. Now come and by that I mean let’s move on” Paula said winking at Sophie and moving on forward pulling her by the hand.

Sophie was in an unbelievable state of arousal. How does Paula do this to her without even properly touching her. She just followed on behind like a love sick puppy, shaking her head at Paula’s audastrious behaviour.

After 4 hours of shopping with the odd coffee break, Paula decided Sophie needed to rest. “Sweetheart I think we should grab a snack and sit for a bit you look exhausted”

“Oh it’s ok I’m fine”

“Please for me? I will feel better if you at least have a short rest”

“Okkkk for you but I’m pregnant not ill babe”

“I know that but you still need to take it easy”

Paula found them a nice little bistro and they set Sophie down. “Right you order for us babe and I will just run these bags back to the car. Hopefully we will have room” she said chuckling.

“Oh we’ve spent way to much I shouldn’t take advan......”

Sweetheart don’t! We have discussed all this so please let it go” 

Sophie realised Paula was right and apologised straight away. 

Paula went over pecked Sophie on the cheek, picked the bags up and took them to the car.

One hour later and both women had finished their snack and coffees.

“Right where do you want to go now?” asked Paula”

“Well having sat down I feel more tired than before so maybe we just do another hour then head home as we will hit the traffic otherwise”

Paula knew Sophie would feel like this so she was secretly happy that she had arranged a little something and couldn’t wait to surprise Sophie later. She just hoped Sophie would like it too.


	30. Chapter 30

An hour and a half later Paula and Sophie pulled up outside the exquisite Chester Grosvenor Hotel and Spa. “Babe what are we doing here?”

“Well I thought you would be tired after our little trip so I thought I would book us in here for the weekend. I hope that’s ok with you?”

“Bu.......but this looks very expensive”

“Soph sweetheart we have talked about this”

“Yes but Paula look at this place I’ve never stayed anywhere like this before”

“Actually we have stayed here before”

“Oh why, when?”

“One of our friends got married here so we chose to stay the weekend”

“Oh”

“Yes and you never had any issues about it”

“Are you sure”

“Yes and you can even check your diaries when we get back if you don’t believe me”

“Of course I believe you. I do trust you babe. Wow it’s jus...just amazing”

“So are we going to go in or are we staying in this car all night?”

“No we are so going in”

Paula started laughing “right wait there” Paula got out the car and walked around opening the door and helping Sophie out. 

“What are we gonna do with the shopping?”

“The shopping will be fine where it is”

“Babe we have no change of clothes or anything”

“Oh yes we have” said Paula as she reached in behind Sophie’s seat and pulled out two overnight bags”

“Why you snea....”

”No don’t you finish that sentence! because Miss Webster I know for a fact I would never have got you to stay the weekend without these bags. Am I right or am I right?”

“Yes you’re righttttt”

Sophie walked over to Paula and kissed her softly on the lips. “You really are wonderful and I love you so very much”

Paula got choked up by Sophie’s words and moved forward to give her a very sensual kiss. After a couple of minutes she pulled away “I love you too sweetheart and now we must really get on inside”. Taking Sophie’s hand she walked ahead and led Sophie inside to the vast reception.

“Good afternoon welcome to the Chester Grosvernor. Do you have a reservation”

“Yes under Martin”

“Yes I have your details here. This is your card key, two are enclosed. You are in the suite and would you like us to keep your card details allocated to your room until the end of your stay?”

“Yes please”

“Everything is in order Ms Martin said the receptionist giving Paula a knowing look. Also all treatments are included in your room price. You will find all the details in your room. Have a pleasant stay, anything you need don’t hesitate to call down”

“Thank you” Said Paula and took Sophie’s hand and headed to the lift. Once in the lift Paula put the bags in the floor and pressed the button for the suite. Once the doors shut she pulled Sophie into her and gave her a hug.

Arriving into the suite and Sophie was in awe!! “Paula this is bloody huge”

“Well it is the suite...darling” said Paula in a funny voice!

“We should have just got an ordinary room”

“Sweetheart we are in the Grosvenor, none of their rooms are ordinary” Paula chuckled 

“Yeah but seriously we did not need to book the suite”

“Sweetheart I want nothing but the best for you and our babies and this weekend we are going to spend in total luxury and relaxation. Now get yourself in the room and rest. I will put our clothes away and later we will head down to the Spa for a nice couples massage”

Sophie didn’t think she could love Paula anymore than she did right at that moment. She walked over and kissed her softly “we are so lucky to have you in our lives” 

“No sweetheart I’m the lucky one, Now go and I will join you soon”

Sophie headed into the master bedroom and Paula followed her in and put their clothes and toiletries away. She hadn’t been in the room for five minutes before Sophie had fallen asleep. Once she had finished doing that she had back into the lounge area and called down to reception.

“Hello it’s Ms Martin I want to check everything is in order for tomorrow?”

“Yes Ms Martin everything is as requested”

“Excellent and you also have the two room reservations?”

“Yes all booked in”

“Thank you and remember Miss Webster is not to know about any of this”

“Yes Ms Martin everything is all under control”

“Good, good. Thank you”

Paula replaced the receiver and then thought she would go and cuddle up with Sophie so she went back in the room, set the alarm on her phone and lay down snuggled into Sophie and soon fell asleep.

An hour later and Paula woke to her alarm going off she reached her arm out and pressed the snooze. Turning back she smiled to herself, it always amazed her that Sophie was never woken by her alarm!  
Leaning forward she whispered “sweetheart time to wake up” pulling back she checked to see if any movement. No...nothing. Try again slightly louder “sweetheart, baby it’s time to wake up” then nibbling and slightly sucking her earlobe Paula tried to stir Sophie. This time it worked Jesus she was so hard to wake up sometimes. 

“Urmoj What agh rime is it”

Paula laughed “can we have that in English please?”

Ha, ha what time is it”

“Time you need to get up we are booked for our couples massage”

“Do we have to? I quite like it here”

“Honesty no we don’t and you know that usually I will do everything you say and if you really don’t want to then we don’t have to go....”

“But?” Said Sophie 

“But I honestly do think it would do you the world of good and if you want to skip dinner and return to our room for the night afterwards then that will be fine with me”

“Really?”

“Really” said Paula pecking her on the lips and pulling back to look at Sophie to see what her answer was going to be.

Sophie knew that she had to go and have the massage because of all the trouble Paula has gone through. She also knew that Paula would benefit from a massage too. “No it’s fine give me a min to wake up I’m sorry for being moody”

“You moody...never” replied Paula smiling.

Sophie stretched and then sat herself up in the bed. What shall I wear? 

“I think you would look delicious in nothing”

“Yeah but I think the masseuse might get a shock”

“Oh I don’t know about that”

“I’m fat”

“You are not fat Sophie. You are pregnant and absolutely stunningly gorgeous”

“I don’t feel it” said Sophie as a lone tear fell from her eye 

“Hey, Hey come on sweetheart what’s the matter”

“I actually don’t even know what’s wrong with me I just feel so Oh I don’t know.... useless....out of sorts....pregnant”

“Right listen to me Sophie Webster you are not useless, your body is going through a lot of changes physically and hormonally and yes you are in fact pregnant and soon you will give birth to two beautiful babies and they will love you just as much as I love you. Yet despite all this you are still absolutely gorgeous do you hear me?” 

“Mmm”

“I mean it Soph and right now I am going to rearrange the massage for Sunday and we will order room service ok?”

“I’m sorry”

“Now what are you apologising for because there is nothing to be sorry for”

“You’ve gone through all this trouble and I’m spoiling it for you”

“Soph I’ve done this so we can spend quality time together and for you to relax. Now judging by how you are feeling at the moment. I think the best thing and the only thing that’s going to help right now is for us to lie here together or we could get a bath and then later we will order dinner and just be with each other without interruption okay?”

“Are you sure?”

“Absolutely”

“A bath would be nice”

Well I will go call and rearrange the massages then I will run the bath ok?”

“Thanks babe”

Paula has made the phone call and was now running the bath. Whilst waiting for it to fill a thought suddenly struck her . Oh god what about the other surprise she had lined up for tomorrow? If she had got it wrong over the massage had she got it wrong for the other thing too? Paula was feeling worried and apprehensive now as right or wrong it was too late to change things now!


End file.
